Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

May 15, 2003, Issue #51
7 Elements of Wholeness

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

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In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak." --- Hans Hoffman

Keep It Simple

Keep Your Goals in Front of You

I received the following email from Mary McKeon of Massachusetts:

I just wanted to tell you something that I recently did that I find helpful to me. You know how we have discussed affirmation words?

Not too long ago, when I got myself into a difficult situation, I told you that I was using it to really reflect on myself and why I was doing the things that I was doing.

About 2 weeks after I started doing this, I got a message on my P.C. that my Screensaver password had expired and I needed to create a new one. Well, rather than doing what I always do like using a family name or my dog, I chose to use a motivational word that fit what I was trying to do to remind myself. I used the word "Changes" and it is how I log on everyday at work and I also set it so that when it is idle for 10 min, I have to type it in again.

Well, needless to say, I have to type it in frequently. I have found that it is a constant reminder to me of what I want to achieve. I will admit some days I type it and am discouraged, but more frequently it has a good feeling and affirms that I am making the right choices to achieve my goals.

In fact, maybe the next password will be "Choices"!

I just wanted to tell you this, since I feel it is something that I learned from you and have found a way to easily work it into my life! I tend to ignore sticky notes! Thought you might be able to use this with others!

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Thanks for sharing, Mary! This is such a beautiful, yet simple way of keeping your true choices in front of you. This works especially well in an office setting, since we usually don't want to share our personal goals with the entire world.

Another suggestion I have is to find a small, attractive object that would be appropriate to be on your desk. While holding the object, sit quietly, following your breath and visualizing what you want to bring into your life or how you want to be. While you are visualizing, also focus on transferring that feeling to the object in your hand. Then, when you look at it sitting on your desk, it can provide a trigger for remembering your goals.

Feature Article

The 7 Elements of Wholeness

A lot of my coaching is based around the concept of wholeness, our ability to utilize all of our strengths, skills and abilities --without limitation -- in order to live our best life and be our best self.

While '-ness' represents the quality or degree of something, the Merriam-Webster dictionary provides two definitions for 'whole' that I particularly like. The first is 'constituting the total sum or undiminished entirety' and the second is 'constituting the entirety of a person's nature or development'. As I use the term, wholeness captures the concept of the undiminished entirety of our nature, our best self.

To my mind, there are 7 critical elements of Wholeness. I believe that if we have enough of the following seven items to satisfy our needs and wants, nothing would stop us from reaching our fullest potential. [I also believe there are 5 Steps to Wholeness, but I'll cover those in the next newsletter.]

The 7 Elements of Wholeness are

Time
When we have all the time we need and want, we are calm and focused. In addition to having the time to accomplish what we want, this element also includes time for ourselves.
Space
Space includes not only the state of our home or other environments, but also the invisible zone that surrounds our body. This zone typically expands or contracts depending on where we are and how comfortable we feel.
Love
Having all the love we need or want involves feeling wanted, loved and included. We can be loved by one person or a community. This includes romantic love, spiritual love and all other forms of affection and companionship.
Money
Money includes money (incoming and invested) and the things that money represents and supplies. This includes security, stability, houses, cars and all the other stuff we buy with it. In addition, it includes our relationship with money. While true for all the elements, the idea of deserving (or not deserving) comes up most frequently around love and money.
Vitality
Vitality encompasses health, energy and a zest for life. It is not just lack of illness or lack of stress. There is also dynamic appreciation and enjoyment of life that pervades everything we do
Meaningful Action
Meaningful action is just that: somewhere in our lives there is enough focused activity that gives us a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, a sense of a job well done. It can be expressed in our careers, our families, or our communities; it can be creative, practical, or political; it can be paid or volunteered. The possibilities are endless, but it must be present in some form.
Self Regard
This is a combination of self-esteem, self-love, and self-care. Without a positive, balanced and healthy self-regard, it appears to be impossible to maximize the opportunities available when reserves of the other 6 elements are present.

I recommend that you start working with these concepts by using the following affirmations. Using each of the elements, go through all of the statements below. For example, start with Time: "I have all the time I need." "I have all the time I want." Continue through the list.

Pay attention to where you have an emotional response. For example, you may be able to say "I have all the time I need" just fine, but choke or feel sudden sadness when you say "I have all the time I want". You may breeze through Time, Space and Money, but have difficulty when you focus on Love.

Your emotional responses will indicate where your beliefs are getting in the way of creating the life you want. One way to approach a non-supportive belief is to add something to the beginning of the affirmation that addresses the voice that says "No!". For example "Despite my previous experience, I am now ready to have all the money I need or want." "Regardless of what my family said, it's okay to want all the time I need and want." This allows your head and heart to work together to come up with a new belief, one that supports you in becoming the best you possible.

I have(take) all the __________ [I need] [I want].
I believe it's possible to have/take all the ___________ [I need] [I want].
It's okay to want all the (as much) _______ [I need] [I want].
I believe the Universe is willing to provide all the _______ [I need] [I want].
I am willing to accept all the _______ the Universe has for me.
I deserve to have/take all the ________ I need and want right now. [as much ___ as]
All the __________ I want is waiting in the warehouse with my name on it.
All the __________ I want wants me! (What I want wants me!).

