Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

March 5, 2003, Issue #49
Simple Ways to Simplify Your Life

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

If you are anyway connected to the coaching world or get other newsletters from coaches, I am sure that you have heard that Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach University, Coachville, the ICF and coaching as we know it today passed away after a sudden heart attack about three weeks ago. If it weren't for Thomas, both directly and indirectly, I wouldn't be doing work that I love and the 3 Minute Coach wouldn't exist. His vision and clarity of what could be affected us all, inspiring, nudging, and challenging us to be our best.

Thank you Thomas. May your vision never die.

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"Making a wrong decision is understandable. Refusing to search continually for learning is not". --- Philip Crosby

Keep It Simple

Save Time by Going Through, Not Around

Have you ever noticed how much time we time we spend trying to figure out a way around an obstacle? Or how much time we spend trying to avoid pain or discomfort, especially the emotional kind?

In my experience, the shortest, most effective way to get to the other side is to go through it, not around it and certainly not down some other road hoping it will be smoother sailing.

Don't bite off more than you can chew at any one time, but start looking at these obstacles face on. This includes fear. Accepting that the obstacle, whatever it might be, is in our lives for a reason is often the first step in breaking it down. Be brave. You DO have the resources to get through this. Very often it is like jumping into a cold pool of water. The shock lasts a moment, but then we are able to see past the cold, to feel the excitement and energy of this new brisk environment. Soon we realize that in fact the temperature is quite manageable and we start enjoying our new surroundings.

Look at the obstacles and fears in your life. Ask the first question: What is the payback for going through this? What will I learn? How will my life improve? What resources do I have to help me through it? If you do serious soul searching on these questions and truly cannot see that the value of going through the obstacle, then and only then start identifying how to jump over it. Once you are honest with yourself, the 'right' approach will start looking like the 'simplest' approach and you can move forward confidently.

Feature Article

Top 10 Simple Ways to Simplify Your Life

Just say no.
To people, places, things that don't fill your heart with joy
SISO [Something In, Something Out]
Want to buy a new book? What book are you willing to let go of? Keeping the objects in your home at a manageable, controllable level is a critical component of leading a simple life. You need to "feel" free in order to "be" free.
Minimize.
The fewer things on a table, the fewer things to pick up and dust. The fewer things on your desk, the fewer things to distract you. The fewer the items, the simpler the choices.
Know your personal boundary between storage and stockpiling.
For each of us this is different, but simple means you are not running out every five minutes (or week) to replenish something. It comes from a sense of abundance. Stockpiling is the result of fear of running out and comes from a sense of scarcity.
Eliminate the word 'should' from your vocabulary.
Life cannot be simple if we are still trying to live up to other people's expectations. Or have expectations of what others 'should' do. 'Should' may be the saddest word in the dictionary.
Don't put it down. Put it Away.
Take the extra seconds NOW. It really saves hours later. [Also,develop mantras such as this that help.Another favorite: Dinner isn't over until the kitchen is clean.]
Remove yourself from negative situations and people.
You do get to choose the people you willingly spend your time with or what you spend your time doing. If you always leave a place or people feeling drained, angry, dejected, or violated, then make a new choice.
Don't take it personally.
Most of what others say or do is about them, not you. If you carry that to the next logical step, that also means that much of what you say about others if really about you.... hmmm...
Choose "true-to-self" over everything else.
Whenever you need to make a choice, always take the path that is in harmony with your core values and beliefs. Notice where you feel the discomfort in your body. I find that discomfort in my head, throat or chest is fear. Discomfort in my stomach or gut tends to mean something is out of integrity.
Accept responsibility.
Once you accept responsibility for everything in your life two things happen. One, you stop being a victim and that is much simpler. Two, you claim the power to change your future, and it doesn't get much simpler than that!

Related Quotes

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." - Albert Einstein

"It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences." - Aristotle

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." - Henry David Thoreau

"There is a certain majesty in simplicity which is far above all the quaintness of wit." - Alexander Pope

"All things are difficult before they are easy." -- Thomas Fuller

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

What to Do When You Feel Like Quitting
By Suzanne Falter-Barns

Sooner or later, I can guarantee there will come a day when you decide the results aren't shaping up quickly enough, or neatly enough, or clearly enough, and you entertain thoughts of quitting. Most likely, this is your dark night of the soul. Things won't be going well and you'll question whether God or Whomever really wanted you to do this work, or the idea just showed up like some mutant cell in the gene pool.

Since we all know the evils of quitting, I'll focus instead on what to do to help you hang tough. Here are steps to make sure your decision is the right one.

