Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

July 30, 2006, Issue #63
Wholeness Revisited

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Well, it's been a long time coming, but welcome to the latest edition of The 3 Minute Coach. While the format is new, the content is as deep and rich as always. Hope you will enjoy the new version, which is also available online at Ezezine's archive. Check it out if you didn't see the html email version.

Also, check out my new offerings!

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

New Offerings

In addition to my ongoing coaching, which is available in a number of formats, I am pleased to offer two new single-session services:

Blockbusting 101

Have you been trying to achieve something for a long time but it still remains elusive? You know you are capable yet that final prize remains just out of reach. You end up feeling stuck and it seems impossible to get from here to there, even though you can see the road clearly?

If this is familiar, then this is the ideal offering for you! Blockbusting 101 is a one-hour session focused on a single target and what's getting in YOUR way. Very often it is our underlying and unconscious beliefs that prevent us from achieving our goals. I will work with you in a very focused manner to get at the underlying obstacle to your success in that area. Using a range of techniques, including a process I call Soul Statements, we get to the heart of the issue in a very short time. Once we've identified the block, we will look at various action steps to both further resolve the issue and to make progress towards your goal. The cost for a one-hour Blockbusting session is $75.

Spiral Staircase

Have your affirmations lost that first excitement and power? When you work with your affirmations, do you hear a loud voice crying "No! That's not true!" every time you try to say them?

If your affirmations have lost their oomph, this is the right offering for you! In a 60-minute session, we will build a Spiral Staircase that starts with something you absolutely believe in until you reach the landing, where a viable, believable affirmation sits. Using language that embraces both your head and your heart, you will complete the session with a working document that you can use on a daily basis to create the reality of your dreams. The cost for a one-hour Spiral Staircase session is $75.

"Other coaches might be talented, or well-trained in techniques but Louise is GIFTED in what she does. It's a completely different experience that breaks through FAST!" --
Anthony Warren, Executive Coach, London, UK

Call or email today to set up a breakthrough session!

Food for Thought

"The only courage that matters is the one that gets you from one moment to the next." --- Mignon McLaughlin

Keep It Simple

Deservability Treatment

[From "Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook" by Louise Hay]
[Check out the book on : Amazon ]

In my coaching practice, I continually see clients who are unable to manifest what they want because of a deep-rooted belief that they don't deserve to have it. It doesn't matter the reason for the belief, and most often the reason is for some very small action or thought that no one else is even aware of. Additionally, if some one else was in charge of 'punishing' us, there would have been a short, minimal punishment. We are not so easy on ourselves. We punish ourselves for years and years, often for something that didn't deserve any punishment at all.

The following "Deservability Treatment" is from Louise L. Hay's Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook. I believe it is a powerful statement that can be used to help you transform your feelings of being undeserving into feeling worthy of all the best has to offer.

I am deserving. I deserve all good. Not some, not a little bit, but all good. I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts. I release and let go of the limitations of my parents. I love them, and I go beyond them. I am not their negative opinions, nor their limiting beliefs. I am not bound by any of the fears or prejudices of the current society I live in. I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.

In my mind, I have total freedom. I now move into a new space of consciousness, where I am willing to see myself differently. I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and about my life. My new thinking becomes new experiences.

I now know and affirm that I am at one with the Prospering Power of the Universe. As such, I now prosper in a number of ways. The totality of possibilities lies before me. I deserve life, a good life. I deserve love, an abundance of love. I deserve good health. I deserve to live comfortably and to prosper. I deserve joy and happiness. I deserve freedom to be all that I can be. I deserve more than that. I deserve all good.

The Universe is more than willing to manifest my new beliefs. And I accept this abundant life with joy, pleasure, and gratitude. For I am deserving. I accept it; I know it to be true.

Feature Article

Wholeness Revisited

For a long time my work has been centered around the concept of wholeness and it seems appropriate to re-introduce the Steps of Wholeness in the relaunching of my newsletter.

In basic terms, wholeness is the ability everyone has to utilize all of our strengths, skills and abilities --without limitation -- in order to live our best life and be our best self. While '-ness' represents the quality or degree of something, the Merriam-Webster dictionary provides two definitions for 'whole' that I particularly like. The first is 'constituting the total sum or undiminished entirety' and the second is 'constituting the entirety of a person's nature or development'. As I use the term, wholeness captures the concept of the undiminished entirety of our nature, our best self.