Related Quotes

"Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is." - Erich Fromm

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement." - Foster C. McClellan

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley

"Man is asked to make of himself what he is supposed to become to fulfill his destiny." - Paul Tillich

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Rejecting
By tom walsh

I'm going through my annual bout with allergies these days--the three or four weeks in the spring when pollen causes my sinuses and nasal passages to do all sorts of crazy things, mostly having to do with sneezing and creating immense quantities of fluids with which I can fill tissue after tissue. These are the days when I almost never get a full night's sleep, for I wake up two or three times either sneezing or so congested that I almost can't breathe. The Zyrtec that worked so well the first year now works fairly well, as I think I've been building up an immunity to it--I still wake up very often and end up walking around like a zombie the next day. None of the over-the-counter antihistamines work at all, and the other two prescription ones work worse than the Zyrtec.

When all is said and done, though, I'm pretty grateful that this is the extent of my poor health on an annual basis--when I think of all that I could be going through with a different health problem, my problems are very minor in comparison, and I have to be thankful to be afflicted with simply a reaction to pollen.

I've started to look at this affliction a bit differently this year, though, and I'm not sure why. I've been aware for years that my allergies are caused by my body trying to fend off an "intruder" that's completely harmless: pollen. My body is sneezing and watering and draining and itching because it wants to get rid of something that it doesn't need to get rid of. What a waste of energy and fluids that is!

I've tried to imagine what it would be like to get my body not to fight off the pollen--to just let it be when it enters my system. All of the symptoms then, in theory, would disappear, and I would no longer have allergies. But that's only if I can accomplish allowing my body to accept the "intruder" and not try to fight it off. The allergy medications merely stop the call to battle by blocking the histamines, from my understanding--it's suppressing a reaction that's trying to happen, causing another battle inside of me, and it does get me pretty tired.

This year, I've realized that this has been a trait of mine that goes far beyond pollen and allergies--I've always tried to push away anything that appears to be a threat, trying to keep myself "safe." It seems to be a rather normal human tendency, but I go a bit further because of some other things that have gone on in my life, and I know for a fact that I've rejected some things and people in my life that could have helped me to grow, to mature, and to learn--all because my first perception was that these things posed a threat to me.

My allergies mirror a very important aspect of who I've been for many years, and I'm pretty convinced that the only way I can get rid of my allergies is to get rid of this harmful aspect of myself. It's okay to want to protect myself, but I also reject the good and the harmless when I try too hard. That's what my body's doing--it's trying too hard to protect itself, and making me miserable because it's trying to reject some simple pollen.

This year, whenever the symptoms have started up, I try to tell myself to relax and to let the pollen alone--there's no need to reject it. I'm trying hard to extend that approach to other things in life, also, that I perceive as a threat. So far, I don't see any big changes, but I'm pretty sure that the more at peace I get with the perceived threats in my life, the more at peace my allergies will be. Even if I don't succeed in lessening the severity of my allergies, at least I'll be working at something very important--acceptance of life and the different aspects of life.

Most of the things we face in life are as harmless as pollen, but we spend a lot of effort and go through a lot of agony trying to keep them away, anyway. I've realized by looking at my allergies in a new way that I want to be more open and more accepting, and that I don't want to spend so much time rejecting things in a futile effort to keep myself safe from something that I don't even need protection from.
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tom walsh is a teacher, writer, and student of life who tries to learn all that he can about living a full and happy life. His website is at www.livinglifefully.com, and he recently had his first novel published. You can check out Tom's novel on Amazon here

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, email attraction04@touchpointcoaching.com .

I have created a page out on the website that takes all of the Principles, with the clarification and key points I have written for each of them. It will always be updated up til the last newsletter! That is, Principles 1-12 are there now, Principles 1-16 are there now. You can see it here: Atraction Plus!

Principle #20: DEVELOP MORE CHARACTER THAN YOU NEED
Integrity is not enough to become irresistibly attractive

CLARIFICATION

Have you ever used the phrase "He/She is a class act!" While we may not think it through, as a rule we use the phrase to describe someone with a lot of qualities that we aspire to, not just one or two. What would it take for us to become a class act? According to Thomas, there are 10 major categories of qualities to develop: Honor, Integrity, Personal Style, Caring, Effectiveness, Sense of Self, Openness, Delivery, Life Skills and Communication.

For a 100-point assessment to track your progress toward becoming a Class Act, send an email to classact04@touchpointcoaching.com

KEY POINTS

Difference between character and personality: Your character is the sum of your qualities: that which distinguishes you from others (strength of mind and emotion). Personality is how you come across, how you relate to others.
Character is a whole lot more than integrity/honesty. That's the beginning, but it's just the beginning.
There is a difference between integrity/honesty and integrity/wholeness. We use the term for both honesty and wholeness. I keep the distinction by talking about being "in" integrity to talk about wholeness (your actions match your words which match your beliefs).
When you are completely clear about the rightness (as opposed to self-righteousness) of how you operate in life, you won't have any questions in the corners of your mind about whether you deserve the best.
Character counts the most when it's applied to real life - and that means it's vitally important to be effective.

If you want to discuss these points with a coach, contact me for a complimentary session at compsession04@touchpointcoaching.com

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868 or 1-866-COACH-99 (toll-free inside USA)
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com

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