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The 3-Minute Coach

April 2, 2009 - Issue #73
Eight Ways to Earn Respect

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Louise

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Food for Thought

"Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or better." --- John Updike

Keep It Simple

Golden Threads of a Successful Life

People who know the most know that they know so little, while people who know nothing want to take all day to tell you about it.
Self improvement can be harmful if you are doing it to look better. If you live your life helping others look better, you'll become better without trying.
If you give in order to get something, you're not giving --- you're trading.
Big people are always giving someone credit and taking blame; little people are always seeking credit and giving blame.
Don't worry about having to make a right decision. Make it and then work to make it right.
An attitude of gratitude should flavor everything you do. Learning to be thankful is the golden thread woven through every truly successful life.

By Charles "Tremendous" Jones, condensed from Life is Tremendous by Alice Gray, Steve Stephens and John Van Diest in Lists to Live By, the Third Collection.

Feature Article

Eight Ways to Earn Respect

According to thefreedictionary.com, respect is a feeling of appreciative, often deferential, regard or esteem.

There are many people who believe that they are owed respect because of who THEY think they are. The truth is, respect is not an inalienable right (at least not past the respect we all deserve for being here) but a hard-won honor. Regardless of the position we have in life, we must work constantly at earning and maintaining respect. While some positions may appear to demand respect (a high government official or a cleric, for example), the truth is we can only respect the position if the man/woman in it deserves respect. If you don't respect the person, it is impossible to respect the position.

Since how much we are respected lies completely in our hands, I've come up with some guidelines to help you earn respect.

Respect others.
It's a basic law of life that we are more likely to receive what we are willing to give. If you don't respect the person in front of you, seeing them as a valuable human being, it's difficult to imagine you being respected by them. (It's probably why I can't watch American Idol. Such tearing down and disrespect of others makes me nauseous, literally!)

Respect yourself.
When you feel good and respect yourself, it is usually easier to earn respect. You know what you are doing that makes you not respect yourself and you know that others around you have probably figured it out too. Let the past go and start focusing on what it will take for you to respect yourself. I believe that just this one step will produce incredible results in your level of esteem in other's eyes.

Be truthful.
You can't lie to manipulate a situation. It may work in the short term, but eventually people figure out you lied to them and tend to lose any respect for you they might have had. And respect, once lost, is usually gone forever.

Be honorable.
This is more than being truthful. This is doing the right thing for the right reason. None of us are perfect and no one I know has earned the right to cast the first stone. Therefore, we must be constantly striving to live in wholeness and be our best self.

Be "in" integrity.
Maintain a balance of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual dimensions. Being "in" integrity is different from the traditional meaning of the word, which is to be honest. For me, being "in" integrity means your actions match your words which match your beliefs. It also means being willing to stand up for what you believe in and being willing to make it clear to others where you stand.

Be honest.
If you make a mistake, admit it. There are few simpler ways of earning respect. Most of us are willing to forgive and will even think more of you if you admit your wrong doing.

Choose your words carefully.
Don't forget to use words like "Thank You", "I'm Sorry", "Please Forgive Me", "Nice Job". The best leaders know how to empower people, and the best leaders tend to be respected by peers, bosses, reports, and everyone who comes in contact with them.

Be reliable.
Don't promise anything you don't plan to do. Be careful of even simple phrases like "I'll call you". For some people that is a verbal contract that they expect you to fill. Once you promise to do something, do it.

Remember, if you are not respected, you have only yourself to blame! Be willing to be honest with yourself about how you are creating this situation of non-respect. Today's the day you get to make different choices in order to get different results!

Related Quotes

"That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong." -- William J.H. Boetcker

"He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce" -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue." -- John Herschel

"In your clothes avoid too much gaudiness; do not value yourself upon an embroidered gown; and remember that a reasonable word, or an obliging look, will gain you more respect than all your fine trappings." -- Sir George Savile

"The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts." -- William Hazlitt

"If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself." -- Spanish Proverb

"Integrity combined with faithfulness is a powerful force and worthy of great respect." -- Real Live Preacher

"Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them." -- Bill Kelly

"In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned. " -- Jane Haddam

Recent Blog Posts

About Promises / MiniMeditation: Inner Harmony / The 5 Stages of Change / You must believe in abundance for attraction to work / Looking at life from behind the wheel

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

The Wealth of Time - Being Successful Without Money
by Crystal N. Woods

Success is the elusive genie we are all chasing these days, but how many of us have ever stopped to think what it would mean if we could catch it?

