Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

June 4, 2009 - Issue #77
How to Use the Seven Deadly Sins
to Become Your Best Self

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Happy June!! Hope you enjoy this issue.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

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Food for Thought

"Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. " --- Robert J. Sawyer

Keep It Simple

Fear of ... Embarrassment?

We have a tendency to lump our fears together, using the umbrella word fear to describe apprehension and nervousness that stems from any one of a dozen reasons. While fear can paralyze and stop us dead in our tracks and deserves to be looked straight in the face, it is also important to recognize the source of our fear. It is much easier to combat a specific fear than to try to control a vague and nameless concern.

On the highest level, fears can be differentiated between physical and emotional. Fear of bodily harm is obviously worry about our physical well-being and may or not be appropriate depending on the circumstances. The fears we talk about most in personal development circles are the emotional fears, as these often evolve as a way of keeping ourselves from becoming our best self.

The three most obvious fears that impact our self growth are listed below:

Fear of Failure.
The fear of failure involves having one's hopes dashed and/or of proving to the world that our perception of ourselves as a loser is correct. Action Step: Work on your self esteem.

Fear of Success
The fear of success basically involves anxiety over the unknown. We may not be able to handle the changes that success will bring or the expectations of others for additional success. Action Step: Work on recognition of yourself as someone who can handle whatever life throws your way. Allow success to breed success.

Fears of Embarrassment
I've recently just isolated embarrassment as a separate fear. In the past, I've linked this to fear of failure, but I actually believe that the fear of embarrassment is worse than the fear of failure. Fear of failure is anxiety over our performance in trying something, while fear of embarrassment is anxiety over looking silly while trying something. For many of us, our biggest hope is to blend in and, in fact, be invisible. We don't want to bring attention of any sort towards us. Being thought silly creates low self esteem, while low self esteem creates fear of failure. Action Step: Embrace life fully. When you relish each and every moment of your life, your focus is on you, and not what others think of you.

If you'd like help on figuring out which fear is getting in your way, please contact me to set up a complementary session.

Feature Article

How to Use the Seven Deadly Sins
to Become Your Best Self

The seven deadly or capital sins were so called because they are believed to be fatal to one's spiritual health. They are also differentiated from venial sins, which can be forgiven without confession, and are considered lesser sins. Since the seven deadly sins are lethal to our spiritual well being, it seems logical to conclude that the opposite virtue will nurture and nourish our spiritual health. To me, the state of being one's best self is living life in wholeness and the following are suggestions for evolving ourselves.

Pride
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities. It interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It is also known as vanity and has been called the sin from which all others arise. The opposite of pride is humility. When you are humble, you are aware that, as special as you are, the world does not revolve around you.

To practice humility: Say thanks often. Saying thanks keeps our role in perspective as we acknowledge those around us.

Envy
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, situation, or possessions. Envy is not synonymous with jealousy as jealousy pertains to emotional rivalry directed towards a person. Envy, however, expresses an individual's feelings or attitude towards another person's things. It is resentment of a more fortunate person. The opposite of envy is good will. Good will is a disposition towards kindness or benevolence. It allows us to see people as people, with strengths and weaknesses, just like ourselves.

To practice good will: Find reasons to congratulate others. Also, there is a philosophy known as WOW (Wishing Only Well) that is defined as living in your highest ideals and believing in yourself. It's appreciating and respecting the diversity and magnificence of life, realizing that you are a link in the chain of life. Wishing others well, verbally and silently, as you go through your day keeps you in harmony with yourself, and harmony with self is one of the strongest hallmarks of someone living their best life.

Gluttony
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. It is the over-indulgence and over-consumption to the point of waste and is usually associated with things we put in our mouth (food or drink). The opposite of gluttony is moderation. Moderation implies living within reasonable limits, without the necessity of going to extremes.

To practice moderation: Pay attention to your body. Your body is very wise and knows when it's had enough. Unfortunately, we often eat to excess because we are trying to deaden some pain. We feed ourselves based on our emotional needs and not on our physical ones.

