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The 3-Minute Coach

July 30, 2009 - Issue #81
Making the Shift: From Sad to Happy

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Enjoy this issue. I think you'll find the articles are 'meaty', so eat to your fill without worry about gaining weight!

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

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Food for Thought

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." --- Dale Carnegie

Keep It Simple

3 Step Process for Facing Your Fears

Fear is the great equalizer. No matter what we're afraid of or how different it is from the fear of the next person, it keeps each of us stuck in a place where action is impossible. Here is a 3-step process for getting past your fears!

Breathe
It is almost impossible to face our fears when we are not breathing. While we never actually 'stop' breathing, in times of stress our breathing gets very shallow and almost non-existent. The impact of the shallow breathing is to force our focus on the supply of air, effectively cutting our awareness off from anything else going on. Stopping this cycle, by taking long, slow, deep breaths and really focusing on the process of breathing goes a long way to allowing us to face our fears. As we slow down and regain control, we find the courage to look at what we fear.
Identify the Worst that Could Happen
Once we are able to look at our fear clearly, a surprising tactic for overcoming fear and the paralysis it brings is to figure out the worst that could happen if our fear were to become a reality. The process of identification usually goes through several stages in order to truly identify the worst. For example, the fear of losing one's job might morph from 'losing the job' to 'not able to pay bills' to 'losing my home'. Once you've hit bottom, and you'll be very clear when that happens, the next question to ask yourself is: "OK, if I lose my home, what would I do"? If you continue to breathe deeply, and it's important that you do so, you'll be surprised to find that, when actually confronted with the worst possible scenario, our brains change to solution mode. In the example used above, you might consider 'moving in with a friend or relative temporarily', 'renting my place out and finding somewhere cheaper to live, 'taking in a roommate', downsizing to a smaller more manageable home' or a myriad of other solutions, depending on your experience, situation and support structure.
Look the fear in the face again and wink!
The minute we are able to identify a potential solution, we regain our power and control of the situation. Looking at the fear and winking at it helps us maintain that new-found control. No matter the fear, WE are bigger than IT. Winking is an physiological action that we can only do when we are feeling and sure of ourselves. When we're afraid, it's like our eyeballs freeze in place and it's hard to close our eyes. Winking (the conscious act of closing one eye) is just not possible.

With this new attitude, it's very difficult for a fear to reclaim it's hold on you and therefore you can move through the fear to the other side. Remember, it's a simple 3-fold process: Breathe, Identify the Worst and What You'd Do, and then WINK!

Feature Article

Making the Shift: From Sad to Happy

We all know what sad and happy feel like, at least in general terms because they are such encompassing descriptors for a whole gamut of feelings. As I use them here, sadness can be interpreted as 'downbeat' while happiness can be understood by the term 'upbeat'.

Since there is a range of emotions that can be translated to 'sadness', I think it is important to note that I believe these steps can be applied to all levels of the feeling. However, the missing ingredient for these to be effective the deeper into sadness/depression we are, is the ability to believe that they can work, as well as the energy to attempt them. With that understanding, here are 4 steps you can take to help you make the shift from sad to happy. If you find that after trying them for a while and they don't work, you may want to consider medical solutions, either with medication or a therapeutic relationship.

Be honest about what you're feeling.

You can't move away from where you are if you don't admit WHERE you are. It's even better if you can identify WHY you are that way. Sometimes the only step we need to take is to admit that we are feeling sad and it's because of x, y or z. There is a general malaise that is very contagious. This is unfortunate, but people believe that there is something 'not normal' about people who aren't unhappy. Therefore, as long as your unhappiness is not an inconvenience to a particular person, they will take no steps to help you out of it. The minute it does become inconvenient, however, you will be briskly told to 'snap out of it'!

A good tool for admitting what you are feeling is to use the phrase 'I acknowledge that I'm sad because [I don't feel good, my boyfriend left me, etc]. You'll be surprised at what a sense of relief that making this assertion out loud (even when alone) will provide you. In my experience, taking a deep breath and repeating this statement out loud three times usually does the trick. Once you own where you are, it is much easier to move away from that feeling.
Make use of all your skills and talents.

One of the feeling associated with sadness is the sense that you aren't really good at anything. Because of that belief, we tend to go within and not try anything that might 'expose' our failings to others. This, in turn, begets more sadness and feelings of uselessness.

How do we overcome this feeling? I believe a good way is to identify something, even if we don't believe we're good at it in the moment, that has brought us enjoyment in the past. It could be singing, cooking, computer programming for fun, gardening, sewing, carpentry, any sport, exercise, walking, meditation, just to get you started thinking about it. It could be doing laundry or spending time with your kids. We all have at least one thing that we enjoy. The trick is to start doing it, even when we don't feel like it. Generally speaking, after spending some time in this new activity, our mood starts to lighten up and life seems hopeful again.
Find someone else to help.