Working on wholeness involves working on the following 5 steps and 8 life elements (described in Step 2). As I often say, these concepts are 'simple', if not always easy to achieve. The important part is to stay focused on the journey towards wholeness.

The 5 Steps to Wholeness

I find there is a broad framework that needs to be in place in order to create and maintain reserves of anything. I call this framework the 5 Steps to Wholeness and the following items will give you a sense of the richness of each step. I am always reminded of the following marketing phrase when I think of the this framework: Minutes to Learn, a Lifetime to Master.

Accept responsibility for your life.

Simply put, you can not claim the power to change your life if you do not accept the responsibility for creating the life you are in. Your actions AND/OR beliefs ultimately (and often unconsciously) have a direct bearing on your life today. Don't be someone things happen to or for (victim or child). If you've never thought of life this way before, it can seem like quite a stretch. Yet we all know people who make things happen despite incredible odds. They're no different than you or I, except very often in the way they approach life. You've probably heard the phrase 'mind over matter'. This concept is just an extension of that phrase.

I'd also like to add that there are some very negative events that most of us would never consciously choose. I believe in accepting responsibility even for those. This is linked to my belief that we are all here for a purpose and the lessons of the first half of our life (and the repeated lessons later on in life) are our unconscious preparation to live our life purpose to the maximum effectiveness. Over and over again, I have seen evidence that once a person gets clarity about their life purpose, we begin to understand the deeper meaning and lesson of those events.
Focus on the Eight Elements

This step focuses on the 8 life elements that can interfere with creating the life we want. I believe that with enough of the following elements to satisfy our needs and wants, nothing would stop us from reaching our fullest potential, so creating reserves of the following elements is critical to the process.
1. Time
  When we have all the time we need and want, we are calm and focused. In addition to having the time to accomplish what we want, this element also includes time for ourselves.
2. Space
  Space includes not only the state of our home or other environments, but also the invisible zone that surrounds our body. This zone typically expands or contracts depending on where we are and how comfortable we feel.
3. Love
  Having all the love we need or want involves feeling wanted, loved and included. We can be loved by one person or a community. This includes romantic love, spiritual love and all other forms of affection and companionship.
4. Money
  Money includes money (incoming and invested) and the things that money represents and supplies. This includes security, stability, houses, cars and all the other stuff we buy with it. In addition, it includes our relationship with money. While true for all the elements, the idea of deserving (or not deserving) comes up most frequently around love and money.
5. Vitality
  Vitality encompasses health, energy and a zest for life. It is not just lack of illness or lack of stress. There is also dynamic appreciation and enjoyment of life that pervades everything we do.
6. Purposeful Action
  Purposeful action is just that: somewhere in our lives there is enough focused activity that gives us a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, a sense of a job well done. It can be expressed in our careers, our families, or our communities; it can be creative, practical, or political; it can be paid or volunteered. The possibilities are endless, but it must be present in some form.
7. Strong Sense of Self
  It is important to take the time to identify your core values, unmet needs, standards, boundaries, life purpose, mission and beliefs, both supportive and non-supportive. As you get clearer about 'who' you are, you awaken to your possibilities. Living 'in' integrity for me means my actions match my words which match my beliefs. I feel that living in integrity is like getting rid of the bumps and holes in the surface of the road. There is still a path to travel, but the ride is smooth and enjoyable.
8. Positive Self Regard
  This is a combination of self-esteem, self-love, and self-care. Without a positive, balanced and healthy self-regard, it appears to be impossible to maximize the opportunities available when reserves of the other 7 elements are present.

Complete the Past.

Release the people, places and things that don't affirm who you are today. Finish whatever needs to be finished and make a conscious choice to not finish the rest. Heal what needs to be healed and move forward into today. If you are still talking about something that happened ten years ago, it DID affect you. Write a letter, make a phone call, confront the fear and the pain. Understand that the majority of people who negatively impacted your life by a thoughtless act or words were only doing the best they could at the time. For those few who maliciously and consciously hurt you, recognize their actions were a result of their experiences and beliefs about them and not about you. Don't allow them to continue to hurt you today.

