Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

November 19, 2009 - Issue #88
Living FOR vs IN the Moment

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Understanding the difference between living FOR the moment vs IN the moment can aid you in your journey to wholeness. I hope the feature article clarifies the differences and helps you focus on living IN instead of FOR. If you're already living IN the moment, congratulate yourself and pick a mini-reward. You deserve it!

Consider taking a Test Drive to determine how a life coach can help you live IN the moment instead of FOR.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

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Food for Thought

"When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it." --- Paul "Bear" Bryant

Keep It Simple

Timeless Words of Wisdom:
Beauty Tips from Audrey Hepburn

For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, Let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll NEVER walk alone.
PEOPLE, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw-out ANYbody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of YOUR arm.
As you grow older,you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, And the beauty of a woman with passing years-only grows!

Feature Article

Living IN vs FOR the Moment

When we talk about self growth, personal development and becoming your best self, we talk a lot about living in the moment. Many people confuse living "in" the moment for living "for" the moment and try to avoid it. Here are some clues for which one you are doing.

Living FOR the Moment

We are totally consumed by the emotion/sensation that we are experiencing. It is absolutely impossible to see PAST this moment. We are so focused in the feeling, either positive or negative, that there is no 'next' moment.
It feels self-indulgent. That's probably because it is. We put ourselves and our feelings first above all other things. I believe that is the definition of self-indulgent!
There are no potential consequences. We do something that makes us feel good and we are surprised to later find out that there are consequences to pay. It is a shock each and every time it happens to us. By the way, certain bad feelings, like worry, have the same effect.

Living IN the Moment

We are 100% present in the here and now. Living in the moment allows us to practice the "ministry of presence", a gift we give to ourselves and all those we are interacting with. This is particularly true when we are focused on family members. It truly is a case of quality over quantity. When the interactions feel so good to the other person, when they feel acknowledged and loved, it doesn't seem to matter how much of that they get, as long as that's what they get each and every time.
Everything we do is a conscious decision. When we are totally present, one of the beautiful things that happens is that we start choosing what we'll do in this moment and, as a byproduct, we start taking responsibility for everything in our life. Living consciously, grounded in our beliefs and values, is a very heady experience.
We are aware that this moment leads to the next one Even when we are 100% present in this moment, we know that the next one is coming. Our goal is to embrace that upcoming moment with the same focus and presence of this one. However, we can't be present if we start living in the next one. It's the awareness that life is a series of connected moments, each to be lived fully, that makes the difference here.

Making the Choice

One of the best things about focusing on becoming our best self is that we get many opportunities to make a new choice. Just because we've done it one way for our whole lives means nothing when it comes to making a choice for the next moment. Each day, each moment, is the opportunity to make a different choice. It's part of the miracle of living in the present. This is the moment that counts!

Related Quotes

"The art of life is to live in the present moment, and to make that moment as perfect as we can by the realization that we are the instruments and expression of God Himself.." -- Emmet Fox

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." -- Buddha

"You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you've lost them forever." -- Wayne Dyer

"The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. " -- Abraham Maslow

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.." -- Coria Kent

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment" -- Henry David Thoreau

Recent Blog Posts

Thoughts on Questions and Answers
First 3 Ways to Relax
MiniMeditation: Grounded Freedom
Thoughts on Life Lessons
3 Ways to Relax #2

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

7 Tips For Making Better Choices
by Kim R. Smith

I believe many of us do not actively choose what we want in our lives. Let me give you a personal example. For years I simply went with the flow, so to speak. It was if I was in a rowboat, with no oar, out on the river of life. I went wherever the river took me and unfortunately it took me to some pretty depressing places. One area that was particularly challenging was choosing a career. I always took the path of least resistance, usually abdicating any choice I had, especially if it involved a difficult decision.

It just seemed easier to live for each day, and never worry about planning for the future. I took whatever jobs I could find, and thus usually ended up working somewhere that I didn't enjoy at all. Then one day I realized that there actually was an "oar" in my boat that I could use to "row" to wherever I wanted to go. At that point things began to improve. In essence, I started to make better choices in all areas of my life. It didn't happen overnight, but gradually I became more proficient at the planning and decision-making processes that lead to a better, more enjoyable life. Here are a few ideas I encourage you to experiment with in your own life:

1. Start noticing the choices you are making on a daily basis.
Many times each day you are faced with choices. It may be something as simple as, "What will I have for breakfast?" Or it may be a bit more complicated, like, "What actions should I take today to make my business a success?" You are literally making thousands of choices a day. Are they taking you closer to the life of your dreams, or are they keeping you in a place that you're not entirely happy with? Carefully watching your thoughts around the daily choices you are making is a good place to start.

