Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

May 10, 2001, Issue #20
The Goldilocks Principle

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Welcome friends, old and new.

Thanks for sharing the newsletter. We're up to 48 countries, with Iran and Macedonia being our latest adds.

Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Canada, Chile, Costa Rica, Ecuador, England, France, Germany, Ghana, Greece, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Istanbul/Turkey, Italy, Japan, Kenya, Macedonia, Malta, Malaysia, Negara Brunei Darussalam, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Pakistan, Puerto Rico, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Singapore, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sultanate of Oman, Sweden, Switzerland, Tunisia, United Arab Emirates, United States, Wales, Yemen, Yugoslavia

Have a joy-full two weeks!

Louise

P.S. Hit the 3 month mark on no smoking. Thanks again. Your support is invaluable to me!

Food for Thought

"Trying is just a noisy way of not doing something." --- Ken Blanchard

Keep It Simple

Do's and Don'ts of Delegation

Adapted From: The Essential Manager's Manual
by Robert Heller & Tim Hindle

Do encourage all delegates to make their own decisions.
Do move from hands-on to hands-off as soon as possible.
Do intervene when absolutely necessary, but only at that time.
Do ask delegates if they feel thoroughly prepared for the task.
Don't say or hint that you doubt the delegate's ability.
Don't miss any stage in the briefing process. (Objectives, Resources, Timescale, Method, Levels of Authority).
Don't surreptitiously take back a task.
Don't place seniority above ability.
Don't deny a delegate the chance to lean by interfering too much.
Do set up a monitoring system and tell delegate what it is immediately.
Do speedily remove delegates who make several serious mistakes.
Do provide support and encouragement throughout the process.

Feature Article

The Goldilocks Principle

Do you remember the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears? It's quite a simple story and as an adult only takes minutes to read. What most of us do remember is the repeated theme of 'too hot, too cold, just right', 'too hard, too soft, just right'.

But how did Goldilocks know which was which? That's the question that comes up for me. How did she know which was 'just right' for her? There wasn't a lot of thought involved.. she 'just' knew. And that's the message for all of us: we all 'just' know what's 'just right' for us, where our personal balance lies. It's simply (though not necessarily easily!) just a matter of trusting ourselves.

We go through life and hear different messages, depending on the day, time, country, mood, whatever. Indeed, we give different messages - to the same people - on different days! "You can't get anywhere without a plan". "Stop planning and start doing." "Don't trust everyone you meet." "You can't get anywhere without trusting." "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve." "You have to start showing emotion."

The messages may seem inconsistent, but they are (almost) always appropriate for where we are in the moment. And that's key to not getting stuck in the mire of mixed messages. What's going on right now? Is it too much? Is it too little? Listen within for the answer. It's there --- and you can trust it. I call it the "Goldilocks Principle" and it's a great tool to use. What is 'just right' for me, right now?

So often, as we move through life, when we decide to institute some new action or behavior, in order to move out of the 'status quo' we find it necessary to move from one extreme to another. We go from no activity to trying to spend 3 hours at the gym or walking a mile. We go from no focus on quality to filtering every last thing we do through a quality sieve. We go from spending all of our time home alone to being out and about 6 nights out of 7. This, I call the "Pendulum Effect" and it works hand in hand with the Goldilocks Principle.

Although we intuitively know what is 'just right' for us, we do use clues. And the clues we use are from the extremes. Too hot, too cold. Too little, too much. Too hard, too soft. Too black, too white. We know when something is "too" anything for us. The Pendulum Effect allows us to take action. And the Goldilocks Principle let us know when enough is enough. The important trick is to remember to ask "What is 'just right' for me, right now?

Related Quotes

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Love God and trust your feelings. Be loyal to them. Don't betray them.." -- Robert C. Pollock

"Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A human being is only interesting if he's in contact with himself. I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it." -- Barbra Streisand

"Self-trust is the essence of heroism." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

A Different Kind of Hunger
By Crystal N. Woods

Are you one of the millions of people today who struggle continuously to make their bodies conform to what they "should" look like? Is eating, or weight, a problem for you? It is for so many people, that I think it's time we took a look at the problem on a different level to the individual one.

