Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

July 2, 2007, Issue #66
The Winter of My Day

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Surprise! You didn't have to wait 6 months between issues! I'm glad you were sitting down when this issue came in and hope you're happy that I'm going back on a more regular (albeit still periodic) schedule.

As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email (Ezezine's archive.) or on my site, under Archives.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

Food for Thought

"To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future." --- Plutarch

Keep It Simple

Focus on Best Self, then Best Life

Check it out! www.touchpointcoaching.com/blog

It is always interesting to me how a pattern develops with my clients. Lately, I've been having a lot of conversions about Best Self vs Best Life. While I always talk about Wholeness as the ability to be your best self and live your best life (and still feel strongly about that), I think that I may be giving the wrong impression.

It is becoming increasingly clear that living your best life is an OUTCOME of being your best self. When we are committed to becoming the best person we can be, the elements of our best life seem to fall into place. In addition, be careful not to confuse your "best" self with your "biggest" self. Sometimes our potential seems very scary, but I find that putting focus back on becoming our best self puts things in perspective.

You might want to make a list of what your best self looks life. Remember, when defining our best self we are talking about the qualities we want to exhibit and the way we want to live our life. In fact, this document will be a great starting point for creating a personal Mission Statement. [For an example, check out my personal mission statement, particularly the Principles.]

A clarifying statement that appears to be very effective for everyone who has worked with it is "I now choose to use all my energy to create my best self". Take a deep breath, say it out loud, notice your first thought or feeling. Repeat the process and notice how the weight of the world seems to fall off your shoulders!

Feature Article

The Winter of My Day

In our quest for self knowledge, sometimes we overlook the the most obvious details. It takes energy to focus on self growth and personal development and one of the biggest ways we waste energy is to work against the flow of our natural rhythym. Very often, we allow others (our bosses, kids, parents, neighbors) to dictate the flow of our day without thinking about our innate personal rhythm.

Because it generally doesn't involve beliefs or conditioning, getting a handle on our personal rhythym is a perfect starting point for learning how to free up energy to create our best selves. An easy way to approach this is to look at each of our days as a microcosm of the seasons of the year. We can see the cyclical nature of a year because we have months of each season for it to hit home. But what about the cyclical nature of our day? There is a time in each day that corresponds to the four seasons. In fact, we may run through all the seasons several times each day.

The following should help you get a sense of what the seasons of your day look like. Try to get a sense of what time(s) of day these seasons equate to for you.

During the spring of our day, we are at our freshest. This is when we are most creative, most vital, most excited about whatever we are doing. We feel wide awake and alert. It feels good to be alive!

The summer of our day, like the season, comes after the spring. We are still capable of doing good work, but the focus and intensity isn't quite there. It is during the summer that we more easily allow distractions to take us away from what we are doing, although as a rule, we can still get back to doing work with only a minor inner struggle.

During the fall of our day, there is a general winding down. We start splitting our focus between now (this morning, today) and later (after lunch, this evening or tomorrow). We can do some work here, and we can definitely push past our limits when necessary, but our brain starts focusing on what can be done later and how we should prepare for that. We've all had the same reaction to the phone call that comes in at 4:55 when 5:00 is the official end of our work day. If we do take it, it's hard work to maintain our professionalism!

The winter of our day is when the land, and the brain, goes fallow. We need to allow time for regeneration and revitalization. At night, our obvious response to this need is to sleep and refresh our mind, body and spirit. However, we usually have another winter sometime earlier in the day. Depending on how -- and where -- you spend your day, you might even be able to get a nap in. However, I know I never had a boss who could get behind that 100%!

So, how do you take care of the need to lie fallow and rejuvenate while at work? The first step for everyone is to identify what time of the day is YOUR winter. Then, if you have control over your time at work, schedule time in your calendar for quiet work. It is absolutely possible to refresh ourselves while doing routine tasks such as filing, responding to emails, updating reports, etc. The key to the activity is that it only needs a small percentage of your brain to do accurately and no creativity is needed.

If you don't have control over your workday, take advantage of scheduled breaks to rejuvenate yourself. Sometimes just the opposite of what we usually do can help refresh us. For example, if you sit or stand all day, get up, stretch, walk around. If you are in constant movement, find a few moments to sit and be quiet. (The bathroom is a great place to find a few moments of recharge time!) Also, fresh air will revive us, so if possible, head outside for a few minutes.

Three exercises I strongly recommend to help you get recharged are:

Follow your breath for 3 long, deep breaths. Really focus on the process of breathing, allowing your mind to become totally involved. Pay attention as the air enters your body and fills your lungs, hold it as long as you can, then very slowly, exhale deeply. Before you take your 3 breaths, set this intention: Every breath I take is like 20 minutes of renewing, refreshing, rejuvenating sleep. [I think the effectiveness of this will surprise you.]