Plan for the Future

Develop goals, game plans, and ideal qualities of everything you want to create in your life. Use visualization and other techniques to cement the picture firmly in your mind. We recently bought a poster that says "Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction". Having a detailed plan gives that sense of purpose and direction. When you know where you want to go, it's easy to make better decisions in the moment. Having a plan also helps us create a better plan. It's important to remember that plans are living, breathing elements. They are NOT written in stone. By using all the information you get on a daily basis, you are able to tweak and refine your plans as you go.

Live in the present.

THIS is where it all happens. In each moment, you are presented with choices. Making clear, conscious choices based on all the information you have today is key to living the life you want. You create your life, each moment of each day. You make choices that take you closer or further away from your goals. It's also important to recognize that making clear conscious decisions to not do something is 100% healthier than drifting towards or away from something. (You'll read more about this in this issue's Attraction Principle, "See how perfect the present really is".)

Related Quotes

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is." - Erich Fromm

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement." - Foster C. McClellan

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley

"Man is asked to make of himself what he is supposed to become to fulfill his destiny." - Paul Tillich

"Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life - is the source from which self respect springs." -- Joan Didion

"To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life." -- Abbie M. Dale

"Responsibility by definition means answerable or accountable for. And what is a person responsible for? Everything he thinks, says or does. Why? Because no matter what or whom one can blame for the circumstances of his life, he is still stuck with the consequences of everything he thinks, says or does. People can be terribly unreliable but never irresponsible. Thus there is no way a person can be irresponsible because everyone is answerable or accountable for everything he thinks, say or does, does not do or neglects to do. Until people fully realize that they are totally responsible for their lives, we as a society collectively will be operating under a false and distorted assumption of what responsibility means." -- Sidney Madwed

"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Acceptance is such an important commodity, some have called it "the first law of personal growth." -- Peter McWilliams

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Retaining Top Performers
by Anthony Warren

Talent shortage is a real business issue, whatever the size and type of your business. Even though all pointers seem to indicate that the shortage of top talent is expected to get worse, many organisations still persist with 1990s attitudes and actions – and so adversely impact their own bottom line. With the speed of change accelerating, organisations need the best talent to survive - let alone prosper.

Top ten actions to retain talent – how does your organisation rate on the checklist below?

1. Agree the blueprint!
Have a talent retention plan that is endorsed and owned by the key management in each location and function. Top management has to buy in seriously and so do the managers at the coal face so that the line is “held”.

2. Put your resources where your mouth is
Reward managers for retaining and developing staff using the plan, and not just quarterly performance. We have experience of a COO who talked for ten minutes on the necessity of getting the quarter figures, before sitting down, getting up again and saying, “Oh and don’t forget the long-term!”. Managers respond to stimuli like anyone else. Make sure they have good reasons to develop staff into other jobs in the company.

3. Go broad
Set up a RANGE of communication systems and vehicles to ensure employees are involved and know the matter. Too often the “fix-it” mentality only puts in a group meeting or infrequent one–to-ones depending on the comfort level of the managers. Relationships are strongest when there is a range of formal and informal channels actively nurtured and used. Our view is that this investment of time is returned manifold by reducing time spent on work that is misdirected or irrelevant, and on behaviour that is unhelpful.

4. Be consistent
Employees have long memories. They remember when they took a beating when there was the downturn. If you stopped talking with them then, it’s too late to start talking when you need them. They will leave when the market improves if you do little.

5. For goodness sake delegate!
Our perception is that people are more frightened of delegating than ever before. They fear being pushed aside, they fear a subordinate might make a mistake that they end up paying for, they resent the time it takes to explain what to do and follow-up. This is high cost for the firm as everyone ends up working at a level one or two down from where they should. Essential longer term functions get neglected and employees get demotivated when not stretched. Introduce a culture where delegation is the norm not the exception.

6. Treat employees as a loyal customer should be
Successful organisations treat employees as well as their customers. After all, they have a choice – or soon will from the competition if you are complacent. Make sure that the organisation lines up employee values with the company’s mission. Ensure employees get a chance to connect with end results that they can be proud of. Know your employees’ monetary and non-monetary aspirations and figure out reasonable compromises. Design work around what they want – variety or stability, independence or routine – unless it compromises the company mission.

