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The 3-Minute Coach

June 12, 2007, Issue #65
The Basics of Balance

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Another change of seasons brings another issue of the newsletter. Hope you enjoy this one! As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email (Ezezine's archive.) or on my site, under Archives.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

Food for Thought

"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness." --- James Thurber

Keep It Simple

Change or Solution?

When is a change a solution? And when is it just a change? That's an easy one! It's when the problem goes away.

Very often we make a change and think we're done. However, if the change was to solve a problem and the problem is still there, then all we've really done is to create a new problem. Or rather, we've just changed the look of the old problem.

Sometimes the change costs money so we are reluctant to acknowledge it didn't work. Depending on the amount of money, we might decide we can live with the problem. That's fine, as long as it is a conscious choice and we truly stop thinking about the problem as a problem. That is the key: unless we stop spending energy fretting about the problem, we can't stop at the first attempt to solve it.

Look around you. Where have your problem-solving changes made a positive difference and where have they just extended the problem? Remember, any energy not spent in creating your best life is energy wasted.

Feature Article

The Basics of Balance

Many people interested in personal coaching are interested in creating balance in their lives. Balance can take many forms, such as between career and home, between people in a relationship, and between work and play, just to name a few. No matter what kind of balance you are seeking, here are some of the basic things to consider about balance.

Balance is not created "in the moment".

There is a common misconception that if you have a balanced life, each moment is balanced. Nothing could be further from the truth. In order to feel balanced, it is important to view our lives from a bigger perspective: a day, a week, sometimes even a month. In any given moment, we tend to focus on a particular item (whether work, play, home, love, children, etc.), so we need to look at the overall fabric of our life to get a true picture of how balanced our life is. It's all about percentages over the time frame we've chosen. Pay attention to those numbers!

Balance between people operates like a tennis match.

The balance we create with other people follows the same principle as the balance between different areas of our lives and usually revolves around control, either of a situation or the relationship. For me, the healthiest relationships are those in which the balance of power goes back and forth between the two individuals in that relationship. Again, in any given moment, only one person is typically in control. It is the percentage of time as well as the frequency of passing the torch that are the markers of success here.

While it's nice to be in control, there is a lot to be said for the opportunity for not having to be in control. When we are allowed to move freely between the two, we are personally in balance and at peace. Our relationships and our lives just work better.

I should also add that there are some relationships which work very well with one party being the dominant person and the other the subordinate person all or almost all of the time. As long as each person is happy in their role and feels no resentment or sense of being used, then a perfect balance has been achieved!

Lack of personal balance creates the stress in our lives.

If you look around at people who feel stressed or overwhelmed, it is usually because they have lost balance somewhere in their lives and they feel incapable of getting that balance back. One of the best ways to regain balance is to follow your breath for 3 long, slow, deep breaths, holding each part of the breath for as long as you can. Engage your mind around the process of breathing and then notice how much calmer you are. At that point, ask yourself "what's the most important thing for me to do right now?" Then DO IT! Action is one of the best cures for stress there is! And taking action on the priority items reduces multiple layers of stress at once.

Balance of mind, body and spirit is the same as being "in" integrity.

When we are in balance, in harmony with our mind, body and spirit, that is the same thing as feeling "in" integrity. For me, integrity is when our actions match our words which match our beliefs. Being "out" of integrity is another reason we feel out of balance. I often feel that imbalance in my stomach, while fear tends to reside in my throat.

A great exercise is to start paying attention to what part of your body is affected when you feel "off". Once you have figured out where the different emotions reside in your body, you will have an excellent clue for where to begin the search for what's wrong. You'll have a good sense of whether it's fear, lack of integrity, guilt or another emotion, and you can then more quickly identify the specific. Remember, when you return to living your truth, you will return to balance.

Balance is directly linked to the choices we make.