A great clarifying statement is to repeat the following several times: "I work at maximum effectiveness and efficiency in a minimum of time". This also has the ability to calm you down and eliminate the sense of overwhelm we often feel at work.

Laugh! Laughter is a wonderful way for us to get recharged. Lighten things up (including your energy) by finding something humorous and laughing your way to revitalized energy.

Please let me know how paying attention to the seasons of your day and making conscious efforts to renew yourself work for you!

Related Quotes

"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." -- Henry David Thoreau

"True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment." -- William Penn

"We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"[Spring is] when life's alive in everything." -- Christina Rosetti

"In a way winter is the real spring, the time when the inner things happen, the resurge of nature." -- Edna O'Brien

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

The Top 5 Mistakes People Make When Trying to Lose Weight
by Marna Goldstein Thall

People go on diets.
The absolute biggest mistake people make is that they go on diets. There is absolutely no benefit in trying diets, none. A lifestyle change, yes, but dieting puts us out of equilibrium and creates an unnatural way of living. What I see over and over again, is that people get excited about a specific diet, they dream that this diet will change their lives and after a week or two (perhaps they are able to be on a diet for as long as a month or two…there’s no way I could ever do that) they realize that they can no longer maintain a lifestyle with all these new restrictions, so they stop the diet, only in search for a new “better" diet. Usually weight gain is immediate after dieting because of water weight loss and the excitement to eat all of the restricted foods. Often, a great deal of overeating takes place. What’s worse is that people’s self-esteem severely suffers. Diets don’t teach people to deal with the feelings of being hungry or the feelings of being full, they never address emotional eating for reasons other then hunger and diets lack flexibility.

People try doing it on their own.
Every successful person I know has some sort of coach. I have a real estate coach and a business coach, both helping me to succeed in areas that I never dreamed possible. A good coach helps you create the life you want by offering support, honest feedback, and insight while holding you accountable to your best self. The area of weight is very personal to your specific needs. One shoe does not fit all, which is why a coach can help you attain your personal goals knowing your strengths, weaknesses, your specific stressors and all of your little idiosyncrises to get you to the place you’ve always dreamed of.

People give up quickly.
People dream about having a body that is fit, lean and toned. We all dream about it. Those people with thin and toned bodies create a lifestyle that supports living a naturally thin and active life. Too many people try a program, and then stop after a week or two when they don’t see results. If I set my sights to become a millionaire but after two weeks, I found that I wan’t a millionaire yet would I give up? Of course not. I’d keep focusing on my goal and take actions to support my becoming a millionaire. Changing your body is the same thing. It takes a commitment each and every day to love your body, to nurture your body and in my case to take actions that support me being a naturally thin person.
Wouldn’t it be great if six months from now you were 5, 10, or 60 pounds lighter? Isn’t that an exciting thought? Six months are going to come down the pike whether we like it or not, and wouldn’t it be great to look back and feel proud of the daily work you did to create an unbelievable body and life?

People make up excuses.
There are hundreds of thousands of excuses people make to not lose weight or take action. Some of what I hear includes: I don’t have time, I’m too busy, I forgot, I don’t have enough time… Okay, enough the excuses. I understand that we are all busy and it is difficult to fit everything in and I’m very sensitive to that and I have no judgment. However, if you really want transform your body and your life you will think about your excuses in a whole new way. Are you using these excuses to keep you from really having the body you want? Are you scared to look and feel better than you could imagine? Is it scary how good you are looking? Self sabotage is part of the human experience, but the sooner we address what’s really going on, the further your excuses will be from your consciousness and the easier it will be for you to continue creating an incredibly beautiful body.

People stop believing they can attain a thin body.
I have said for years, that in order to change your weight you must first change your mind. It seems that some people think that only those lucky few can have a thin body. In my research of hundreds of naturally thin individuals, this is simply not true. Naturally thin people come in all forms, in all races, and in all body types. Some naturally thin people have parents who are obese, some have siblings that struggle with weight, have parents who have dieted their entire lives, while these naturally thin people have never dieted a day in their lives.

The world is at your fingertips, it really is. You can have or be anything that you set your mind to. Just believe you can; believe it day in and day out that you can have the body and the life that you’ve always wanted. See yourself having it now. What would you do, act, and say about yourself if you had the body you’ve been craving? What about starting to say the kind and loving words now? What about believing you can have the energy to play with your loved ones and keep going without getting too tired. What about ending the excuses. You can have this body and this life now!

