Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

September 27, 2007, Issue #68
Remember the Pyramid: First Needs First!

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Who can believe it's the end of another season? Whether you are about to enter Fall or Spring, it's a great time to institute change in your life. Hope this issue gives you some ideas for growing towards your best self!

As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email (Ezezine's archive.) or on my site, under Archives.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

Food for Thought

"If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Keep It Simple

To Be or Not to Be... Committed that Is!

We all know what vicious circles are: they are the hamster wheels that go around and around and never stop. I've recently run into an interesting one, which has to do with the idea of commitment. For many people, making a commitment means you are not allowed to back down or fail, EVER! So, if there is any hint of failure, or worse really, any hint of not succeeding it becomes impossible for them to commit to something. I feel, by the way, that not succeeding is very different from failing as it implies trying but not being able to do it anyway and is ALWAYS possible!

Since it is definitely impossible to succeed at something you don't commit to, there we are, smack dab in the middle of our vicious circle! How to resolve the dilemna? Well, the first step is to understand what commitment really is. The dictionary defines commitment as the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons. It's about INTENTION. And it's about TAKING ACTION in accordance with that intention, and to KEEP TAKING ACTION as long as it takes to achieve that goal.

With that new understanding of commitment, recognize that what you are committed to is the process of growth and development. Each action you take brings you closer to your goal and is a milestone along the way, whether or not it is the FINAL milestone or not. While it is certainly possible to join Saul and have a "road to Damascus" experience, most of us emulate the turtle, getting there slowly but surely, tiny step by tiny step. Enjoy each and every step!!

Feature Article

Remember the Pyramid: First Needs First!

Having set off on the journey towards wholeness, we are constantly striving to become our best self and to live our best life. As part of that process, we actively (although sometimes unconsciously!) seek out the obstacles that prevent us from being and living our best. These often take the form of childhood experiences which form our beliefs (usually negative) and impact our self esteem and worthiness. Obstacles such as this are not insurmountable but often take time and energy before we are totally free.

Being able to confront the blocks which get in the way of achieving wholeness is simple, but by no means easy. First, we need the intention of being our best self and the willingness to take on each hurdle that presents itself. Interestingly enough, nothing presents itself until we are ready for it, both emotionally and physically. So once it rears its ugly head, be assured that you've picked the right time to deal with the obstacle because you've completed all the prequisites for it. The prerequisites probably involved a number of challenges you've already addressed.

However, even with the intention and willingness in place, lately I've been seeing another pattern emerge, something else that is getting in the way of being our best self. This difficulty, however, is both simple AND easy to address! What is it you wonder? Well, it's tiredness... or hunger ... or thirst! To explain it better, I'd like to talk about Abraham Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, detailed below in its usual depiction of a pyramid.

These needs are further described below, with what I feel is the corresponding realm or aspect of our total self, either physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.

Maslow's Need	Description	Realm
Self Actualization	Challenging projects, opportunities, innovation and creativity, learning	Combination and Integration of all 4, Best Self
Ego/Esteem	Important projects, recognition from others, prestige and status	Spiritual
Social/Belonging	Acceptance, being part of a group, identification with a successful team	Emotional
Safety/Security	Physical safety, economic security, Freedom from threats	Mental
Physiological	Physical survival, water, food, sleep, warmth, etc.	Physical

The dictionary defines a need as a physiological or pscyhological requirement for the wellbeing of an organism. Since it is a requirement, it could be argued that, even though most of us have both satisfied and unsatisfied needs at each level, the behavior of an individual at a particular moment in time is usually determined by their STRONGEST NEED. Because it is a pyramid the lower the level of need, the more priority it has as each level rests on the platform built by the needs below it. That means that no matter how much we need creativity, recognition, acceptance, or security, we can not deal with those needs until the most basic of our needs are met.

What I've been seeing more and more is clients who are feeling unloved or unappreciated or in inappropriate fear get to a point where they admit that they are over-tired or hungry. (Thirst very seldom comes into the picture, probably because we tend to find time in our hectic schedules to satisfy thirst. Most of us seem to come attached with a water bottle or coffee cup these days.) Once the physical needs are met with healthy food, a nap, meditation or deep breathing, their outlook on life seems to change. They stop looking for others to fill their emotional or psychological needs and take back responsibility for their life. Once things are back in perspective, they are once again able to focus on creating their best self and best life.

