Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

March 2, 2004, Issue #58
The 7 Habits Revisited

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Happy March! The year is rolling by quite quickly. I hope you are making the most of it and that you will enjoy this issue of the 3-Minute Coach.

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean." --- David Searls

Keep It Simple

Emotional Release - A 'How-To'

[From "Learn to Relax: A Practical Guide to Easing Tension and Conquering Stress" by Mike George]
[Check out the book on : Amazon ] Presented below are simple, short-term ways to release three of the most common negative emotions.

ANGER: A natural response to anger is to clench our fists. In order to make this relaxing, pick up a small, hard object, such as a stone, and place it in the palm of your hand. Squeeze the object as hard as you can and let go. Rock the object gently in your hand as if making peace with it.

SADNESS: With sadness comes lethargy and unresponsiveness. So, when you feel sad, take yourself for a walk. Focus your attention on the things that you pass. It doesn't matter where you go or how often you have done the same walk. With each step you take, you are working through your feelings of melancholy. Try to respond positively to sights, sounds and smells.

JEALOUSY: When we feel jealous, our responses are similar to those of fear (jealousy often results from fear of loss). Our instinct is to fight, but instead of flying into a rage, gently run the fingers on one hand over the top of the other as if you were stroking a child's hand in comfort. Each stroke smooths away the emotion, and you should be able to respond more calmly.

Feature Article

The 7 Habits Revisited

I read "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey when it first came out in 1989. I remember how much I enjoyed it and how valuable the information was as a guideline for being the person I wanted to be. I had read many other books like this before, but this was the first one I found in the 'Business' section of the bookstore! It was the first time that I felt encouraged to integrate two very strong parts of me: my heart (intuitive, loving, thoughtful) and my head (intelligence, business sense, strength). In addition, because of this book, I was motivated to develop my personal operating principles, which I've shared here previously and on the website. To see a copy of my mission statement, go to that page

Recently, I picked up the book again and decided to share these valuable 7 habits, which are as timely today as they were 15 years ago:

Be Proactive
Like reactive people, proactive people are influenced by external stimuli. Their response, however, is a value-based choice or response. These values are carefully thought about, selected and internalized. Also, being proactive isn't just about showing initiative. It's about accepting responsibility for our own lives.
Begin with the end in mind.
As Covey states it, "the most fundamental application of 'begin with the end in mind' is to begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which everything else is examined." When you do that, you can then make sure that everything you do on any given day contributes to that picture or leads you closer to it.
Put first things first.
It doesn't get any clearer than this. Decide what's important to you and always choice THAT over everything else.
Think win/win.
Win/win is not a technique, but a total philosophy of human interaction. This philosophy is based on the idea that there is enough --and more than enough -- for everybody.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Covey sees communication as the most important skill in life and I would definitely second that. We must learn how to listen effectively and choose to have a dialogue instead of interrupted monologues. That implies we listen to the other person and respond to what they just said, not go on to tell them what we planned to tell them before they started talking.
Synergize.
Synergy is defined as the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. Its essence is to value differences, to respect them, build on the strengths and compensate for weaknesses. It is taking all the other habits, living them daily and creating something that wasn't there before. Synergy takes us to a new level of fulfillment or actualization.
Sharpen the Saw.
This habit deals with personal renewal on four levels: Physical (exercise, nutrition, stress management), Mental (reading, visualizing, planning, writing), Social/Emotional (service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic security), and Spiritual (values clarification & commitment, study and mediation).

[Check out the book on Amazon: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ]

Related Quotes

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." -- Stephen R. Covey

"We go where our vision is." -- Joseph Murphy

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -- Aristotle

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." -- Goethe

"Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up." -- Pearl Buck

"When you give each other everything, it becomes an even trade. Each wins all." -- Lois McMaster Bujold

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

The Top 10 Ways To Cultivate Happiness
by Ruth Hegarty

In 1776, when John Hancock (and 55 others) signed the Declaration of Independence, they were well aware of the fact that "the pursuit of happiness" is vital to the welfare of individuals. The following list constitutes some of the important lessons I have learned in my own pursuit of happiness. My top ten suggestions for cultivating happiness in your life are...

