Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

January 16, 2009 Issue #70
Basket of Wisdom - My Gift to You!

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Happy 2009! I had intended to send this basket of wisdom as a holiday basket of wisdom, but I figure a gift basket is good whenever you get it.

I hope you are planning to make 2009 your best ever. What plans and goals have you come up with so far? Let me know!

Also, don't forget to visit my blog. You can use the link at the top of the newsletter. As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email or on my site, under Archives.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

Food for Thought

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time." --- Bertrand Russell

Keep It Simple

Living vs Existing

I love words and the power they have. It is usually easy to find the EXACT word that fits want you want to say. This exactitude allows you to know whether you are in integrity or not, as you react different emotionally to different words. When it's not 100% true, it just doesn't feel right.

A perfect example of this is Living vs Existing, which we use interchangeably. Yet, there is a big difference in how those 2 words ... and lives .... feel. For example, To really live (Living) means to risk getting hurt or looking foolish. It means to revel in the present, even when it's painful or sad, or some other uncomfortable emotion. The point is, a full life means experiencing ALL the possible emotions.

To exist is to play it safe. It is going through the motions of daily life, often in a numb haze. We protect ourselves from feeling, the very essence of life, at all costs. Whether we use food, drugs, alcohol or just the TV to deaden our senses, it's all the same. All experiences elicit the same response: a feeling of being disconnected from the experience, whether it's yours or someone else's.

Look at your life. Are there areas where you are really LIVING? And others where you are just EXISTING? How do you turn the EXISTING into LIVING? It is definitely possible!

Feature Article

Basket of Wisdom - My Gift to You!

As I reflect back on my almost 10 years of professional coaching, I can see the similarities in both problems and solutions when individuals are striving to become their best self and live in wholeness. Accepting the following bits of wisdom can create significant change in your life!

Attitude of Gratitude
A key attribute of people who live their best life is gratitude. They are grateful for all the good in their lives (people, things, experiences) as well as for the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons when negative or uncomfortable situations arise.

3 Minute Miracle
This is a tool that I use all the time, both personally and with all my clients. BREATHE!!! This doesn't mean the unconscious sort of breathing we spend most of our day doing, but a very focused awareness of the process of breathing. And it's simple! Just pay attention to the physical act of breathing. Notice how it feels as you take in air, allowing it to fill your lungs and spread throughout your body. Hold it as long as you can, maintaining focus on the physical act. Then exhale, loud and slow. (I usually ask clients to make sure I hear them exhale over the phone). Do this 3 times, each time doing it slower. At the end, you will be clear and focused, in your "center of wisdom". Now is the time to ask questions like "What's the most important thing to do right now?"

Don't take it personally
In my opinion, Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements is one of the most brilliant guidelines for being your best self. Especially, the agreement to not take anything personally. "Nothing others do is because of you. what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." For a PDF version of a 1-page Summary of the Four Agreements, please visit here.

Fundamental Human Needs
In the early days, I used an assessment created by Thomas Leonard to determine what unfulfilled needs a person had. Over and over again, it came down to feeling accepted, valued and/or acknowledged. We need to know that we count. Hearing it from others is nice, but we also need to hear it from ourselves. In fact, I would recommend acknowledging yourself (and others) first, and then let the acknowledgement be mirrored back to you.

Ministry of Presence
Some time ago, I attended a funeral where the priest spoke about "the ministry of presence". He encouraged each of us to be truly present in every moment and with each person we come in contact with. Give them the gift of your 100% attention. This is especially important with family members as this total attention on your part is vital to their emotional wellbeing (see last item!). By the way, as quality is usually more important than quantity, you'll probably find (as many of my clients do) that when you give the important people in your life 100% attention, they will ask it of you less frequently, as they find they don't need constant "proof" of your affection.

Give what you want to Receive
When there is something we want from others (emotional or physical, not items), the absolute best way to get it is to start giving it to others. The more you give it, the more you will feel it yourself, and the more people will start giving it back. Incredibly simple, but very effective!

Get that you deserve what you want
No matter what you want, you DESERVE to have it! It's just a fact. So many of us feel the need to be punished for something (often something trivial that no one else remembers) and therefore feel that joy is out of their reach. A vital belief to being your best self is "I'm good enough just the way I am".

Take ownership and reject victimhood
It is human nature to want to escape accountability, so it's so easy to blame others for everything in your life. However, 'eternal' victims do NOT become their best self or live their life in wholeness. In order to claim the power to change your life, you MUST accept responsibility for everything in it today. All of those 'people' are just helping you learn a valuable life lesson. However, accepting responsibility for what happened does NOT change their accountability. Taking ownership doesn't let them off the hook; it frees YOU!

Keep improving 1% a day to Wholeness
So often, we try to change too much and become overwhelmed at the prospect, leading us to not change at all! The best antidote to this is to focus on slight improvements each day. While it's important to identify a 'SMART' ultimate goal, we can't focus on that everyday. Turn that big goal into mini ones. For example, if you want to exercise 30 minutes 3 days a week, do it in small percentages at a time. 1% of 30 minutes is .3 minutes, but 3 minutes is 10%. So, the first week, exercise 3 minutes for 3 days. The second week, double that to 6 minutes. Keep your focus on increasing that amount of time and before you know it, you are at your goal!

Focus on Being Best Self
Being is more important than Doing or Having. That is so simple and elegant, I don't think I can add to it!

Self Talk shapes our lives
The constant chatter in our minds shapes our lives more than all other experiences and events put together. It's not the teacher who made fun of us, but the daily reminder of it that makes us vulnerable and protective. It shuts us down.... or lifts us up! That is why it is so important to break those negative thoughts, changing them at least to neutral thoughts if you can't get to happy ones right away.