So, the next time you are feeling unloved or unappreciated, ask yourself some honest questions. Am I tired or hungry? If I was full and rested, would I be feeling like this? What can I do now to take care of my first needs first? If you need a battlecry to help you ask these questions, then I suggest "Remember the Pyramid!". And remember to be gentle on yourself if you find that indeed you are feeling needy because you're tired. Adding guilt to neediness does nothing to bring you closer to your best self!

For more on Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, I found this very clear explanation of his theory as I was searching for an image of the pryamid http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/maslow.html

Related Quotes

"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. " -- Benjamin Franklin

"There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep." -- Homer

"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep." -- Joan Klempner

"If hunger makes you irritable, better eat and be pleasant." -- Sefir Hasidim

"Food is the most primitive form of comfort." -- Sheila Graham

"Not even the gods fight against necessity." -- Plato

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." -- Ovid

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Running Late...Again!
or Help for the Terminally Tardy
by Diana DeLonzor

Chronic lateness can be a surprisingly difficult habit to overcome, according to Diana DeLonaor, author of the new book, Never Be Late Again, 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged. Contrary to popular opinion, most chronically late people don't enjoy being late, she explains, but often have difficulty with time management and procrastination in general.

How to change? Ms. DeLonzor recommends starting with a few basic steps:

Relearn to tell time.
To avoid magical thinking, keep track for one week of how long your daily tasks actually take, then post those new time frames somewhere you’ll see them every day. Start each day with a written schedule based on your new time estimates.

Never plan to be on time.
Always plan to be 15 minutes early. Late folks tend to have an aversion to waiting, so they try to time their arrivals to the minute. “If the drive to work takes 20 minutes and it’s 22 minutes before 9:00, the late person, rather than leaving the house, will continue reading the paper or cleaning the breakfast dishes until exactly 8:40,” explains DeLonzor. This kind of split second time management rarely works out.

Welcome the Wait.
Maintaining timeliness will be tough if you view waiting time as wasted time. So begin to think of waiting as something you look forward to, as enjoyable, luxury time to take a break from your busy life. Bring a book, magazine, language tapes or a paper and pen to help you enjoy the time.

What if you’re on the other side of the fence? What can you do about a chronically late person in your life?

First, get the late person’s attention by visiting www.neverbelateagain.com to order an anonymous lateness citation. It’s a good way to get the point across in a funny, light-hearted way.

Second, don’t take another’s lateness personally. Remember that it has nothing to do with you. Sit down and have a talk before too much resentment builds up. Calmly and constructively explain your feelings.

Third, institute a system of penalties and rewards. For instance, agree that if the late person is more than 15 minutes late for dinner, they’ll pay for the wine or dessert. If you’re an employer, institute a punctuality policy with rewards and penalties. Communicate the policy to all employees, enforce it consistently, and be sure the policy includes a resolution to start meetings on time. Two minutes after the meeting starts, lock the door. Open it for latecomers, but do not backtrack on subjects

This is an excerpt from an article by the same name. To see the entire article, please visit www.touchpointcoaching.com/tips/Running_Late_Again.pdf

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Diana DeLonzor is an internationally recognized management consultant who headed a study in association with San Francisco State University, investigating chronic lateness, its causes, and the psychological characteristics of late people versus the timely. Please visit her website at Never Be Late Again, 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged now.

This-N-That

The ICE Campaign

I recently recieved an email describing the ICE (In Case of Emergency) Cell Phone Campaign. It's a simple idea that makes you wonder why you didn't think of it! (Oh, and by the way, I always check these emails out on hoax-identifying websites. This is NOT a hoax. To verify it yourself, visit the Urban Legends site.

We all carry our mobile phones with names and numbers stored in its memory but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends. If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our mobile phone but wouldn't know who to call. Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? Hence the 'ICE' (In Case of Emergency) campaign. The concept of 'ICE' is catching on quickly. It is a method of contact during emergency situations. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name 'ICE' ( In Case Of Emergency).

