Welcome!
Personal Coach
Louise Kaelin
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Welcome!
Personal Coach
Louise Kaelin
|
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Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?
Welcome friends, old and new.
As many of you know, I share my personal journey through the pages of The
3-Minute Coach. For the past few months, the publication schedule has been
very erratic as I spent a lot of time traveling between Massachusetts and
Pennsylvania to be with my father whose health was deteriorating. On July
14th, his suffering came to an end. Although we prayed for him to be
released, it's still difficult to comprehend that he is no longer with us
physically. I was fortunate to have both my parents for so long and know
that he is with us all, strong and resilient once again. I was also
fortunate to have learned many lessons through his passage, which I share
in this issue.
I hope you enjoy the newsletter. Have a joy-full two weeks.
Louise
P.S. Just wanted to mention that this is the 1st anniversary issue of The
3-Minute Coach. Thanks for your support! It's very exciting to
acknowledge 1189 subscribers in 49 countries.
"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do." --- Kahlil Gibran
When one reacts to a situation, there is usually an element of fear or
desperation. Something must be done NOW to avoid negative consequences.
When you respond to a situation, however, there is an element of time
involved which means you can adjust your response as you go, creating new
dimensions and/or improving it.
Responding takes care of the problem and helps you develop a good way of
dealing with the same problem in the future. Over-responding gets to the
root of the problem and solves it forever. I actually prefer the term
'deep responding' as that conjures up an image of the root system of a
problem.
Responding is a better place to come from than reacting. However, of the
three, over-responding allows us to live the simplest life of all as the
problem is totally eliminated.
Lessons I've learned through my father's illness and death:
WHO DID I USED TO BE?
In the last few months of his life, my father became very 'lovey-dovey',
constantly expressing his love for us, and especially for my mother. This
was such a dramatic change from what we were all used to with my dad. In
an earlier newsletter, I mentioned that I was 27 the first time he told me
he loved me. And here he was saying it every 15 minutes. It was wonderful
and I cherish the memory. It made me wonder if this is what he was like as
a small boy. I didn't believe that at 78 he suddenly 'became' loving and
affectionate. This had to be part of him, but a part that had been hidden
for many years. What forces came into play in his life that made it
necessary to build a wall around that lovingness? Thinking about the era
and the circumstances around his growing up, it makes sense that this would
have happened, but it's also a loss. What would his life have been like if
he hadn't had to cover up and hide a part of him? Going beyond that, it
makes me wonder who did I used to be? Who was I as a child that life taught
me to pretend that I wasn't? And can I reconnect to that piece of me now
and not wait until illness prevents me from keeping the wall in place to
express my true self?
TIME DOES, OR CAN, HEAL ALL WOUNDS
My parents' marriage was often turbulent. I remember many fights as a kid.
But they stuck it out and in November they would have celebrated their 53rd
anniversary. Somewhere along the line, the turbulence stopped. They still
argued, but never with the intensity or sting of earlier years. Many
couples who experienced that would have divorced, but it wasn't part of
their upbringing. And all along there was love. At the end, it was only
the love that was there. I hadn't been around for many years, so I'm not
sure when it happened, but I can see that it did. And it gives me hope for
the passage of time, that we continue to grow and learn, to become the best
people we can be.
LETTING GO: ABSENCE OF FEAR, PRESENCE OF LOVE
As my dad's illness progressed, it became apparent that we were holding him
here on this plane. All of his vital organs were shutting down, yet he
clung to life. One by one, we slowly came to peace with his leaving us.
This was most apparent to me with the rapid deterioration he experienced
after we signed the papers to enroll him into the hospice program. That was
for all of us, but especially for my mother, an acceptance of the situation
that had not been present earlier. I knew that she was holding him here,
yet I was not prepared for the degree of change that he experienced almost
overnight. He only lasted two weeks in the program. And the end came with
my mother and brother at his side, surrounding him with love and letting
him know it was ok to leave us, that we were all doing well, that we loved
him enough to set him free. Although I wasn't there, I understand that his
passing came moments after that. This struck me deeply to see the psychic
connection between ourselves and those we love. Love, and fear, the two
primary emotions, are all entwined as we deal with letting go of loved
ones. And intellectual knowledge that he was going to a better place
didn't
help as we went through it, although it brought much comfort after he was
gone.
EVERYBODY GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY
As we went through the ceremonies of death, the wake and the funeral, I
recognized that even as we came together as a family, more united and
stronger than ever because of the months of my dad's illness, we are still
very different people and we all cope differently. My mother and one
brother needed to be surrounded by people, my other brother seemed ok with
all the people as long as his family was nearby, and I needed to be alone.
