Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

June 29, 2002, Issue #40
Lessons Learned from Agatha Christie

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Thanks to the many readers who've ordered my new booklet. If you haven't had a chance to check it out yet, you can learn more about my new ebook "Blueprint for Success: 101 Ways to Reclaim Your Vital Energy and Get the Results You Want", which is available for immediate download at an introductory rate of $5.95 at Blueprint for Success .

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." --- Mahatma Gandhi

Keep It Simple

Look Past the Pain

Can you remember the last time something emotionally painful happened to you? Perhaps someone you care about decided it was time to move on? Or just needed to express their truth, which somehow involved something negative about you?

Our first response is typically to feel raw and vulnerable. Which shouldn't surprise us, since we just had our nice clean image of our self stripped away without warning. We feel like we've been attacked and our reaction usually follows a "withdraw and protect" mode. Trying to keep our sense of self in tact, we usually start by feeling sad and hurt, then move on to what's wrong with the other person. While the time spent in phase 1 will depend on our basic sense of self worth (the lower our self esteem, the longer we stay in phase 1), for most of us self-protection involves putting up defenses about the other person.

Unfortunately, while it is critically important that you feel everything you feel, neither of these reactions serve you long-term. Protecting ourselves from being hurt is, I believe, the number one cause of people being alone, and lonely. Therefore, allow yourself to feel both of these, but then move past both of these feeling to phase 3. Didn't know there was a Phase 3? Well, there it is. It's that place where you accept responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to you, even the things that other people do to you. In that place, you get to ask yourself some questions. What did I learn from this? What did I need to learn from that person? Did I learn it? Is it time to move on? How can this experience make me better and stronger? Is it possible that I wanted to move on but was afraid to do so? What do I know now that I didn't know before? Does this move me closer to my long term goals? Or further away? What am I afraid of?

Looking past the pain allows us to put this experience into perspective. And for me, the goal is not to experience pain at all, but to learn from each painful (and joyful!) experience as soon as possible, incorporating that knowledge into my life. Life without pain is not life. It's a hollow shell of life where we are basically unhappy, wondering why we are not able to have what everyone else seems to have no trouble finding.

Another point: Once you've come out the other side of the questioning, you'll quickly see that, in most cases, there is no reason to stay upset with the other person. If someone is the impetus for us learning about ourselves, our natural response is to want to thank them. You may have to experience this first hand to believe it, but it's happened to me too many times not to accept this as truth.

Feature Article

Top 10 Lessons I Learned from Agatha Christie

Since we're coming up on the July 4th holiday weekend here in the States, I thought I'd keep it light. I've been a fan of Agatha Christie and her mysteries my whole life and I thought I'd share what I've learned from reading her books countless times.

There are lots of clues in life.
Some clues are red herrings.
Everyone loves to talk about themselves.
There are connections to get from just about everything.
Bad things can happen in the most beautiful surroundings.
Everyone has something they prefer to keep hidden.
It's in casual conversations that we reveal the most about ourselves.
People who tell you negative things about others should probably be the number one suspect.
Whenever possible, get everyone into a large room to unveil the murderer.
Life lessons are available no matter where we look!

Related Quotes

"All perception of truth is the detection of an analogy." -- Henry David Thoreau

"The best time to plan a book is while you're doing the dishes." -- Agatha Christie

"I don't think necessity is the mother of invention - invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness. To save oneself trouble." -- Agatha Christie

"I am Hercule Poirot and I know." -- Hercule Poirot in "Death in the Clouds".

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, check out this PDF file .

I have created a page out on the website that takes all of the Principles, with the clarification and key points I have written for each of them. It will always be updated up til the last newsletter! Principles 1-26 are there now. You can see it here: Atraction Plus!

Principle #10: DELIVER TWICE WHAT YOU PROMISE
When you consistently deliver more than was expected, new customers are drawn to you.

CLARIFICATION

When you mater the art of promising less yet delivering more, you'll fulfill much more of your own potential and greatly increase how people value you. This is based on the principle that if you don't crowd yourself with promises (which generally create stress), you're free to reach a lot deeper into your resources for performance. This principle can be applied to ALL your relationships, business and personal.

KEY POINTS

It is possible to deliver twice what you promised without spending twice the time. Innovate!
Being satisfied has now become the norm. The next level, which is now required if you want to be attractive, is to exceed expectations.
Deliver for the pleasure of it, not because you said you would. Keep your focus on why you are promising in the first place, not what you promised. The first focus brings joy and energy, the second stress.
Just do what you can do. Don't say what you can't do. First, this is about actions speaking louder than words. Second, framing everything in terms of what you can do (instead of what you can't) is liberating.
Think about WHY you are making promises in the first place. This can be a very fruitful question. The more insecure we feel, the more we feel the need to promise. When we feel secure, we just do.

Three-Minute Tools

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Blueprint for Success -- RECLAIM YOUR ENERGY AND GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT
Blueprint for Success.Ebooklet by Louise Morganti Kaelin. Get F/ree when you join The 3-Minute Coach

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-484-660-3143
Email:

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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