Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

March 29, 2002, Issue #35
Life on the Front Burner

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Hope you enjoy this issue's articles. The "Keep it Simple" article is a reprint of an article first included in the August 14, 2000 issue of The 3-Minute Coach. I have recently been reminded of the power of gratitude and wanted to share it with many new subscribers.

As always, thanks for passing the 3-Minute Coach on to family, friends and colleagues.

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

Food for Thought

"Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of." --- Geri Weitzman

Keep It Simple

Attitude of Gratitude

When was the last time you stopped to acknowledge all the good things in your life? Very often, when we're focused on a "big" goal, or just caught up in day-to-day living, we often forget about the things that bring us joy. And when we're feeling down, it's very hard to remember that they exist at all! Yet there is a definite physiological response when we acknowledge our gratitude. Try it now. Close your eyes and think of something (or someone) you're grateful for. Notice how your breathing changes? How it slows down? That you start smiling? And just feel better in general?

It is amazing to me how something so simple can change my perspective. No matter what my attitude was when I started, I feel better. And the more things I can acknowledge my gratitude for, the better I feel. Here's a simple way to incorporate gratitude into your life on a regular basis.

Start your day off by remembering what you're grateful for. List everything you can think of., but definitely do at least five. As you continue with this exercise on a daily basis, you'll notice that your list grows.
Include one self-appreciation item. Being grateful for your special skills, abilities, actions and kindnesses is also important.
You can write these in a Gratitude Journal. Or, you can incorporate this exercise into your morning routine. What do you do regularly in the morning where your mind is free? Walk, shower, exercise, or commute to work? Reap double benefits from what you're already doing by making that your "gratitude time".
Starting your day with gratitude puts you in a pretty good mood. So, when you get to work, begin with the hardest thing you have to do that day. I suspect you'll find it much easier to accomplish.

Feature Article

Life on the Front Burner

How many times in your life have you had to put something "on the back burner", letting an idea or a project simmer in the background while you focused on something else? How often were the things that went on the back burner your personal hopes, dreams or needs while you concentrated on the hopes, dreams or needs of someone else? There is nothing wrong with that decision and in some cases it can be admirable. However, it's not admirable if your personal needs never come off the back burner.

We all know that, during the safety instructions on an airplane, we are instructed to put the mask over our own mouth first, then on our child's. Why? The reason is simple -- if we are knocked unconscious there will be no one to look after the child, endangering them even more than those few moments it takes to put our own mask on. The wisdom of this is readily apparent once we think about it, and is good advice to take forward into all areas of our lives.

For many years, I put the needs of others first. As I evolved personally, I came to understand that it was okay - healthier, even - to put my needs equal to the needs of others. In fact, it is how I now define the word "selfish", and use the term "self-centered" for someone determined to live as though the world revolves around them.

Even with that advanced understanding, however, I still didn't take care of my self as much as I needed. That included delaying doctors; appointments or working past the exhaustion point because someone else needed me. Even though I felt my needs were equal to the needs of others, the reality is that 90% of the time I still opted to take care of others before myself. This isn't bad, either, because for the most part these were conscious choices I made. Unfortunately, there has been a physical and emotional cost that becomes harder and harder to bounce back from.

Where does that leave me today? With a new understanding, one that suggests that, in fact, I need to opt for myself more than 10% of the time. However, I'm still basically someone who likes to give. and I like that about myself, so it's really important for me not to become that "self-centered" person I described earlier. And that brings me to the concept of choosing to put me on the front burner, to live on the front burner.

This analogy is really appropriate for me. I think it works because I still am a person who cares for others. So, while I may have neglected myself on the back burner, I find that I do not neglect others back there. The result is that I am truly taking care of myself and caring for others at the same time, for the first time in my life. Sometimes we just need the right analogy or framing for an idea to really take hold. This 'front burner' idea is perfect for me. In fact, I now keep the tea kettle on the front burner on the stove. This way, every time I walk into the kitchen I am reminded of this shift in my thinking and it helps me remain focused and clear about this positive new action and change in my life.

So, where in your life have you been putting yourself on the back burner and forgetting about you? A harried parent, juggling work and family? An over-conscientious leader or manager? Oldest sibling? Youngest sibling? Caught between aging parents and developing children? No matter how overwhelmed you might be feeling, it is possible to find some moments of time just for yourself. The key is remembering that it is not an either/or situation. You get to take care of yourself and handle your responsibilities to others. Make a conscious decision to live YOUR life on the front burner!

Related Quotes

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." - Carl Sandburg

"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others." - Thomas a Kempis

"Self-love is not opposed to the love of other people. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor, and vise versa." -- Dr. Karl A. Menninger

"Pride, like laudanum and other poisonous medicines, is beneficial in small, though injurious in large quantities. No man who is not pleased with himself, even in a personal sense, can please others." -- Frederick Saunders

Principles of Attraction

Attraction is the ability to consistently draw the best things in life towards you: opportunities, strong finances, rewarding relationships, whatever you define as 'the best things'. Additionally, it means to draw them forth effortlessly, without striving, scuffling or struggling.

Thomas J. Leonard has developed 28 Principles of Attraction in his book "The Portable Coach". (Visit Amazon.Com) .

Each newsletter I will take one principle and highlight its key points. For a pdf version of all 28 principles, email attraction04@touchpointcoaching.com .

Principle #5: ADD VALUE JUST FOR THE JOY OF IT
When you add value because you enjoy it, people are naturally attracted to you.

CLARIFICATION

In every key relationship of your life (and that includes customers, clients, business associates as well as family and friends), adding value for the joy of it will produce success in all areas of your life. The key is to provide value to others at little - or no - cost to you. This is not about sacrifice, but about developing life-long relationships by giving others what they value in a manner that keeps you feeling positive.

KEY POINTS

Make sure you find out what the other person places value on, then give them that. Don't assume that what you consider value is what they consider value.
Wherever possible, tie their 'added value' back to your core values. These are qualities that you already love to express, so they are cost-free when your added value is tied to them.
This is an easier, and often, more productive, way to sell than "selling", which is often convincing people to buy what you have, and not providing value they need or want.
Be creative. Customize what you have to perfectly fit what another wants.
You will know you are doing this 'right' when you start noticing and appreciating others who are adding value to you.

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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