Take a break.
Take a weekend or a week off from your project to think about what you're doing. Often just some absence from the work, especially if you've been chipping away at it every day for a long time, is enlightening. You can gain just enough perspective to evaluate what's truly going on. You might even want to take time to ask yourself the questions at the end of this chapter. (See "Ten Hard Questions To Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting.") Then, instead of acting rashly, you can act rationally.
Take a spiritual retreat.
In the spirit of all the great religious seekers who ever wandered a desert, take a day, weekend, week, or even more time if you can, to tune in, spiritually. This could be a friend's weekend house by the beach (if you go, make sure you've got some time to get away by yourself), a yoga retreat, a nearby nature sanctuary or state park that permits camping, or even a monastery or spiritual sanctuary. By removing yourself from the hustle bustle of everyday life, and going into a contemplative quiet place, you can really make the deep, life-altering decisions such times demand. I urge you to choose a place that is not only nurturing and soothing to your spirit, but one that allows you plenty of space, time and quiet to sort out your thoughts. There is an excellent list of such places at the end of this chapter, as well as key questions to ask yourself while you are there. (See Chapter X of my book, "When, How, and Why to Disappear for a While.")
Write down what's going on.
Your journal could be your greatest ally in this process, if you make time to empty your brain of all those frightened, frustrated thoughts that are kicking around in there. There is nothing worse for the creative flow than 'brain jam', the condition where your thoughts become so intense that they clog up your ability to think rationally. Indeed, too much thinking can paralyze you from any kind of action, and so you miss the opportunity to move forward. Again, take a look at the list of questions that follow and answer them for yourself in writing.
Get support.
Just like an AA member contemplating going on a bender, you need to call your 'sponsor' or greatest supporter and get help. This is precisely why you lined them up in the first place -- so when the chips are down, they can talk you on to the next victory. If you feel squeamish about appearing in front of them in your most bedraggled state, remember that you would want them to come to you if they needed help this badly.
List the pros and cons.
If none of the above seem to work, sit down with a piece of paper and evaluate the pros and cons of quitting your endeavor. Be brutally honest with yourself, and make sure each list is complete. Don't leave a single pro or con unconsidered. Then walk away from your list. Take a look at it again in a few days, when you've had time for your thoughts to settle. Your perspective should be clearer and the answer obvious.

Try This . Ten Important Questions To Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting

What have I learned from my work in the past?
What am I learning now?
Have I generally been a quitter in life?
What would I leave behind if I quit?
What will I never know about if I quit?
How will I feel about this at the end of my life?
What do I need to keep going?
What do I still need to learn?
How will I feel if I can achieve my goal?
How will achieving my goal help other people?

For information on how to actually leave your job, find the energy, and track down the mental space to live your dreams, check out Suzanne's e-book, "Living Your Joy* How to Find the Time, the Money and the Energy to Live Your Dream (And Still Pay the Bills!)" available at www.howmuchjoy.com/livingyourjoy.html.

©2002 Suzanne Falter-Barns. www.howmuchjoy.com
Suzanne is the author of How Much Joy Can You Stand? A Creative Guide To Facing Your Fears and Making Your Dreams Come True (Ballantine Wellspring) Her free ezine, The Joy Letter, brings you a crisp, fresh burst of inspiration for your dream every week or two. Sign up at her JoyLetter page and receive her valuable report, "Thirty-Five Guaranteed Time Savers". It helps you create time to finally live your dreams.

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, email attraction04@touchpointcoaching.com .

I have created a page out on the website that takes all of the Principles, with the clarification and key points I have written for each of them. It will always be updated up til the last newsletter! That is, Principles 1-12 are there now, Principles 1-16 are there now. You can see it here: Atraction Plus!

Principle #18: SENSITIZE YOURSELF
The more you feel, the more you'll notice and respond to the many opportunities in the present.

CLARIFICATION

When you really let yourself be aware of what's going on around you, the quicker you can take advantage of what's there. Very often, we try to protect ourselves from past or future pain by 'numbing' out, whether with food, alcohol, tv, sex, loud noise, whatever. This clouds the picture and doesn't allow us to know what's truly going on. It's not 'be sensitive' but 'be sensitive to'.

KEY POINTS

Feeling vs Knowing. To feel is to sense, be aware of, be touched. To know is to have information. One is head; the other is heart. Both are powerful and I believe the ideal is to have them be equally important in our lives. One may be dominant at different times, but truly successful people are strong in both.
Pay attention to what you use as a "numb-er". There are many different ways. It's not what we do, it's what we spend a lot of time doing. And many of the best 'numb-ers' are socially acceptable, so if you don't smoke, drink, do drugs or have inappropriate sex doesn't mean you aren't numbing yourself.
Allow yourself to become aware of those feelings in your gut (your intuition) and then start trusting them. This is often the best tool we have in responding to our situation. It also helps us 'stay' in the present as these feelings tend to be 'in' the present. Awareness happens on many different levels. Think of your intuition as finely-tuned sensitive radar that can pick up things very far away, while your eyes (head) has a much more limited range. Both give valuable information.
For attraction to work, you need this principle to work effectively. Attraction is something that happens in the present, so it is critical that you be tuned in to what's going on in the present. Being ready, willing and able to respond in the present also helps!
You'll know you're making progress when it's easy to make corrections. You'll immediately "feel" that you've made a wrong turn and be able to quickly get back on track.

If you want to discuss these points with a coach, contact me for a complimentary session at compsession04@touchpointcoaching.com

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Here's what's available to you:

ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of ATTRACTION PRINCIPLES
Thomas Leonard's 28 Principles of Attraction
ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
ONE-PAGE SUMMARY PDF of 21 LEADER'S QUALITIES
21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader by John Maxwell
100-POINT CLASS ACT ASSESSMENT
Track your progress towards becoming a Class Act.
100-POINT SUPERRESERVE ASSESSMENT
Identify areas where you already have reserves and find new ones.
EXERCISE: RELEASE THE PAST
PDF file with directions for letting go.
EXERCISE: WHEEL OF LIFE
PDF Exercise for gaining clarity on goals
EXERCISE: QUILTING BE
PDF Exercise to step outside the box and get a fresh perspective on a situation.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868 or 1-866-COACH-99 (toll-free inside USA)
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com

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