One essential fact about balance is that you can never create balance if you have to fit 36 hours worth of anything into a 24 hour day. To truly live in balance, we must identify what is really important to us and practice saying no to the rest. It can be done gently but it must be done firmly. Don't let other people's lack of balance allow you to go off balance.

I must admit that in the work environment I was someone who always accepted the job (whatever it was) because I thought I had to. I still vividly remember the first time I heard a co-worker negotiate with our boss about a new assignment. In a very neutral voice, she listed the top 4 things she was already working on and asked which project the boss wanted her to give up to take on the new one. That was it, clean and simple. By the way, she didn't get the new assignment but guess who did!

Related Quotes

"Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use." -- Peter Latham

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." -- Thomas Merton

"Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to keep his balance." -- Pope John Paul II

"Action is at bottom a swinging and flailing of the arms to regain one's balance and keep afloat." -- Eric Hoffer

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -- Albert Einstein

"Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance." -- Brian Tracey

"Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It is a gestalt or oneness, and integrated wholeness." -- Stephen Covey

"Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices." -- Betsey Jacobson

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Accept responsibility for your life.
ACTION STEP: Practice accepting responsibility!

This issue's action step is practicing the first step towards wholeness, which is accepting responsibily for everything that's happened in your life, both good and bad.. Simply put, you can not claim the power to change your life if you do not accept the responsibility for creating the life you are in. Your actions AND/OR beliefs ultimately (and often unconsciously) have a direct bearing on your life today. Don't be someone things happen to or for (victim or child). If you've never thought of life this way before, it can seem like quite a stretch. Yet we all know people who make things happen despite incredible odds. They're no different than you or I, except very often in the way they approach life. You've probably heard the phrase 'mind over matter'. This concept is just an extension of that phrase.

I'd also like to add that there are some very negative events that most of us would never consciously choose. I believe in accepting responsibility even for those. This is linked to my belief that we are all here for a purpose and the lessons of the first half of our life (and the repeated lessons later on in life) are our unconscious preparation to live our life purpose to the maximum effectiveness. Over and over again, I have seen evidence that once a person gets clarity about their life purpose, we begin to understand the deeper meaning and lesson of those events.

Here's an exercise to help you become more comfortable with accepting responsibility for everything in your life.

Take 2 clean pieces of paper.
1. On the very top of the first page, write the word "POSITIVE". On the very top of the second page, write the word "NEGATIVE".
2. Draw a line down the middle of both pages, creating two columns
3. On the top of Column 1, write "EVENT". On the top of Column 2, write "HOW THIS HELPED MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY". Do this on both pages.

Start with the sheet marked "POSITIVE".
1. Begin by reflecting on the many positive things that have happened over your life.
2. For each event you think of, write a complete sentence in Column 1 ("EVENT") similar to this: I accept responsibility for x, I am responsible for x, I was responsible for x. Some examples might be: "I accept responsibility for working hard to create a happy family and family life" "I accept responsibility for all the career choices I have made." "I was responsible for the successful coaching of my son's little league team."
3. NOTE: Accepting responsibility for the events in your life is not the same as claiming the complete and total credit for these events. We have many co-creators in our life, including God and the Universe. Allow yourself to share and accept your role in the creation of all good things in your life (and for the negative as well, in the next section).
4. Use as many sheets for positive as you need. The more the merrier.
5. For each statement of responsibility you made in Column 1, answer the question at the top of Column 2, starting directly across from the 1st line of the statement. For each person the "how this helped make me who I am today" will be different. Another way I often ask this question is "What part of you that you would not give up came out of this experience?"
Repeat the steps in the last section with the sheet marked "NEGATIVE".
1. Do the exact same thing for the negative events in your life. It is often harder to accept responsibility for these events, but when you can see the relationship between your actions and what happens to you, you have made a monumental leap towards wholeness. In fact, getting to the point where you can express gratitude for these events helps us finally complete our past, which is Step #3 towards wholeness.
Reflect on the exercise. Take a new piece of paper and write down your thoughts, feelings and any awarenesses you might have had.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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