Good.
Better.
Best.
Which self do you want to be?
The 3-Minute Coach
April 18, 2004, Issue #60
Manifesting 101
Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach
Welcome to the many new subscribers since the last issue. I
appreciate all of you sending my newsletters on to your
friends, those of you who who read my articles online, and
those of you who come across my website and want more!
Thanks!
I was recently quoted in an on-line article entitled
"Stay-at-home moms: Redefining your role when the kids are
in school" by Jan Wilson. I think you'll enjoy the article
whether you have small children or not. You can see a copy
of it here: http://sheknows.com/about/look/3317.htm
As noted in this issue's Keep it Simple, we're in a season
associated with change. Now's a perfect time to get a
jump-start on creating the life of your dreams by working
with a coach. I specialize in working with people who are
stuck, so whether it's at home or work, if you are feeling
stuck, set up a complimentary session today. You can send me
email at compsession04@touchpointcoaching.com or visit
the Test Drive section of the website
In joy, peace and gratitude,
Louise
Food for Thought
"Plans are nothing; planning is everything."
---
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Keep It Simple
Change Of Seasons: The Perfect Time For Change!
No matter where you live, the chances are you are either
(finally!) moving into the spring or fall season. Unlike
winter or summer, where either because of the heat or cold,
we tend to move less, both spring and fall fill us with
hopefulness and energy.
A great way to really jump into the season is to help
change, well, change! There are two simple techniques I
suggest that will increase your energy on a daily basis.
Although you might start small, there is a gradual build-up
that propels the momentum until you are enjoying constant
and sustainable movement.
-
Move 'em around and shake 'em up.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, roughly, 'If you want
change in your life, move 27 things.' These can be any 27
things, big or small. I'm finding that the number doesn't
appear to be the significant factor. Keeping things moving
does seem to help. To start, think small. Very often, when
we 'decorate' a room, we place something in a particular
spot and keep it there for years. Try moving an ornament to
the other side of the room. Bring that vase from the dining
room into the bedroom. In my guest bathroom, I flip-flopped
two items, one that was on the sink and one on the commode.
A number of my clients are also working on this as well and
we're all feeling a shift in energy.
- 'Do' a drawer, shelf or container a day.
Once a day, every day, go through a drawer, shelf or
container. Clean it off, discard what needs to be discarded,
replace only the loved and/or functional. Start thinking of
this the way you think of brushing your teeth or shaving.
You have to do it on a regular, consistent basis to see the
results you want. I started doing this 'in order', but find
that every day, some drawer or shelf will catch my eye and
that's the one for me to do that day. Also, don't forget to
look inside the things in the drawer. For example, the
folder may need to go back in the drawer, but half the paper
in the folder can be tossed.
I want to emphasize again the value of thinking small. It
doesn't need to be big change for you to feel the results.
So start by moving your toothbrush to the other side of the
sink and feel the energy flow through you!
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Feature Article
Manifesting 101
Have you ever noticed how some people create everything they
want and others don’t? Or maybe you've found that there are
some things you manifest with ease and others you struggle
with for years. What is going on behind-the-scenes with
these different scenarios? As I work with clients (and
through my own evolution) I've identified the following
essential elements for successful manifestation. These ten
strategies will help you create the life you've been
dreaming about.
-
You know exactly what you want. [The desired outcome must
be crystal clear.]
Although always open to 'something better', items or events
that are successfully manifested have been thoroughly
described in specific detail. A good way to start is with a
brain-dump of the qualities of the 'ideal' outcome. Just
list them, making sure to keep them in the positive (for
example, 'a kind and sensitive person' instead of 'not
someone who abuses people physically or emotionally').
-
You know your non-negotiables. [The essential vs.
non-essential qualities of the ideal have been defined.]
Once the list of 'ideal' qualities has been created, the
non-negotiable items have been highlighted. For example, you
may be defining your ideal home and both rural and safe are
on your list. When you go back through, you may decided that
living in a rural area would be nice, but a suburb or the
right urban setting would work too. Having the neighborhood
be safe, however, is non-negotiable. Your non-negotiable
list should only be 25% or less of your full list.
-
You feel GOOD when you think of yourself having these
items. [A positive feeling state has been tied to the
outcome.]
Once the qualities have been defined, it is necessary for
you to link the desired outcome with strong positive
feelings and highly charged emotions. One way I suggest to
do this is to write a 'Vision Letter' to someone dated 6 to
12 months in the future. In the letter, you are describing
your life as it exists with the desired outcome. Using the
ideal home as a sample, you describe your new home in great
detail, what each room looks like and what it feels like to
wake up in the morning in your new bedroom, to drive down
the street and see your new home, to sit in your new cheery
kitchen, etc. The stronger the emotion and more vivid the
detail, the better (and the sooner you tend to manifest it).
-
There's nothing you want MORE than you want this outcome.
[There is no ambivalence around the desired outcome.]