Work on your attitude.
Charles Swindoll was right: life IS ninety-percent how we react to what happens. A positive attitude is vital to our happiness. The great thing about attitudes is that they can be changed. If you see yourself as a pessimist, make a concerted effort to see the positive side of every situation. I am living proof that it is possible to change from a pessimistic outlook to a truly positive attitude. Studies have shown that people with a positive outlook are consistently happier than those who always focus on the negative.
Recognize all that you have for which to be grateful.
When you think things aren't going your way, think about all the people in the world who would see what you have as truly bountiful. Think of your friends and family, your ability to see the beauty of a sunset, your sense of humor, and spend some time thinking about what your life would be like without them. Make a list of 100+ things you are grateful for in your life.
Practice Extreme Self-Care
Find more time in your schedule to spend with yourself and your loved ones, eat healthy, take up a hobby that has always interested you, don't take work home on the weekends, etc. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve. As the old saying goes, when the end of life comes, no one ever wishes they had spent more time at the office or doing chores.
Spend time in nature
Nature has a peaceful healing quality that city dwellers don't often recognize. The blues of the ocean, the greens of fields and forests, the delicious smell of wildflowers, and beautiful music of song birds make us feel happy on a primal level. Spending time in nature has the power to rejuvenate and sustain us. On days you can't get outside, try listening to a CD of nature sounds.
Think outside the box - use your creativity!
The creative part of ourselves is where we find our ability to play and innovate. These are qualities small children have in abundance. Take some time to watch youngsters at play and try to emulate them in your own life. I revived my ability to have fun by playing with my three-year-old nephew. From him I learned to use my creativity to find happiness in odd places - like cement mixers and rusty horse shoes.
Stay physically fit.
This works on several levels. For one thing, exercise releases endorphins in your body that reduce stress and create a sense of well-being. Being in decent shape also opens up the field of activities you can engage in to bring more fun into your life (i.e. you can play volley ball, soft ball, etc). Engaging in these types of activities also helps keep you in shape, which will reduce illness and injury. Now that has to make you happy. It's always a good idea to consult with your doctor for information on diet and exercise before you begin any new program.
Choose happiness - no matter what happens.
A great line from the movie Thelma & Louise is "You get what you settle for." It is possible to settle for happiness. Read biographies of people who have overcome adversity in their lives (Helen Keller for example) to see how it can be done. Let the stories of others inspire you to put your own troubles in perspective and settle for happiness.
Ask for help
It isn't easy to change a life long habit of pessimism, but it is possible. Talk to people whom you see as having a positive attitude and ask them how they do it. Ask your friends and family to support you while you upgrade to a happy life by providing feedback, nudges, and playmates. Hire a coach to help you define and implement changes in your life that will enhance your happiness.
Give something away.
Volunteer your time or money to give back to the community. Find a cause you believe in and support it. Help an elderly neighbor by mowing their lawn or shoveling their walk, or read to children at your local library. Giving of yourself to others is tremendously rewarding.
Connect with something spiritual.
Be it religion or meditation, having a spiritual connection in our lives provides an outlet for deep contemplation and an opportunity to connect with like-minded people. Find a spiritual practice that feels right for you and set aside time each day to pray or meditate on the deeper meanings of life.

-------------------
Ruth Hegarty, MS, is a Confidence Coach who helps people develop their personal confidence and creativity so they can create a life that is perfect for them. She is a certified educator and teaches business communication and presentation skills at the university level. Ruth offers teleclasses and workshops in addition to individual and group coaching. Contact her with any questions about the information in this document, coaching in general, or to schedule a complimentary coaching session. You can call her at 617-846-3824 or visit Ruth's website at www.coachruth.com.

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, check out this PDF file .

I have created a page out on the website that takes all of the Principles, with the clarification and key points I have written for each of them. It will always be updated up til the last newsletter! Principles 1-26 are there now. You can see it here: Atraction Plus!

Principle #27: HAVE A VISION
When you can see what's coming, you don't need to create a future.

CLARIFICATION

This is related to Stephen Covey's Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. It's a very natural extension of being who you are and is, in fact, very practical. I think of 'vision' as a view of the world, which way it's going or you'd like it to go. It's related to our values, mission and purpose in that it is based on our values and helps lead the way to our personal mission and purpose.

KEY POINTS

Vision vs Purpose: A vision is something that is clearly visible to you (and probably others). It's not you, or a reason for living. It has a tug, but not an emotional charge. A purpose, on the other hand, is personal. It orients, defines and identifies you.
Vision vs. Goal: A vision is something you perceive as likely to take place, whether or not you work on it. A goal is something you decide to achieve and actively pursue it.
You can't acquire a vision, but you can notice what's going on around you. How do you feel about that? What would you like to be different?
Having a vision is important for everyone, but especially if you are in a leadership position. In business, I feel it is the role of the leader to define the vision. Once it is defined, get together a group to determine how to achieve it (mission and operating principles).
A 'simple' way to identify your vision is to complete the following sentence: "In my ideal world, everyone on the planet __________________." Your mission is different from your vision in that it answers the following question: "What can/do I do to make that vision a reality?"

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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