What does success look like? Well, it's been said all too often that it means different things to different people, but a common thread for many seems to be the option or freedom to make choices. What do buy, where to go, what to wear, what to spend our time doing.

It's an interesting phrase, that. "Spend our time". It implies that time is just as valuable as money. In some ways, it's even more so. People can make more money, but how easy is it to make more time? There's a general agreement that having lots of money but no time to use it is NOT achieving true success, and vice versa - lots of time but no money just means you're unemployed.

Here's where the successful think differently to the merely rich. Making money involves leveraging what you have - having your money work for you to make more, so that you don't have to work so hard to make the money. Well, it's possible to leverage time, too.

Here's an interesting definition of success: Imagine that you live in a beautiful home that you had custom built exactly as you wanted. It's furnished the way you pictured it to be, even though it took a while to get everything just so. Best of all, you have people come in to do the gardening, cleaning, ironing and even a delivery service for the cooking, giving you hours extra per day to spend doing what you enjoy and do best.

Think this would be a fairly successful lifestyle? Most people would. Now, think it would take a lot of money? Well, actually that's an assumption. It can be done without much at all. There are barter systems these days, you could have traded your enjoyable passion for, say, artworks or web design, to the builder, the cleaner, the gardener etc, and the furniture could have been arranged through an online swap service letting you get rid of your old stuff at the same time.

Now, still think success requires money? Think again. Probably the most attractive part of the above description is the TIME. Using your time as you choose is one of the new forms of wealth, and it really is a currency all by itself. It can be leveraged through hiring other people, it can be wasted just like any other resource (the phrase "killing time" is a particularly offensive one to me) and the more effectively you use it, the better your results end up.

So, to build your wealth, you can keep on putting aside your ten percent into a savings account at maybe five percent, or you can expand your success goals to include a program that will buy you back some time for an immediate success boost. Look up time management and find one simple thing you can do to improve your skills in that area today. Research "Time Quotient", the new field of intelligence around time management, and find yourself a program that helps improve your ability to get results.

You know you should be saving 10% of your income towards building wealth, now how about finding ways to improve your time management to get 10% more time back? Congratulations, you've just made a real and instant lifestyle improvement towards living your own success.

Crystal N Woods
http://crystalsquest.com
twitter: @crystalsquest
Success by Self Esteem: Come join me as I share my quest...

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Complete the Past.
ACTION STEP: Tapping to Clear the Past

This issue's exercise is offered by Richard Ross, Transformational Coach, Energy Worker, Spiritual Counselor and Colleague of many years.© 2002-Present

Richard created the Emotional Freedom & Healing work (EFH) for those who want to move quickly through longstanding issues in a peaceful, gentle way. If you're not familiar with "tapping", you'll get the hang of it right away in this excellent introduction. For more information on Richard and his services, visit his website at www.emotionalfreedom.com.

The following exercise is a short emotional release (EF&H) process to help resolve any unwanted emotions or situations.

Begin by putting your attention on the problem, issue, feeling, or situation. Fully feel it. Then......

Point One
Heart Point- (find the tender, or sore, spot above left breast, below collarbone, and gently rub in a small circle) and while rubbing continuously state out loud:

"I affirm and clear:

I now let go of all limiting beliefs I took on in this or any other lifetime.

I now let go of all fear thoughts and all energies, that never belonged to me.

I now revoke, rescind, and cancel, all non-serving contracts, and all agreements and bonds which are no longer in alignment with my true life purpose!"

Stop rubbing, hold the point, and take a full breath in and out.

Point Two
Find the little knob (bump) at the center of the back of your head, where the bottom of skull meets the top of the neck, the bump is on the bone. Using several fingers, rub steadily and lightly on this knob, as you repeat out loud (pause briefly after each sentence):

"I deserve to live, and I accept love, help and healing. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I now choose to live in alignment with my true life purpose. It is safe for me to show up fully in the world now.

I now invoke a new contract...I choose to live in peace, love and joy.....I choose to live a life that supports and serves me perfectly in every way, now, and in the future .. and forever. So be it, and so it is. Amen."

Stop rubbing, hold the point, and take a full breath in and out.

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Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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