For a long time, regarding manifesting a relationship, I had
the first 3 strategies down pat, and I still wasn't bringing
a successful, positive and sustainable relationship into my
life. (I was sure creating opportunities for learning life
lessons, however!). One day, in what I consider an absolute
'flight into brilliance', I asked myself the following
question. 'If you believe you create your own reality and
you say you want a loving relationship and you're not
creating it, then what do you want more than a loving
relationship?' The surprise answer (not immediately by the
way) was -- space! Once I acknowledged that I had a fear of
losing my space and was willing and able to work through it,
I met and eventually married the man I had always believed
was out there. Sometimes we need to look at something from
the opposite direction, and be willing to ask hard (but
powerful) questions.
-
There's no un/subconscious guilt stopping you from
deserving to have the desired outcome. [You are not
punishing yourself by not having the desired outcome.]
You'd be surprised how often this one gets in the way of
people manifesting what they want. This guilt factor is
usually generated by something that happened years ago that
you barely remember (and I can almost guarantee that no one
else remembers at all). A wonderful exercise to help you
uncover anything like this: Finish the following sentence
(preferably out loud or at least written out): 'In this
moment, the thing I am most ashamed of is _______.' Take a
deep breath and notice how you feel when you say it. Then
say it again, take a deep breath and notice how you feel
when you repeat it. For most of us, these 'deep dark
secrets' have never been exposed to the light of day and
there is a tremendous release that happens. In my
experience, by the 3rd time we are able to see that it is
not something that should be preventing us from fully
enjoying life. Repeat the phrase until there is no emotion
OR… (which is what often happens) you finish the statement
with a different memory. Repeat until you are free of that
one and of as many as feel relevant.
-
You approach everything with gratitude. [You see the
opportunity in every situation.]
I've noticed that people who find it easier to manifest
spend a lot of time acknowledging what they're grateful for.
Not only that, they actively look for the positive in every
situation and express their gratitude (even if the moment
isn't a fun one!). Make 'thank you' the phrase you love
most. Say it often! Whether to the person, or to God or the
Universe or Whomever. When you focus on what you're grateful
for, it is impossible for you not to smile. And when you're
smiling.. not only does the whole world smile with you, but
you tend to attract more of what you want, faster. The
universe appears to respond better to positive energy!
-
You understand that your job in the process is to
identify 'what', not 'how'. [Once you figure out what you
want and have released all limitations, step back and let
the Universe do its thing!]
While it's important to clarify the details of what you
want, it is critical to let go of the need to control how it
comes to you. For example, you may be trying to manifest
more money coming into your life. Ultimately, does it really
matter if it comes through increased salary, winning the
lottery, selling items on eBay, or through the generosity of
a relative? I'm sure there are also other ways to increase
revenue while staying in integrity that I can't begin to
conceive. Why would any of us want to limit ourselves to the
few we know.
-
You take action that is congruent with what you say you
want. [Show the Universe you're serious!]
Although this may seem to contradict number 7 at first, an
important component of successful manifestation appears to
be taking action that could potentially get you the desired
outcome. For example, if you are looking to create an
intimate relationship, it is important that you put yourself
in situations where you will be in contact with people.
While it is not impossible for you to do steps 1 through 7,
then stay home and watch TV and have your dream mate show up
on your doorsteps to ask directions, it is VERY rare! Taking
action in line with what you want shows the Universe you
mean business and eliminates another stumbling block. It is
important to work on two levels at the same time: the
physical (taking action) and the metaphysical
(visualization, etc).
-
If, for one of the reasons stated above, you are not yet
ready for the 'ideal' outcome, you are open to the Universe
sending you something close so you can work the kinks out.
[There is a direct relationship to what you want to create
and your life lessons.]
Exciting and true – the more you want something, the more
likely it is that there are 'life lessons' to be learned
around this area. For example, if you want a relationship
really, really bad, you may have to work through issues from
earlier periods of your life to finally manifest the right
one. There are probably as many issues as people, so pay
attention to the trends in your life. A good place to start
is to look at what are you afraid of in a relationship?
Being abandoned. , losing freedom, losing control, being
hurt? Identify where it came from, then work through it. A
good tool to use here is the 'Release the Past' exercise you
can find under 'Three Minute Tools' in the email edition of
the newsletter of under 'Resources / Autoresponders' on the
website.
Yes, there may be transitory pain, and it is by going
through that pain to the other side that will allow you to
finally manifest what you want. So, take a deep breath and
go for it. It is very, very worth it. Also, sometimes the
'not-quite-right' person or thing comes along just so we can
figure out that we are no longer caught in old limitations.
Because of this 'not-quite-right' person, we get to find out
that we are willing to stand up for ourselves or where we're
are willing to compromise or identify a new non-negotiable.
The sooner you can be grateful for this person and the
lesson learned, the sooner the '100%-right' person does come
your way. [Don't forget to update your 'ideal' list from
numbers 1 and 2].
-
Know that you can't get it wrong. [Yes, you will change
and grow, but how much will you change and grow before you
want the absolute opposite of what you want now?]
