Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

June 12, 2007, Issue #65
The Basics of Balance

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Another change of seasons brings another issue of the newsletter. Hope you enjoy this one! As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email (Ezezine's archive.) or on my site, under Archives.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

Food for Thought

"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness." --- James Thurber

Keep It Simple

Change or Solution?

When is a change a solution? And when is it just a change? That's an easy one! It's when the problem goes away.

Very often we make a change and think we're done. However, if the change was to solve a problem and the problem is still there, then all we've really done is to create a new problem. Or rather, we've just changed the look of the old problem.

Sometimes the change costs money so we are reluctant to acknowledge it didn't work. Depending on the amount of money, we might decide we can live with the problem. That's fine, as long as it is a conscious choice and we truly stop thinking about the problem as a problem. That is the key: unless we stop spending energy fretting about the problem, we can't stop at the first attempt to solve it.

Look around you. Where have your problem-solving changes made a positive difference and where have they just extended the problem? Remember, any energy not spent in creating your best life is energy wasted.

Feature Article

The Basics of Balance

Many people interested in personal coaching are interested in creating balance in their lives. Balance can take many forms, such as between career and home, between people in a relationship, and between work and play, just to name a few. No matter what kind of balance you are seeking, here are some of the basic things to consider about balance.

Balance is not created "in the moment".

There is a common misconception that if you have a balanced life, each moment is balanced. Nothing could be further from the truth. In order to feel balanced, it is important to view our lives from a bigger perspective: a day, a week, sometimes even a month. In any given moment, we tend to focus on a particular item (whether work, play, home, love, children, etc.), so we need to look at the overall fabric of our life to get a true picture of how balanced our life is. It's all about percentages over the time frame we've chosen. Pay attention to those numbers!

Balance between people operates like a tennis match.

The balance we create with other people follows the same principle as the balance between different areas of our lives and usually revolves around control, either of a situation or the relationship. For me, the healthiest relationships are those in which the balance of power goes back and forth between the two individuals in that relationship. Again, in any given moment, only one person is typically in control. It is the percentage of time as well as the frequency of passing the torch that are the markers of success here.

While it's nice to be in control, there is a lot to be said for the opportunity for not having to be in control. When we are allowed to move freely between the two, we are personally in balance and at peace. Our relationships and our lives just work better.

I should also add that there are some relationships which work very well with one party being the dominant person and the other the subordinate person all or almost all of the time. As long as each person is happy in their role and feels no resentment or sense of being used, then a perfect balance has been achieved!

Lack of personal balance creates the stress in our lives.

If you look around at people who feel stressed or overwhelmed, it is usually because they have lost balance somewhere in their lives and they feel incapable of getting that balance back. One of the best ways to regain balance is to follow your breath for 3 long, slow, deep breaths, holding each part of the breath for as long as you can. Engage your mind around the process of breathing and then notice how much calmer you are. At that point, ask yourself "what's the most important thing for me to do right now?" Then DO IT! Action is one of the best cures for stress there is! And taking action on the priority items reduces multiple layers of stress at once.

Balance of mind, body and spirit is the same as being "in" integrity.

When we are in balance, in harmony with our mind, body and spirit, that is the same thing as feeling "in" integrity. For me, integrity is when our actions match our words which match our beliefs. Being "out" of integrity is another reason we feel out of balance. I often feel that imbalance in my stomach, while fear tends to reside in my throat.

A great exercise is to start paying attention to what part of your body is affected when you feel "off". Once you have figured out where the different emotions reside in your body, you will have an excellent clue for where to begin the search for what's wrong. You'll have a good sense of whether it's fear, lack of integrity, guilt or another emotion, and you can then more quickly identify the specific. Remember, when you return to living your truth, you will return to balance.

Balance is directly linked to the choices we make.

One essential fact about balance is that you can never create balance if you have to fit 36 hours worth of anything into a 24 hour day. To truly live in balance, we must identify what is really important to us and practice saying no to the rest. It can be done gently but it must be done firmly. Don't let other people's lack of balance allow you to go off balance.

I must admit that in the work environment I was someone who always accepted the job (whatever it was) because I thought I had to. I still vividly remember the first time I heard a co-worker negotiate with our boss about a new assignment. In a very neutral voice, she listed the top 4 things she was already working on and asked which project the boss wanted her to give up to take on the new one. That was it, clean and simple. By the way, she didn't get the new assignment but guess who did!