Beliefs CAN be changed
All of our beliefs are learned. That is good news because it means they can be changed. There is no off/on switch, however. The process of changing a belief is just that, a process, something you must choose and commit to. (If you're interested in finding out more about this, please consider a complimentary session, your free test drive).

All emotional response means SOMETHING
When we have any emotional response to a person, thing, experience, event, movie, book, anything at all, there is a reason for that response on our part. While we may not need to pick apart the happy or joyful responses, there is always value in looking at why you shut down, get angry, want to cry, or feel any uncomfortable feeling, particularly when other people are not responding to the stimulus in the same way.

Being our best self takes courage and strength
In order to achieve wholeness in our lives, we need to accept that we have the courage to face the worst and the strength to expect and allow the best. Sometimes our fear of the "worst" happening will paralyze us so much that we don't even know what the worst is! Acknowledging what the worst is (and identifying a few ways we might deal with it if it did happen), allows us to move past the fear. Once we've moved past the fear, we then need to work on expecting and allowing the best. For some, this is even more frightening than facing the worst.

Related Quotes

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.." -- Immanuel Kant

"A short saying oft contains much wisdom." -- Sophocles

"Vision - It reaches beyond the thing that is, into the conception of what can be. Imagination gives you the picture. Vision gives you the impulse to make the picture your own. " -- Robert Collierr

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." -- Alfred Lord Tennyson

"A man may learn wisdom even from a foe." -- Aristophanes

"That is true wisdom, to know how to alter one's mind when occasion demands it." -- Terence

"Wisdom is knowledge which has become a part of one's being." -- Orison Swett Marden

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Certainty
Mohammed Ali

The most important human need is that of certainty. We need to feel certain that our actions or our ideas will lead to a positive outcome for both ourselves and others.

The difference between something being successful or not is the level of certainty that is behind it.

If you are certain that it will succeed, it will seem effortless to achieve it.

If you are uncertain that it will succeed, fear and a sense of concern will block you from successfully achieving what you desire.

Take some time to think about the power of certainty. Listen to Martin Luther King Jr. I have a Dream Speech and hear the certainty in his voice. Hear the certainty with which Churchill inspired the Allies in the Second World War.

The power that an attitude of certainty has is very powerful. No obstacle can stand in its way.

Decide what you want and commit to a sense of certainty that ensures that it will be achieved. By doing this, nothing can stand in your way.
-----------------------------

To read more of Mohammed's short but insightful "Power Thoughts", please visit LifeJewel.com

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements.
ELEMENT: Time.
ACTION STEP: Creating time.

One of the best ways to create time is to stop wasting it! It sounds simple, yet it still eludes many of us. I remember when I started Coach University and one of Thomas Leonard's earliest lessons was to "stop doing errands". I can't tell you how I struggled to get my head around that one! Back then, it was truly a foreign concept. I'm glad to say I finally got past it and I now understand what Thomas meant. He did NOT mean to stop doing these necessary things, but to change how and how frequently we do them.

Here are some ideas to help you create time. Pay attention to which you like and which you resist. Pick one and do it consistently for a least one month; then pick another one and focus on that.

Stock up on necessary items. Always have enough household basics on hand to last you from 1 to 6 months. The actual time you choose will depend on the storage you have available to you. If you live in a one-room studio, you will have a lot less storage space then if you live in a 3 story house with a basement and a garage. Pick the length of time that works for you and get enough toilet paper, paper toweling, laundry detergent, underwear, whatever, that will last you for that time period.

Combine like activities. Another great time saver is to combine similar activities or activities in geographic areas. For example, decide on one day a week or two weeks when you run all those external errands. Keep a pile for dry cleaning or other such items until your 'errand day'. Or, group things by location. For example, do anything necessary on the west side of town one day, those on the east another. (Unless, of course, you live in a small town like I do, which isn't big enough to have a west and an east!!).

Use technology Use the technology available today to help you get back time. For example, pay your bills or order your groceries online. When possible, have payments come right out of your checking account. Choose broadband --- or anything else --- over dial up (assuming other alternatives are available). Create folders and filters in your email software. Allow newsletters and mail from certain people to be sent right to the appropriate folder. That way, when you check your inbox, you are only dealing with "important" stuff. There are many other items that you can take care of over the internet. If there is any activity that you avoid because it feels overwhelming, ask yourself if there is a way to accomplish it using your computer or phone.

Take time for yourself. Sometimes, you have to TAKE time in order to GET time. If you are exhausted, I can guarantee that whatever it is you are doing will take twice as long as it would if you were refreshed and renewed. This might mean giving up some time in the day for a "power snooze", but you'll get that time back triple-fold!. Be honest with yourself, and as specific as you can get. Even if it starts out a little vague, as discomfort or happiness, the next time see if it can get a little more specific. The more specific you can get, the better chance you can move through it.

Develop systems that save you steps and time. Pay attention to when you start feeling annoyed when you are trying to accomplish something, either at home or at work.
- Do you have to get up each time you need something? Move it closer to where you do the something!
- Can't find what you need? Get a box or anything that will hold it and make sure all items go in there. This is especially great for mail. Get 2 boxes or gift bags. Mark one as "Important" or "Action". Mark the other as "Rainy Day". Those are for items that you have interest in, but are not critical to fulfilling any responsibility you might have. Of course, this assume you have already ditched any 'trash' mail as soon as you get and identify it. In the States, you can also mark unopened mail as "Refused" and return it to the post office.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-484-660-3143
Email:

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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