Look around you and find someone who needs assistance and then go help them! It could be a neighbor, co-worker, child, parent, or a stranger on a bus. Start looking for people to help and you will be surprised at how simple acts of kindness restore your sense of well-being. Being of service to others is always rewarding and in this case will help yourself as well as others.
Put your life in perspective.

Years ago I was a member of a woman's support group. The value of that experience still stands out to me, even after all these years. Once a week, I met with other women who had such major grief and upsets in their life that it put MY life in perspective. They really had problems; I was whining. Yes, I needed that experience for a long time, but I knew each week that I would have several days of relief from my unhappiness, when I saw things as they truly were as opposed to how they made me feel.

I hope that you will give these action steps a try. I know how effective they've each been in helping me and I believe that by using these tools, you'll find yourself on the 'sunny side of the street' in no time at all!

Related Quotes

"Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope." -- Robert Veninga

"An ounce of cheerfulness is worth a pound of sadness to serve God with." -- Thomas Fuller

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." -- Helen Keller

"You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get. No one is really responsible to make someone else happy, no matter what most people have been taught and accept as true." -- Sidney Madwed

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -- Helen Keller

"Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge." -- Audre Lorde

Recent Blog Posts

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This-N-That

New Search Engine in Town!

I've discovered a new search engine that I think you'll love, but only if you like incredibly fast response and want to see news, videos, images, questions and answers, and shopping opportunities related to your search on 3 major search engines at once: Google, Yahoo and MSN.

Leapfish has created the first multi-dimensional information aggregator and search portal in the world. Their goal is to gather, organize and render the most relevant information from the internet’s most valuable destinations for each user's search, in one single simple shot. Catch a useful video when you weren’t looking for one, see the latest news and blogs on a topic you’re searching for, or find a variety of deals on a gadget you need and more when you use LeapFish.

Give it a whirl by going here: Leapfish Search and let me know how you like it!

P.S. try searching for 'life success coach'. They have a very different advertising model as well!

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements
ELEMENT: Space and Money
ACTION STEP: Simple Feng Shui Cures for Money

Definition of Space
Space includes not only the state of our home or other environments, but also the invisible zone that surrounds our body. This zone typically expands or contracts depending on where we are and how comfortable we feel.

Definition of Money
Money includes money (incoming and invested) and the things that money represents and supplies. This includes security, stability, houses, cars and all the other stuff we buy with it. In addition, it includes our relationship with money. While true for all the elements, the idea of deserving (or not deserving) comes up most frequently around love and money.

Feng Shui is the Chinese art of placement. The following cures can transform your financial situation and can improve the general state of energy in your home. Pick several of these cures to try out. Remember to state your intention when you implement these cures, as intention goes a long way in helping feng shui change your life. Also, use your own judgment about what feels "right". If it feels right to you, it is. These cures are a sampling of the cures in 10-Minute Feng Shui by Skye Alexander. [Check out the book on Amazon.]

Place a bowl or jar near your front door and drop a penny in it each time you go in or out. Ch'i (Energy)enters your home through the front door. Because positive ch'i enhances whatever it touches, it stimulates financial growth when it encounters the coins. From a psychological perspective, each time you drop a coin in the bowl, you reaffirm your intention to become more prosperous.
Fill a jar with pennies and bury it outside your kitchen When you do this cure, you are planting "seed money" that will grow steadily in time.
Replace a washer in a leaky kitchen faucet OR Mend a hole in a pocket. Both of these cures keep money from 'slipping away'.
Display a gold star in your work area. Remember when teachers gave gold stars to students for doing excellent work? This cure uses the same symbolism to encourage you to do your best and to succeed financially and professionally.
Tape three coins underneath a plant. The plant symbolizes growth, so by affixing coins to a flowerpot that contains a living plant, you encourage financial growth.
Vacuum or dust the lampshades in your office and illuminate dark corners in your office or work area. Dirty shades dim the amount of light generated by your lamps, so keep them clean to allow ch'i to brighten your financial future. Dark corners sap positive ch'i and diminishes its power to produce wealth. Position a light so it shines light into those dark corners.
Frame a paper money bill and display it prominently in your office or work space. Each time you look at this obvious symbol of wealth, you will be reminded of your goal to attract money. For best results, choose a golden-colored frame.
Tie a red ribbon around paid bills, then file them away. When you perform this simple ritual, you eliminate any bad feelings you may have about paying bills and demonstrate confidence that you will always be able to take care of all your bills promptly.
Use a green or yellow tablecloth on your kitchen or dining table Green is the color of plants, so it suggest growth and it is also the color of money in many countries. Yellow represents gold as well as the sun's life-giving rays. When you eat meals at tables covered with either of these colors, you 'nourish' yourself with these images of prosperity.
In your office, hang a picture of a landscape with a mountain in the distance. Visual images influence you at a subconscious level. The mountain represents your long-term financial goals, still in the distance, and the heights to which you aspire. When you look at this picture, you are encouraged to continue striving for greater achievements and rewards. For best results, frame the picture in a wooden frame.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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