Lust
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body. It is similar to gluttony, but characterized by an intense or unrestrained focus on sexual expression. The opposite of lust is love. Love recognizes and magnifies worth, while lust degrades the self, the other and the act.

To practice love: Focus on the person and not the act. Love (and love-making) is the joyous interaction that marks an intimate relationship. When we express our love through sex, it is beautiful and reflective of our best self. When we are addicted to sexual release, it reduces our self esteem.

Anger
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong and is also known as wrath. The opposite of anger is often thought to be kindness, but I believe the opposite to be empathy. Empathy lets us identify with and understand another's situation, feelings, and motives.

To practice empathy: The simplest way to practice empathy is to remember to not take 'it' personally. Others aren't usually out to be mean or jerks or to interfere with your life. When someone does something that irritates you and has you responding with anger, take a few slow deep breaths and think about why you might be doing what that person just did. Sometimes I rush in traffic and accidentally cut someone off, not because I'm mean and vindictive, but because I'm focused on getting home for an important reason. Life doesn't just happen to me, it happens to all others too and when I can put myself in someone else's shoes, my anger usually dissipates.

Greed
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called avarice or covetousness. The opposite of greed is generosity. When you are generous (as opposed to being a person who gives but expects something in return), you come from a place of love and support. It is hard to be your best self if you are not completely loving and supportive.

To practice generosity: Look around you and identify people who need some support. It may be a quick 'how are you doing', but it can make a difference in that person's day, and therefore in yours! You can also give 'things', but it is generosity of spirit we are talking about here.

Sloth
Sloth is a deadly sin that has changed greatly over the years. While many define it today as physical laziness, it started life as spiritual apathy. It is preferring a life of ease, even at the cost of ignoring God's will and God's work for us. Each of us has a 'life purpose' that, regardless of the actual focus or nature, is normally expressed in service to others. The opposite of sloth is usually defined as diligence, which is the earnest and persistent application to an undertaking. However, I believe a truer opposite to the original meaning is personal growth and self development, the act of consciously seeking to improve ourselves and our lives, focused on becoming our best self.

To practice personal growth and self development: Start by appreciating who you are today and all you have accomplished or overcome. With that in mind, set an intention of actively working on becoming your best self and living your life in wholeness. Our goal is to become more God-like and free of the obstacles we throw in our own way. Each day is a journey of exploration and progress towards our end goal. Also, if you haven't already done so, identify your personal life purpose and start expressing it!

Related Quotes

"A person can achieve everything by being simple and humble." -- Riq Veda

"Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide." -- Cicero

"Love is that enviable state that knows no envy or vanity, only empathy and a longing to be greater than oneself." -- Unknown

"That's what I consider true generosity. You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing." -- Simone de Beauvoir

"They envy the distinction I have won; let them therefore, envy my toils, my honesty, and the methods by which I gained it." -- Sallust

"The greatest danger to our future is apathy." -- Jane Goodall

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Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements
ELEMENT: Money
ACTION STEP: Identifying the evidence of money as the root of evil and the root of good.

There is an old maxim that states "Money is the root of all evil." It's so ingrained in most of us that there is a widespread and deep belief that if we have money, we will become a bad or evil person. Because of that belief, we tend to stop ourselves from having financial freedom. It's a vicious circle and one that we CAN stop.

What if, instead of evil, we begin to see money as the root of all good? What kind of a change in our thinking would come out of such a different perspective?

The exercise is pretty simple.

Just get a piece of paper and divide it into two columns.
At the top of Column 1, write "Evidence for Believing that Money is the Root of All Evil"
At the top of Column 2, write "Evidence for Believing that Money is the Root of All Good"
Under each column, list as much evidence as you can for that belief. 5. Review your responses. Can you see money in a new, powerful, life affirming way? Write down any awareness you have come to through this exercise.

If you're like me (and this surprised me), I could not think of one piece of evidence for money being the root of all evil, but I had a lot under it being the root of all good. Hopefully, that's the first step in changing my belief about money and allowing it to become a symbol of energy and not a character destroying element.

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Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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