7. Make sure you communicate a credible future
People follow leaders who offer a credible future they want. Past history is often just that – past. Commenting on a surprise election result, a PR friend said, “Well if you have to choose between a corpse and a sleazebag, at least the sleazebag offers a future.” Make sure everyone knows the vision and strategy for the future AND their part in it. Don’t assume they know.

8. Create success on new moves
Ensure that newly hired and newly promoted staff have everything they need to be successful and productive. Professional executive coaches - whether internal or external - can provide the short term intervention that is needed to complement the line manager’s efforts. Assisting the new appointee with their Personal Brand is a great way of communicating what they are about effectively and building their confidence.

9. Think of the chess move after next
Know what rival employers are likely to offer and pre-empt it, or have the response ready. Just like a chess game, think of their move not just your own. Ensure that employees understand the whole package they will be giving up, not just focus on money. The whole package can include future work opportunities, more or less responsibility, and so on. Sometimes employees don’t realise the issue they are leaving over is endemic to the industry. Have that conversation before it is needed.

10. Exit interviews – the truth is in there!
Set up exit interviews independent of the line manager but don’t overdo their importance. Like the X-files “the truth is in there” but can be buried under politeness, fear of burning bridges, desire for revenge or grandstanding. Create a culture where these conversations are at an adult level – there is no point beating a committed line manager with criticism from a vindictive ex-employee that the organisation is well rid off!

-----------------------------

Anthony Warren is an international businessman, coach and the author of Personal Branding for Extraordinary Results, available on www.amazon.co.uk and www.byzantion.com. He is CEO of Redshots, which provides programmes and resources for CEOs, board members and professional practice partners to achieve their personal and professional goals and deliver superior financial performance. For more, and many book reviews, see Anthony's website Redshots

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements
ACTION STEP: Using Affirmations with the Elements

This issue's action step is working with the 8 elements(Time, Space, Love, Money, Vitality, Purposeful Action, Strong Sense of Self, and Positive Self Regard.) I recommend that you start your work with the elements by using the following affirmations. Using each of the elements, go through all of the statements below. For example, start with Time: "I have all the time I need." "I have all the time I want." Continue through the list.

Pay attention to where you have an emotional response. For example, you may be able to say "I have all the time I need" just fine, but choke or feel sudden sadness when you say "I have all the time I want". You may breeze through Time, Space and Money, but have difficulty when you focus on Love.

Your emotional responses will indicate where your beliefs are getting in the way of creating the life you want. One way to approach a non-supportive belief is to add something to the beginning of the affirmation that addresses the voice that says "No!". For example "Despite my previous experience, I am now ready to have all the money I need or want." "Regardless of what my family said, it's okay to want all the time I need and want." This allows your head and heart to work together to come up with a new belief, one that supports you in becoming the best you possible.

I have(take) all the __________ [I need] [I want].
I believe it's possible to have/take all the ___________ [I need] [I want].
It's okay to want all the (as much) _______ [I need] [I want].
I believe the Universe is willing to provide all the _______ [I need] [I want].
I am willing to accept all the _______ the Universe has for me.
I deserve to have/take all the ________ I need and want right now. [as much ___ as]
All the __________ I want is waiting in the warehouse with my name on it.
All the __________ I want wants me! (What I want wants me!).

Three-Minute Tools

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Here's what's available to you:

ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of ATTRACTION PRINCIPLES
Thomas Leonard's 28 Principles of Attraction
ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of 21 LEADER'S QUALITIES
21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader by John Maxwell
100-POINT CLASS ACT ASSESSMENT
Track your progress towards becoming a Class Act.
100-POINT SUPERRESERVE ASSESSMENT
Identify areas where you already have reserves and find new ones.
EXERCISE: RELEASE THE PAST
PDF file with directions for letting go.
EXERCISE: WHEEL OF LIFE
PDF Exercise for gaining clarity on goals
EXERCISE: QUILTING BE
PDF Exercise to step outside the box and get a fresh perspective on a situation.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868 or 1-866-COACH-99 (toll-free inside USA)
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com

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Copyright (c) 2006, all rights reserved. The 3-Minute Coach is a publication of TouchPoint Coaching. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter provided that The 3-Minute Coach is kept intact, and this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author are attached. If you are interested in using the Feature or Keep it Simple article on your website or in your newsletter, please contact me at the email noted above for the resource box to use.

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