I know I mentioned my issue with space and how that kept me
from having the relationship I wanted. Before I could even
get to that fear, however, I need to work through something
even more subtle. I was in a process of intense growth and
development. One day I realized that I was afraid to
manifest what I said I wanted in a relationship because, if
I continued to grow and develop, then maybe what I wanted
would change. Better to get where I was going before
creating a relationship, right? Well, maybe, except I never
wanted to stop growing and developing. Once again, I asked
another brilliant question (at least brilliant to me because
I had gone so long WITHOUT asking it before!): 'In terms of
a relationship, how much am I going to change before I start
wanting a complete jerk?' No matter how many qualities were
on my 'ideal partner' list, basically I wanted a nice guy.
And no matter how much I changed, why would that basic
criteria change? Once I realized that I could be in a
relationship and still continue to grow, lots of movement
took place. Of course, I still had some life lessons to
figure out, so it was a while before I met my now-husband,
who is everything that was on my list and who, twelve years
later, is still the nicest guy I know!
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Related Quotes
"Every great work, every great accomplishment, has been
brought into manifestation through holding to the vision,
and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent
failure and discouragement." -- Florence Scovill Shinn
"To accomplish great things we must first dream, then
visualize, then plan... believe... act!" -- Alfred A.
Montapert
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what
you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create
what you will." -- George Bernard Shaw
"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately
enough. You must want it with an inner exuberance that
erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created
the world." -- Sheila Graham
"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being
wrong." -- Joseph Chilton Pearce
"Guilt is anger directed at ourselves--at what we did or did
not do." -- Peter McWilliams
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The Welcome Mat Guest Column:
Building Bridges by Connecting-
Enrich Relationships in Life & Business
by Beth A. Tabak
"There is a deep savory richness in getting to know "who" a
person is vs. "what" they do." Beth Tabak
We all grow from connection. The stronger the connection the
more we grow. Yet why do we find ourselves feeling
disconnected? This fast paced world sucks us dry of time
and energy, and it takes just that to connect. Right? Or
does it? Take a look at these 4 simple steps to strengthen
your relationships at work and home. After all, the more
bridges you build the less isolated you feel. The stronger
the connection the greater the opportunities that flow both
ways, and let's not forget the more interesting each day
becomes.
Be Present- Being present for someone is about giving that
person your full attention. This entails looking at them
and being in the moment. Not allowing your mind to wander
to what just happened, what you have to do, what you will
say next, or why in the world they chose that outfit. Just
being in the moment with your child, significant other,
customer, employee, friend, business associate, parent, or
whoever...lets this human being know that you value them
and what they have to share. This is a gift in itself.
Listen- How many people in your life truly hear you? Imagine
the impact of someone who sat down and listened to you
without interjecting their own agenda. Coach U places such
value in listening that coaches in their training program
are required to take an 8 week Listening Class. A couple of
years ago in Listening class our fieldwork was to
listen...without responding. One student in the hour before
class grabbed his young teenage daughter. He sat down with
her and asked what was going on in her life. Then he
listened. He was amazed at how she opened up when he
listened vs. trying to fix. Their relationship had been
deteriorating and within 30 minutes they were on their way
to a new relationship. Was it easy for the father of a
young teenager to just sit an listen? No, but he did it! It
was powerful. Listening without an agenda acknowledges the
person for who they are. This is an act of showing respect.
Listening to others honors the individual and thereby lifts
them up and your relationship. The most successful
businesses are usually those who listen to the needs of
their customers and staff.
Be Curious- When you are in the moment...listening...you can
open up your curiosity. When you become curious about "who"
people are vs. "what" they do you gain access to this human
being's inner wisdom. "What" questions are a great way to
do this. Example...an employer asks an employee in the
accounting department "What do you love to do?" Response,
"create websites". In becoming curious about this hobby the
employer learns more about the employee's creative
strengths that would benefit the company and make the
employee much happier. The trick is to be curious...without
an agenda. At networking meetings most people ask "what do
you do?" and then get into the details of the business. How
would the relationship develop if you followed up with
questions like "what led you to this career?" This is more
likely to bring out "who" this individual is which
generates a stronger bond. "What is it like to be an
Emergency Room Doctor?" "What do you find yourself thinking
about all the time in your business?" What has been your
greatest challenge?" Have fun exploring.
Be Authentic- Know that you are great right now. Be
yourself. I have been talking to many people out of work
lately who have expressed concern over stepping away from
their own integrity to try to get in the door to get a job.
The only thing they accomplished was feeling bad about
themselves. Stay in integrity with "who" you are no matter
what. Take a risk to be candid. It worked for Oprah! Life
becomes much easier when you can be yourself.
Develop reserves of deep connections...more than you need...
and feel assured there will never be a situation that you
can not handle. Build strong bridges in life and business,
and your life will be enriched with unlimited opportunities
for you to grow and an abundance of places for you to go.
For those of you who want to take action, what area will you
focus on this week? Take action today to be present,
listen, be curious, or be authentic ... Starting Now!
-------------------
Copyright 2003-2004, Beth A. Tabak, All rights reserved.
Beth Tabak is a Business & Life Coach, columnist, and owner
of Starting Now. She coaches busy business people to
develop the life and business they keep thinking about. For
FREE resources, assessments, articles, classes, and ezines
to help you upgrade your life and business or to comment on
the article visit www.startingnowcoaching.com
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All That BIZ
Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to
help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868 or 1-866-COACH-99 (toll-free inside USA)
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