Related Quotes

"Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use." -- Peter Latham

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." -- Thomas Merton

"Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to keep his balance." -- Pope John Paul II

"Action is at bottom a swinging and flailing of the arms to regain one's balance and keep afloat." -- Eric Hoffer

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -- Albert Einstein

"Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance." -- Brian Tracey

"Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It is a gestalt or oneness, and integrated wholeness." -- Stephen Covey

"Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices." -- Betsey Jacobson

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Accept responsibility for your life.
ACTION STEP: Practice accepting responsibility!

The second step in working towards wholeness is to focus on the eight elements I believe are key in achieving your best life. When we have all we want and need of these eight items, there is nothing to prevent us from creating our best self. To begin the work with these elements, however, it is necessary to figure out where we are with all eight of them.

Here's an exercise to help you establish your baseline with the elements, so that you may better focus your work on creating all you want and need.

Take a clean piece of paper.
1. Draw two lines down the middle, creating three equal-sized columns
2. On the top of Column 1, write "ELEMENT". On the top of Column 2, write "NEED". On the top of Column 3, write "WANT".
3. Under "ELEMENT", write the following elements, 1 element per line(row): Time, Space, Love, Money, Vitality, Purposeful Action, Strong Sense of Self, Positive Self Regard. [Note: See a brief definition of each element at the end of the exercise].

Fill out Columns 2 and Column 3. (You can either do column 2, then column 3 or work each element as you come to it.)
1. For column 2, "NEED", answer the following question and write your answer in the box next to the element. The question is "What percentage do you HAVE of what you NEED of this element?
2. For column 3, "WANT", answer the following question and write your answer in the box next to the element. The question is "What percentage do you HAVE of what you WANT of this element?
3. NOTE: Before starting this, you may want to get clear about the distinction between need and want. Need is what is necessary for you to satisfy your obligations and be your best self; Want is what is necessary to you to enjoy a specified quality of life (live your best life).
Reflect on the exercise. Notice any patterns. What surprised you about your answers? Take a new piece of paper and write down your thoughts, feelings and any awarenesses you might have had. Once you've done that decide what element you want to work on first and jot down some action steps to begin doing that.

Definition of the Eight Elements

This step focuses on the 8 life elements that can interfere with creating the life we want. I believe that with enough of the following elements to satisfy our needs and wants, nothing would stop us from reaching our fullest potential, so creating reserves of the following elements is critical to the process.

Time
When we have all the time we need and want, we are calm and focused. In addition to having the time to accomplish what we want, this element also includes time for ourselves.
Space
Space includes not only the state of our home or other environments, but also the invisible zone that surrounds our body. This zone typically expands or contracts depending on where we are and how comfortable we feel.
Love
Having all the love we need or want involves feeling wanted, loved and included. We can be loved by one person or a community. This includes romantic love, spiritual love and all other forms of affection and companionship.
Money
Money includes money (incoming and invested) and the things that money represents and supplies. This includes security, stability, houses, cars and all the other stuff we buy with it. In addition, it includes our relationship with money. While true for all the elements, the idea of deserving (or not deserving) comes up most frequently around love and money.
Vitality
Vitality encompasses health, energy and a zest for life. It is not just lack of illness or lack of stress. There is also dynamic appreciation and enjoyment of life that pervades everything we do.
Purposeful Action
Purposeful action is just that: somewhere in our lives there is enough focused activity that gives us a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, a sense of a job well done. It can be expressed in our careers, our families, or our communities; it can be creative, practical, or political; it can be paid or volunteered. The possibilities are endless, but it must be present in some form.
Strong Sense of Self
It is important to take the time to identify your core values, unmet needs, standards, boundaries, life purpose, mission and beliefs, both supportive and non-supportive. As you get clearer about 'who' you are, you awaken to your possibilities. Living 'in' integrity for me means my actions match my words which match my beliefs. I feel that living in integrity is like getting rid of the bumps and holes in the surface of the road. There is still a path to travel, but the ride is smooth and enjoyable.
Positive Self Regard
This is a combination of self-esteem, self-love, and self-care. Without a positive, balanced and healthy self-regard, it appears to be impossible to maximize the opportunities available when reserves of the other 7 elements are present.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-484-660-3143
Email:

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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