The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when he went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital Staff would be able to quickly contact the right person by simply dialing the number you have stored as 'ICE.' For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference! Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our Mobile phones today!

Please forward this. It won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest. ICE will speak for you when you are not able to.

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements.
ELEMENT: Strong Sense of Self.
ACTION STEP: Defining Best Self & Best Life.

This issue's action step is an exercise designed to help you get clear about the what you really mean when you talk about becoming your best self and living your best life. It's one thing to know that where we're at isn't our best self, but having a definite idea of what it looks like will help us get there easier and faster.

While the focus of this exercise is to identify our definition of 'best,' we are also going to look at our ideas of success and perfection. For many of us, these are buzz words that impact our lives even though we don't always know exactly what we mean by them. Hopefully by the end of the exercise, you will migrate from success and perfection to best self and best life.

Take a clean piece of paper. For this exercise, I will be giving you four 'starting phrases' that I want you to complete with 3 (4 tops!) statements. Keep your responses at the highest level possible. This is an opportunity to look at the forest and not the trees. Take your time and really think through your responses.
1. Phrase 1: "I know I'm successful when: (complete this phrase with 3 high-level statements.
2. Phrase 2: "I know I'm perfect when:.
3. Phrase 3: "I know I'm being my best self when:"
4. Phrase 4: "I know I'm living my best life when:"

Once you've identified your top 3 responses to each phrase, read them over slowly. How accurate do they feel? Any changes or tweaking that need to be made? Feel free to tweak away!
1. Notice how your definitions for "perfect" compare to your definition of "best self".
2. Notice how your definitions for "successful" compare to your definition of "best life".
3. Which set of definitions turn you on more? While all of the definitions are powerful, most people find they resonate just a little more to their definitions of best self and best life. The rest of the exercise will focus on those definitions.

Read your definitions for "I know I'm being my best self when".
1. Ask yourself this question: "Right now, to what percent am I being my best self?" Mark down your answer (take the 1st one that comes to you) and the date.
2. Ask yourself "What stopped me from saying 100%?" Record your answer.
3. Say the following outloud: I am being my best self to 70%. (or whatever percentage you said above.) Does that feel right? Many people find that their first gut is too low and they are actually being their best self to a higher percentage. It might even be lower than you first answer. The object here is to say the phrase multiple times and change your response if it doesn't feel right.
4. Use the following clarifying statements, saying each one out loud until you know it's an absolute truth for you. Do NOT move on until it's true. For our example, I'm going to use a response of 70% to the question "Right now, to what percent am I being my best self?" Substitute your number(s) in each phrase.
  1. I'm 100% open to the idea of being my best self at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  2. I'm 100% willing to be my best self at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  3. I'm 100% ready to be my best self at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  4. I now choose to be my best self at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  5. I'm committed 100% to being my best self at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.

Read your definitions for "I know I'm living my best life when".
1. Ask yourself this question: "Right now, to what percent am I living my best life?" Mark down your answer (take the 1st one that comes to you) and the date.
2. Ask yourself "What stopped me from saying 100%?" Record your answer.
3. Say the following outloud: I am living my best life to 70%. (or whatever percentage you said above.) Does that feel right? Many people find that their first gut is too low and they are actually living their best life to a higher percentage. It might even be lower than you first answer. The object here is to say the phrase multiple times and change your response if it doesn't feel right.
4. Use the following clarifying statements, saying each one out loud until you know it's an absolute truth for you. Do NOT move on until it's true. For our example, I'm going to use a response of 70% to the question "Right now, to what percent am I living my best life?" Substitute your number(s) in each phrase.
  1. I'm 100% open to the idea of living my best life at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  2. I'm 100% willing to live my best life at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  3. I'm 100% ready to live my best life at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  4. I now choose to live my best life at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.
  5. I'm committed 100% to living my best life at 100% power level, which is only a 30% change.

Reflect on the exercise. Take a new piece of paper and write down your thoughts, feelings and any awarenesses you might have had.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-484-660-3143
Email:

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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