It was hard to strike the right balance, wanting their needs to be met, but
mine getting stronger as the days wore on. Eventually, at the cemetery and
the luncheon afterward, I needed to pull back from all the well-wishers. I
was grateful for their presence, yet needed to assimilate it all alone,
with only my husband nearby. Looking back on this I see that this pretty
much sums up how each of us goes through hardships in our lives.
Recognizing the differences alleviates stress through the process, allowing
everyone to experience and handle the situation as they need to. Awareness
that not everyone deals the same way is critical during these emotional
times.
YOU DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO
There is a saying that I can not find the attribution for: God doesn't give
me anything I can't handle. It's what my mother said for many months as she
took care of my dad around the clock. He couldn't sleep at night and called
out for her frequently during the night. Even when you think you can't do
any more, you do just pick yourself up and do what needs to be done. A
friend of mine kept saying she didn't think she could cope with everything
I was dealing with if it was her parents. I told her I didn't think I could
either, but when everyone else steps back, you have to step forward. It's
that simple. So, there's no point trying to guess how you'll respond to an
event. You'll find out when you're in it, and 99.9% of us will 'do what you
gotta do'.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I had a few more, unrelated thoughts:
- God's in the driver's seat. I wanted to be there when my dad passed, but
I was at home in Massachusetts, just back after spending 10 days in
Pennsylvania. My brother and his family were halfway to the outer banks of
South Carolina. I accept that God's plan is wise and divine, even though I
would have arranged it differently. In retrospect, it all happened the way
it needed to happen.
- You can't absorb anyone else's burden. Everyone has different lessons and
experiences they must go through. And all the love in the world doesn't
allow you to take on their pain, sadness or experience. Nor would it be a
gift if you could.
- Sleep deprivation is an ugly thing. My dad needed care around the clock.
Whoever stayed up with him, however, usually went through their normal day
as well. We all wanted to do this, and be there with him, yet at 4:30 in
the morning each and every one of us got testy, finding it hard to stay
loving and generous. Without a nap, it just got ugly and we all got an
opportunity to appreciate the value of sleep, of recharging and
revitalizing ourselves to deal with the next day, the next night.
"As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings a happy
death." - Leonardo Da Vinci
"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval." - George
Santayana
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's
troublesome." - Isaac Asimov
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone
lives." -- A. Sachs
"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life." - Bertolt
Brecht
"Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of
the ocean." -- David Searls
Who really makes the money in business? Inevitably it is the guy (or gal!)
at the top. The ultimate boss who has the final say so - The CEO.
Ever wonder why? Its not because they have more smarts than the next person
or because they are more talented or are just "lucky."
The reason the CEO gets paid the big bucks is because he or she has the
ultimate responsibility. The buck truly stops with the CEO. There is no one
else to blame if things go wrong. There are no excuses that will cover up
the mistakes.
If taking up the ultimate responsibility in the business world leads to the
biggest rewards, why not try taking up that same level of responsibility
for success in your pursuits, whether at your job or in your own business?
Beware, however, that taking responsibility means you no longer have the
luxury of those excuses that are "holding you back." "I don't have enough
time," "My spouse won't support me," "It takes money to make money." You
have the ultimate responsibility for your success. You lose the comfortable
ability to blame others and external forces for your lack of success.
The amazing thing is, however, losing the excuses and the blaming is often
like losing chains that are tying you down to being less than you can be.
It allows you to "go for it" and truly reach for what you want.
I call this principal being "The CEO of ME, Inc." Once you assume the role
of CEO in your own life, you open the way for increasing wealth.
Are you ready to be the CEO?
-----------------------------------------------------
Courtesy of Wonderous Wealth - "Enriching Lives by Reawakening the Little
Mysteries of Life". Visit us on the web at:
www.wonderouswealth.com
Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of 27 books, including "You Can Heal Your Life" and "Empowering Women". She has recently created a set of 64 Power Thought Cards, with beautifully illustrated affirmations. Each newsletter, I will share one of these wonderful thoughts.
| Power Card: | I see my parents as tiny children who need love. |
| Affirmation: | I have compassion for my parents' childhoods. I now know that I chose them because they were perfect for what I had to learn. I forgive them and set them free, and I set myself free. |
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If your country is not on the list above, please email me
Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to
help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com
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In This Issue
Welcome
Food for Thought
Keep it Simple
Don't React, Respond!
Feature Article
Life Lessons, Vol.3: Passages
Related Quotes
Guest Column
If You Want To Be Wealthy, Be The CEO!
Louise Hay Power Card
3Minute Opportunities
3MC Country Update
All That Biz