2. Realize that you always have a choice about how you respond to something or someone.
Each and every event in our lives is neutral, in and of itself. It is how we respond to the event that creates our experience of it. If you feel that you do not have a choice in a situation, then take a closer look. You may be faced with alternatives that are difficult to accept, or maybe you have just overlooked some possibilities. Reconsider your options and/or brainstorm some new solutions. During the next situation that presents itself; don't just "react." Stop and think about how you would like things to turn out, and then "respond" in a way that will help you achieve the desired outcome.

3. Understand that over time your choices influence who you are.
Each morning you wake you have a choice to make. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. Each time something bad happens, you can choose to be a victim or you can choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to you complaining, you can choose to accept their complaining or you can help them see other possibilities. Over time these little choices become part of your personality and the essence of who you are. Ask yourself, "Am I becoming the person I've always wanted to be?" If not, decide what needs to change and get the help and support needed to make it happen.

4. Recognize that what you focus on is a choice.
Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Do you worry about failing instead of focusing on the rewards of success? You do have a choice about what you focus on in life. Begin to notice how you focus you thoughts on a regular basis. Do you see a constructive of destructive pattern?

5. Realize that to a great extent you choose your own limits in life.
If you're 7 feet tall, or weigh 200 lbs, then chances are you won't be able to be a professional jockey. But in many areas of life people choose to practice self-imposed limited thinking. You can be and do so much more than you currently believe is possible. It's your choices and decisions that hold you back for the most part. Think about an area of your life where you may have chosen a self-imposed limitation that you are unhappy with. Then go out and get the help and assistance necessary to break through that limiting belief.

6. Practice, practice, practice.
Learning to make choices is a skill that improves with practice. The more choices you make in life the easier it gets. Why not take the opportunity to make as many conscious choices as possible in the upcoming week?

7. Having a choice is a choice.
Realize that you have the power to change many things in your life. You must first decide that you want to change. You can choose right now that you will be a person that takes responsibility for the choices they make. Don't let your life run on automatic pilot. Begin to take control of your future by making choices that lead you towards your goals, dreams and desires. The famous Psychologist Carl Jung once said, "I am not what happened to me; I am what I chose to become."

About the Author: Kim Smith is a Life Coach who passionately helps people learn and master the skills and strategies they need to experience the peaceful, happy, satisfying lives they want and deserve. Find out more at http://coachkim.com/.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kim_R_Smith
http://EzineArticles.com/?7-Tips-For-Making-Better-Choices&id=3247900

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Accept Responsiblity for Your Life
ACTION STEP: Top 3 Reasons to Accept Responsibility For Your Life

Until you accept responsibility for your life, you are either a child or a victim.
You can never reach wholeness if you go through life as a child or a victim. Neither of these roles is willing, or capable, of achieving more than the first 2 levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: the Physical and Mental (security) levels. Attaining a sense of belonging, a strong positive regard and self-actualization are not usually open to these individuals. It's living, yes. However, there is no peace of mind or joy.
Until you accept responsibility for your life, you cannot claim the power to change it.
There is one fact that cannot be gotten around: if you do not claim responsibility for what is in your life now, you cannot claim the power to change it. If you have no control over what is, then how would it be possible to assume control for the future? Accepting responsibility for your life is not accepting blame for things that may have happened to you. Responsibility for your life means opening yourself to the idea that everything we experience in life is the result of our life lessons being presented to us. Unfortunately, if we are not ready to learn them, we can only look forward to them coming back stronger and more overwhelming.
Until you accept responsibility for your life, you cannot be consciously present in this moment.
So much of what we have created in our lives has happened on an unconscious (in my opinion, the Higher Self) level. While we may not be consciously tuned into our life purpose, our Higher self is. I believe that all the challenges we face in life (especially the first half) are our unconscious preparation for living our life purpose. As we accept responsibility for these experiences (and grateful to the players regardless of their role) we can truly say we are living life ON purpose.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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