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Marna Goldstein is a natural weight loss expert who has kept her weight off for more then 12 years. She is an author, speaker and coach helping thousands of people lose weight without dieting. Visit her website at www.thinwithin.com

Note from Louise on Marna's Upcoming Teleclass:

If you liked the ideas Marna has presented here, then you'll love her latest offering. She is currently accepting registration for her newest 4-week telecourse entitled "Get Thinnergized". The "only" reason you don't have the body you desire, is because you are not acting AS-IF you have it! In this 4-week seminar, Marna uses the principles of the Law of Attraction to helps us start acting the way we need to act to acheive significant weight loss. To find out more about the course, and to sign up, please visit Get Thinnergized! P.S. I've already signed up and hope you will too. I think the $97 investment is a good one to make in ourselves and I guarantee you will love Marna's energy and enthusiasm!

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements.
ACTION STEP: Set the baseline for where you are with the 8 elements.

The second step in working towards wholeness is to focus on the eight elements I believe are key in achieving your best life. When we have all we want and need of these eight items, there is nothing to prevent us from creating our best self. To begin the work with these elements, however, it is necessary to figure out where we are with all eight of them.

Here's an exercise to help you establish your baseline with the elements, so that you may better focus your work on creating all you want and need.

Take a clean piece of paper.
1. Draw two lines down the middle, creating three equal-sized columns
2. On the top of Column 1, write "ELEMENT". On the top of Column 2, write "NEED". On the top of Column 3, write "WANT".
3. Under "ELEMENT", write the following elements, 1 element per line(row): Time, Space, Love, Money, Vitality, Purposeful Action, Strong Sense of Self, Positive Self Regard. [Note: See a brief definition of each element at the end of the exercise].

Fill out Columns 2 and Column 3. (You can either do column 2, then column 3 or work each element as you come to it.)
1. For column 2, "NEED", answer the following question and write your answer in the box next to the element. The question is "What percentage do you HAVE of what you NEED of this element?
2. For column 3, "WANT", answer the following question and write your answer in the box next to the element. The question is "What percentage do you HAVE of what you WANT of this element?
3. NOTE: Before starting this, you may want to get clear about the distinction between need and want. Need is what is necessary for you to satisfy your obligations and be your best self; Want is what is necessary to you to enjoy a specified quality of life (live your best life).
Reflect on the exercise. Notice any patterns. What surprised you about your answers? Take a new piece of paper and write down your thoughts, feelings and any awarenesses you might have had. Once you've done that decide what element you want to work on first and jot down some action steps to begin doing that.

Definition of the Eight Elements

This step focuses on the 8 life elements that can interfere with creating the life we want. I believe that with enough of the following elements to satisfy our needs and wants, nothing would stop us from reaching our fullest potential, so creating reserves of the following elements is critical to the process.

Time
When we have all the time we need and want, we are calm and focused. In addition to having the time to accomplish what we want, this element also includes time for ourselves.
Space
Space includes not only the state of our home or other environments, but also the invisible zone that surrounds our body. This zone typically expands or contracts depending on where we are and how comfortable we feel.
Love
Having all the love we need or want involves feeling wanted, loved and included. We can be loved by one person or a community. This includes romantic love, spiritual love and all other forms of affection and companionship.
Money
Money includes money (incoming and invested) and the things that money represents and supplies. This includes security, stability, houses, cars and all the other stuff we buy with it. In addition, it includes our relationship with money. While true for all the elements, the idea of deserving (or not deserving) comes up most frequently around love and money.
Vitality
Vitality encompasses health, energy and a zest for life. It is not just lack of illness or lack of stress. There is also dynamic appreciation and enjoyment of life that pervades everything we do.
Purposeful Action
Purposeful action is just that: somewhere in our lives there is enough focused activity that gives us a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, a sense of a job well done. It can be expressed in our careers, our families, or our communities; it can be creative, practical, or political; it can be paid or volunteered. The possibilities are endless, but it must be present in some form.
Strong Sense of Self
It is important to take the time to identify your core values, unmet needs, standards, boundaries, life purpose, mission and beliefs, both supportive and non-supportive. As you get clearer about 'who' you are, you awaken to your possibilities. Living 'in' integrity for me means my actions match my words which match my beliefs. I feel that living in integrity is like getting rid of the bumps and holes in the surface of the road. There is still a path to travel, but the ride is smooth and enjoyable.
Positive Self Regard
This is a combination of self-esteem, self-love, and self-care. Without a positive, balanced and healthy self-regard, it appears to be impossible to maximize the opportunities available when reserves of the other 7 elements are present.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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