Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

February 11, 2010 - Issue #93
The Curse of the Either/Or

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

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In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

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Food for Thought

"To freely bloom - that is my definition of success." --- Gerry Spence

Keep It Simple

The Major Warning Sign You are NOT in Integrity

We talk a lot about what it means to be "in" integrity. For me, being "in" integrity means that my actions match my words which match my beliefs. It is called being true to yourself, being your authentic self, along with a number of other descriptions. Basically, it has to do with the flow of our energy and its harmony with all pieces of us. It also represents the full integration of all four dimensions of life: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

While it may seem easy to know what it feels like to be "in" integrity, there are definite warning signs when we are "out" of integrity. In order to become our best selves, we must become tuned in to the changes that signal it's time to inspect what's going on and actively seek a solution to get back "into" integrity. Here are some of the warning signs I've experienced.

You feel nauseous.
There may be times when my being out of integrity shows up in other parts of my body, but 99% of the time when I feel nauseous and out of sorts in my stomach or abdomen, I can pretty much be assured that I'm not "in" integrity. It is interesting to see how different situations are reflected differently in my body. For example, fear is always much higher in my body, around my heart. As I think of it, it makes sense since one of the accompanying symptoms of fear is paralysis and what better way to stop us in our tracks than to get the heart acting up.

There is also a tangible difference between a physical stomach ache and the "out of integrity" nauseousness. However, if we have a need to delude ourselves, it is easy enough to do by focusing on the pain. When we wrap our mind around the process of pain, we feel that we have a legitimate reason to not do anything that might provoke discomfort in other areas of our psyche.

The Cure: At the first signs of stomach pain, take a long hard look at your recent actions. Where did you feel you wanted to take action, but were afraid to do so. The clearer you get, and the sooner you get there, the easier it is to do what you need to do. If it is too late to do what you feel is needed, then find a way to address the issue, either directly with the person involved or by changing the environment so whatever it is cannot happen again.

Feature Article

The Curse of the Either/Or

I'm not exactly clear what the origin of this phenomenon is, but many of us are taught at an early age that you can't have everything. Because of this belief, we decide that we must make a choice between two things that we desire.

Personally, I don't believe this. I believe you CAN have it all. What you can't do, however, is create it at the same time. We need to focus on manifesting things one at a time until we attract it to us.

This is a fairly simple shift to make. However, along with the idea that you can't have everything is the concept that certain goals are mutually exclusive!
No matter what these two goals are for each of us, we face the same dilemma: choosing to cut out one part of us in favor of another.

I have seen many examples of this: choosing love over money; choosing money over love; deciding on being "good" instead of successful; picking giving our gifts away instead of being paid for them. These are just a few samples off the top of my head. You may recognize yourself in one of these or have your personal dilemma not included here.

Seeing the quandary is only half the battle. Once we become aware that we feel we have to choose between two goodies, it is necessary to change our thought patterns. The primary work here is to wrap your mind around the possibility of having and enjoying both things at once.

To help you do this, I have included some specific belief transformation statements that can help allow you to create everything you want, just one thing at as time!

For the following statements, say each one out loud until it feels 100% true. Then, and only then, move on to the next one, repeating that statement until it is true. The process may be fast or slow, it really doesn't matter. What is important is that you allow any resistance to make itself known and to incorporate it into the statement. For example, if you feel fear, add the phrase "Despite the fear I feel," to the beginning of the statement, never at the end.

I'm 100% open to the idea that I can have love and money at one and the same time.
I'm 100% willing to accept that I can have love and money at one and the same time.
I'm 100% ready to accept that I can have love and money at one and the same time.
I'm 100% ready to have love and money at one and the same time.
I now choose to have love and money at one and the same time.
I now commit 100% to have love and money at one and the same time.
I am now 100% committed to have love and money at one and the same time.
I am now 100% committed to taking action to prove that I am willing to have love and money at one and the same time.

Good luck with this exercise. I think you'll find it very helpful at opening up new possibilities.

Related Quotes

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. " -- Robert Fritz

" It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy." -- George Lorimer

"I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution." -- I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.

"There's a saying among prospectors: 'Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find.' " -- Sir Isaiah Berlin

"Understanding brings control." -- Robert Flaherty

"Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools. ." -- Napoleon

Recent Blog Posts

3 Ways to Relax (#7)
30 Second Coach for 2/1/2010
Thoughts on Core Values
Personal Foundation: Re-Orient On Values
MiniMeditation: Focus

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Start Where You Are Planted, With What You Have - Now
By Richard J. Stec

Start where you are right now.

Waiting for everything to be just right to start is a fool's tool. It moves and gets to the bottom of nothing.

You don't have to know a lot about something to start taking action. There is magic in taking any action. Sit and think but take action. Begin and make better later. You are going to discover more by doing than by chewing over the ending.

Focus on what you want by seeing the route to get it. The route is the means or actions you must take. These are the things you have got to do not what you feel like doing.

Why fuss about every detail first? Just make one move now and then plan. Moving is a good spur. Taking actions right where you are planted with what you have is all you need.

Use your imagination to see what you must have and how to get it. Do your vital details later. Hand over to others what you are not good at doing. But just start right where you are now.

Starting will bring on new ideas. You kindle your imagination through action.

After you take any first action write down all your thoughts. Then take your thoughts and make your action map. This plan takes your ideas to the next level in the real world.

Giving your best efforts and using what you have now makes your time, talents and resources grow. What you hold in your hand and heart may not be much now but keep going. You will be amazed at how you will get what you must have by giving others what they need.

You have everything you need to succeed right now... it's your turn to start with what you have right now.

Nothing good happens until there is change... http://www.changing-my-life.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_J._Stec
http://EzineArticles.com/?Start-Where-You-Are-Planted,-With-What-You-Have---Now&id=3659739

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Live in the Present
ACTION STEP: Top 3 Reasons to Live in the Present

The process of becoming your best self is a journey towards wholeness. Only when we are whole do we move through life with ease, purpose and success. I believe there are five steps towards wholeness.

Accept Responsibility for Your Life.
Focus on the Elements. [Another way to say this is "Work through your Barriers"].
Complete the Past.
Plan for the Future.
Live in the Present.

While most of us see the value in working towards wholeness, sometimes we get stuck in accepting, or practicing, an individual step.

As if wholeness was not enough, here are the top 3 reasons for Live in the Present:

You get to be 100% present and live consciously.
All you really have is the moment. The more consciously you live your life, the easier it is to grow and develop and focus on becoming your best self. Being capable of living in the present means that there is very little old stuff dragging you down. In turn, this allows us to put more energy into dealing with our daily life, making it flow more efficiently.
Staying present allows for appropriate responses to your life..
When you live "in" the moment, you respond appropriately and consciously to everything that comes your way. There is no guilt from the past or fear of the future coloring your responses. There are no unresolved buttons pushed which create inappropriate or misplaced responses. It's a very healthy place to be!
You save on therapy and counseling fees.
When you think about the reasons we go for therapy or counseling, the majority of those reasons stem from our guilt or anger from the past and our fears for the future. We very seldom focus on 'current' history, except in how it relates to our guilt or fear, our past or future. The beauty of living in the present is that you get to feel what you feel when you feel it. Acknowledging our legitimate feelings at the time allows you to express them and move on. That's the same as saying no therapy or counseling needed!

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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February 11, 2010 - Issue #93The Curse of the Either/Or