Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

September 21, 2001, Issue #26
Choices in the Aftermath of Terror

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Welcome friends, old and new. With this issue I welcome over 700 new subscribers. Thank you for continuing to forward 3MC to your friends.

First, I want to thank the many subscribers who sent their expressions of sympathy and condolences. These brought comfort, especially in those first 48 hours and I appreciate your taking the time. I think it speaks to point that I make several times in this newsletter. This happened to all of us and we all felt a need to reach out and touch someone, not just those close in geography and in our hearts, but to our brothers and sisters in our virtual community.

In joy, peace and gratitude,

Louise

P.S. I apologize for the links that didn't work last issue. Here's the corrected link for The Coaching Challenge:

[The shifting of seasons is always a good time to take stock of where you are in life and where you want to go. It's often a time that we experience higher levels of energy as we gear up for fall or spring. Take advantage of this time and take the Coaching Challenge today. Find out today if you're ready, willing and able to be your best self, and register to win a free month of coaching while you're at it!] Contest

Food for Thought

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." --- Unknown

Keep It Simple

Be Kind to Yourself; You are in Mourning

Over the past week, I've had a number of clients berate themselves because they had fallen behind on a number of projects and were having difficulty in getting motivated. They were surprised, but I was not. It is critical for each and every person, regardless of where you live, to acknowledge that you have been affected by the events of September 11th and are in mourning.

Be kind to yourself, and to those around you. Remember that everyone goes through the mourning process differently. We all run through the gamut of feelings multiple times (shock, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, acceptance, nostalgia, hope for tomorrow, moving on) and we all express those emotions differently. Also, the grieving process can takes weeks, months or years. Please be gentle with yourself. It is our capacity to feel each other's sorrow that will give us the strength to face the challenges of the future.

Special Offer:
Douglas and Paula Griffin, Editors of Consulting Today, have generously provided a free pre-print of an article to be included in their next issue. It is entitled "After Disaster: Helping with Personal Recovery". I believe you will find it extremely helpful. To get your own copy, please visit here.

Feature Article

Choices We Get to Make in the Aftermath of Terror

I have spoken before about the Pendulum Effect, the fact that sometimes, in order to create the change we want, it is necessary to swing the pendulum to the extreme opposite end so that it may finally come to rest in a centered, balanced position. That is my explanation for the tragic events of September 11th, 2001. I also believe there may have been other ways to get to this same point, ways that would not take the same toll in human loss and suffering, yet I admit that I personally can not think of what else could have had the same world-stopping effect.

I believe that this event is the starting point for a new tomorrow and that the choices we make from this point forward will shape what that tomorrow will look like. Listed below are the choices that we must make individually and as a community, whether local, national or global

Love or Hate
This may be the most obvious choice we make. Do we harden our hearts towards everyone different from us? Or open our hearts to all those who share in our pain, regardless or race, religion, national ethnicity? I choose love.
Unity or Divisiveness
Do we band together in this hour of sadness? Or continue to focus on our petty differences? If our politicians can be united in their leadership, for one more hour, for one more day, then there is hope for intelligent, sharing dialog that allows us to work together to find appropriate solutions and responses. It also allows us to have confidence in those solutions. United, we celebrate our strengths and our joys and we share our pain and sorrow, easing the burden for each of us. I choose unity.
World Focus or Individual Focus
Do we begin to see ourselves as citizens of the world, with disappearing borders and common hopes and dreams? Or do we hide behind our own small defenses, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically? I choose to be a citizen of the world.
Being Paralyzed with Fear or Forging Ahead
Do we stop all movement, fearful of what the next step will bring? Or do we continue to move forward towards our goals. As shock and disbelief give way to a new series of emotions, the need for each of us to refocus on our lives, on our personal dreams becomes evident. We are faced with choices each moment of the day, so we will need to choose over and over again. I know that it will not always be easy, but I choose to forge ahead.
Stuck in Anger or Move Through Stages
There are multiple stages to grief: disbelief, denial, guilt, anger, sadness, acceptance, nostalgia, hope for tomorrow, moving on. All are appropriate responses, although we must temper our expression of each and every one of them. Some individuals feel it 'safer" to stay in anger, but any attempt to manipulate the process ultimately ends in failure. I choose to move through the stages, knowing that I will go through each one multiple times.
New Beginning or Futile End / Hope or Futility
We can take the opportunity to learn from this event and mold a new beginning, refocusing on what's important and aligning our lives with our values. Or we can see it as the end of peace and security. I choose to honor the victims and see this as a new beginning.
Change Agent or "The Way We Were" Agent
In times of stress, people want to find comfort in getting things back to normal as soon as possible. Unfortunately, "normal" is being redefined so we can't find solace there - yet. We can choose to acknowledge and accept that the world is changing or we can jump on the "way we were" band wagon. I choose to be a change agent.
Learn or Be oblivious
Lessons abound for each of us. Do we learn the lessons from this tragedy or remain oblivious for a while longer. Remembering that other lessons I refused to learn continued to be repeated until I dealt with them, I choose to learn my lessons.
First things First or Go For Brass ring
Before September 11th, many of us were caught up in the outward vestiges of success in our careers and daily activities - position, fame, money, power, the attainment of 'things'. It's not that these are bad goals, they just need to be put in perspective. One lesson or choice for many of us is refocusing on what's truly important-people. Whether it's family, neighbors, coworkers, or community, we are blessed with the opportunity to choose people over things. I choose first things first-people.
Leader or Follower
Never in my lifetime have I seen such cohesiveness between American political leaders, nor between so many international leaders. It is inspiring and fills me with hope. There are those (including many members of the media, but I will save you from my rant on the media) who find the unity boring or confusing and who do their best to remind people of the petty differences that existed on September 10th. Individually we can lead others to a new understanding by being willing to hear what everyone has to say or we can follow the pack looking for ways to point out weaknesses (real or perceived). I choose to be a leader. I choose, without reliving my own past political choices, to make my decisions based on actions from today and not last November, or worse, 60 years ago.

Related Quotes

"Men make the mistake of thinking that because women can't see the sense in violence, they must be passive creatures. It's just not true. In one important way, at least, men are the passive sex. Given a choice, they will always opt for the status quo. They hate change of any kind, and they fight against it constantly. On the other hand, what women want is stability, which when you stop to think about it is a very different animal. " -- Eric Lustbader

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action." -- John Dewey

"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. " -- William Jennings Bryan

"Liberty is the right to choose. Freedom is the result of the right choice." -- Anonymous

"If you choose not to decide -- you still have made a choice! " -- Neil Peart

"The forces of good and evil are working within and around me, I must choose, and in a free will universe I do have a choice. " -- Sovereign "As human beings, we are endowed with freedom of choice, and we cannot shuffle off our responsibility upon the shoulders of God or nature. We must shoulder it ourselves. It is up to us." -- A. J. Toynbee

"If we could raise one generation with unconditional love, there would be no Hitlers. We need to teach the next generation of children from Day One that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind's greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear. " -- Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Louise Hay Power Card of the Week

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of 27 books, including "You Can Heal Your Life" and "Empowering Women". She has recently created a set of 64 Power Thought Cards, with beautifully illustrated affirmations. Each newsletter, I will share one of these wonderful thoughts.

Power Card:	Everything I touch is a Success.
Affirmation:	I now establish a new awareness of success. I know I can be as successful as I make up my mind to be. I move into the Winning Circle. Golden opportunities are everywhere for me. Prosperity of every kind is drawn to me.

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