Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

August 30, 2002, Issue #43
More on Visualization

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Thanks for my wonderful subscribers for giving me today's issue.

If you haven't been by the website for a while, I've done a lot of work in the Tips and Wisdom Sections. If you have any ideas for additional inclusions, please let me know.

What's New
Tips & Tools
Wisdom

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." --- Peter Drucker

Keep It Simple

On Being a Chatterbox

I received the following email from a 3MC subscriber:
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I have a big issue with being a chatterbox, I seem to go off on a tangent and can't stick to the topic in question, this is posing problem professional and personally.

This means others get lost in my conversations and at times they seem to be more like a monologue. If you wouldn't mind giving me a few tips.
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Thanks for the question. It's a great one!

Without knowing more, I believe that the best suggestion I have is for you to practice what I call the 3-Breath Miracle. Nothing quiets my mind faster than by following my breath for 3 deep, long, slow breaths. Really engage your mind in the process. For me, this invariably gets rid of all the 'noise' in my head and allows me to focus. I would recommend that you do this once an hour when you're alone.

When you're talking to someone else, I recommend that you listen intently to what they are saying, then follow your breath for one breath, then answer. Let them talk, really listen, take a breath, then answer. Keep this up until it becomes second nature to you.

Another good trick is to think of yourself as Julie on the old Love Boat show (I am pretty sure this ran in other countries as well). Her main job as Cruise Director was being responsible for other people's good times. When we focus on others and making them feel comfortable, we often lose our self-consciousness.

I hope you find this helpful.

Feature Article

More on Visualization

Last issue's focus on visualization and focus on getting a clear picture of what you want brought some great feedback. One letter, from Christine Emerson, brings out a very important point on the process. Here's Christine's email:

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Louise, I have been a subscriber for a few months and am always pleased to see your newsletter arrive in my mailbox. I have just read over the one that arrived yesterday and have a question about "creative visualization".

I realized as I read the newsletter that I have, perhaps, an unusual response to some of the philosophy/instruction about creating your life. I agree that if you have a particular house in mind it's best to know what you're looking for if you want to increase the likelihood that you'll get it, and the non-negotiables part was nice and clear. What I'm having trouble with is the notion that we can and should attempt to steer our lives.

Over the years I've developed a point of view, based largely on my own experience, that our part in creation is to know what we want, do the footwork, and get out of the way. Don't over think. Don't over steer. Allow "the universe" to give you or lead you to what's right for you.(As an example, I've used this method twice for "finding the job for me".)

We've got amazingly strong personalities, including egos based, in part, on fears, past histories, misconceptions, expectations (ours and other people's), etc. I feel dubious about the notion that we get the best results in our lives by the use of our will alone. Sweet surrender seems to be missing in the equation.

I've been led, yes led, to some of the most amazing things. Not because I made them happen by concrete actions but because of two things that I've been able to determine so far:

rock solid intention (a clear thought - sometimes a determination or proclamation and sometimes not - sans hesitation/doubt/conflict)
being open to what is given.

Sometimes there's very little footwork because I'm being led to my greater good.

A key piece is being open and receptive. These qualities may not have been cultivated in a person who's "making it happen". Patience (not toe tapping or doubt but an abiding faith) is also an important factor because, although we might think we're ready now, other things might need to fall into place before the space opens up for it to happen. Joy and gratitude are the result. And a sense of place and purpose in the grand scheme.

You might think I'm a religious fanatic but I'm not; I have no religious affiliation at all. But I'm aware that this physical world is only one piece of the puzzle - as a person who knows that "the universe responds to energy", you likely know that too.

I know that my point of view is right for me; might it have application for others? Am I alone in this? Or have I simply missed this message in other newsletters?

Thank you for what you bring to the world. I do enjoy your newsletter and appreciate your work.

Thanks, Christine.

P.S. I liked the story about not being clear about the deck on the house. I did a similar thing. I had spontaneously declared that I would no longer waste my time on a man who could not meet me spiritually and a few months later, when we were both ready, he showed up. Unfortunately, I forgot to add that he should not be married! An important lesson.
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I very much appreciate Christine taking the time to write this. First, I believe it really helps crystallize how the process works. Second, it made me aware that, as a writer, I sometimes focus on one piece of the process and forget to include the entire process. For example, for me, part of the process of visualization is to add "This, or something better" or "Let Thy will and not my will be done."

For me, these phrases signify that I understand it is a joint process of creation. That I am not alone in the process, that I have the support of God, the Universe, or however you choose to identify that higher power that surely must have created the world.

The biggest piece that most of us need to learn is that the Universe wants us to have what we want. However, just as a parent responds to the emotion behind what we are saying, ignoring the words completely, so the Universe responds to what has the most emotion behind it. It also responds best to those areas where we are willing to back up our desire with action.

In my experience, there are four essential pieces for 'creating' our reality:

I am crystal clear about what I want, (Visualization)
I have a belief that supports my having that thing, (Bolstering Belief)
I am willing to participate in the creation process by taking concrete action (even if it's to just focus daily on what I want to create or to respond to all opportunities that come my way) (Intention Backed by Action)
I am open to the fact that God may have something different in mind for me and am ok with that (View of the Forest / Universal Plan)

The degree to which any piece is missing affects the ease with which we are able to create what we want. For an article and exercise on "Bolstering Beliefs", see Newsletter #9

Related Quotes

"There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion." - Carl Jung

"One must not lose desires. They are mighty stimulants to creativeness, to love and to long life." - Alexander Bogomoletz

"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an inner exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world." - Sheila Graham

"His mother had often said, When you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action. She had emphasized the corollary of this axiom even more vehemently: when you desired a consequence you had damned well better take the action that would create it." - Lois McMaster Bujold

"Creativity is...seeing something that doesn't exist already. You need to find out how you can bring it into being and that way be a playmate with God." - Michele Shea

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, email attraction04@touchpointcoaching.com .

**NEW** August 30, 2002: I have created a page out on the website that takes all of the Principles, with the clarification and key points I have written for each of them. It will always be updated up til the last newsletter! That is, Principles 1-12 are there now, #13 will be added before the next newsletter. You can see it here: Atraction Plus!

Principle #13: GET YOUR PERSONAL NEEDS MET, ONCE AND FOR ALL
If you have unmet needs, you'll attract others in the same position.

CLARIFICATION

If you're starving, food isn't an option - it's a need. The same is true if you have an unmet personal/emotional need. To really be yourself, especially to be your best self, you MUST get this need satisfied. It's not optional.

KEY POINTS

A want is something you'd like to have, but your life doesn't suffer if you don't get it. A need is something that you must have and when you don't get it, your life is thrown off balance.
There is a difference between a need that is met and a need that is unmet. For example, you have a need to be loved, but you FEEL loved so it's not unmet. When a need is met, you don't find yourself exhibiting destructive behavior in order to get it met.
When your need gets met without your having to repeatedly focus on it, it's being properly satisfied. If you keep "feeding" the need, it's being gratified.
You CAN get all your personal needs met. It is entirely possible to do this in a way that is in harmony with who you are.
There are 4 ways I know to get needs met: For example, if you have an unmet need for acknowledgement you can (1) Ask other people to meet the need by emailing or calling you every day for 2 weeks to let you know why they are grateful you are in their life. (2) Keeping an acknowledgement journal of times people say thank you and of times you feel good about what you have done; (3) Acknowledging someone else every day for two weeks (the same or multiple people); (4) Asking for Divine assistance in getting the need met through meditation or prayer.

To read more on needs, see Newsletter #13

To receive a free inventory to help you identify your needs, send blank email to: needs04@touchpointcoaching.com

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com

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