It's all too easy to blame a problem on the people who are suffering it. On the other hand, when you are suffering it, it's also easy to blame it on things outside your control. I personally believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle, and that the best solution lies in combining both - taking responsibility for ourselves and being aware of the bigger issues that contribute. Ignorance is anything but bliss in this case.

If you're wondering what I'm going on about, it's this. I firmly believe that the increasing weight problems of the western world are not just a question of a whole lot of individual people doing the wrong things. I believe that it's symptomatic of something that we're all missing in our lives today - and looking to replace. Unfortunately, when it's replaced with something addictive like food, drugs, smoking or alcohol, these cause even more problems than the ones we were looking to fix in the first place.

I have spent my life fighting weight. The more people told me I had to do something, the worse I felt about it, and - not surprisingly - the worse it got. The more I felt down on myself for being like that, again, the worse it got. I looked back recently on some photos of myself in high school, by which time I had been well and truly convinced I was fat, and was surprised to realize I had not been very big at all. It was nothing to worry about - back then. By worrying about it, it's now become a much bigger issue (pardon the pun) - and that's where all the well meaning comments and constant bombardment of messages, by media, friends and family, can go horribly astray, blowing a minor problem into a major one.

Recently, as you're probably aware, I started out on my own, chasing my dream of giving workshops and talks on self-esteem, having finally come to the point where I felt I had learned enough on my own journey to have something real to offer others. I never expected the side benefits I got from that. On the days when I'm caught up in creating or doing work along those lines - I have no interest in food whatsoever. It's a huge contrast with the days when I'm busy doing things I've "got" to do, that I don't really like doing. Those days I go for the "substance" of food to sustain me, but when I'm chasing my dream, my passion, it's like I'm feeding off something totally different...a life energy and enthusiasm that wasn't there before. I honestly walk around feeling full all day, even if I've not touched a thing! The energy just flows, and I've come to realize that it was this kind of feeling that I've been chasing all these years with food. The feeling that I'm worthwhile, and have something to offer. A basic assumption, that we should ALL believe, but one which so few people really do. Is this why we're all chasing the comfort of food?

Sure, an individual can take action and change their life habits to push themselves against the stream and get thin, give up smoking, drugs or alcohol. It happens all the time. From what I hear, though, it is a REAL uphill struggle. From the years when I was trying to do it myself, I know that's true - and it always seemed to me that the harder I tried (the more I worked on myself to fix the problem, in other words) the worse it got. How about you?

Now, being aware of the things I've been looking for in food, and aware of the messages I've got from our general society, it's a lot easier. In fact, it's hardly even an effort - on those days when I'm fulfilling those needs. On the days when I try to conform to what I "should" be doing it gets hard, but then I have a day where I'm giving a talk, running a workshop, and it all flows again. I've been missing something and blaming myself for not having it. Self-fulfillment.

Why aren't we raised with the belief that we have something special to offer? Why don't we grow up searching for what that is and finding ways to express it? Where do we get caught up in "gotta get a job," "gotta make a lot of money," and start trying to find self-worth in things we have or do? That's not where our value lies. It's a lie in itself.

When you discover that you are special, and start sharing that specialness with the world - that, I believe, is when you start healing that hole inside. The one you've been trying to fill up with food, money, alcohol, whatever. It's perfectly right and natural that you should feel it, and want to fill it - just realize that it's not something outside that does the trick, even if it feels like it should be. That hole is the part of you that wants to feel loved, needed and appreciated - and if you're not given that automatically by virtue of just being you, then maybe it's time we started looking at where our society goes wrong.

We all deserve love, appreciation and expression. Our world doesn't give that to us at the moment, but we can create it for ourselves. You can start with your own life - start expressing who you are, believing in your own value - whatever it takes, and stop looking at the symptoms as if they were the disease. Learn to believe in yourself - appreciate the unique and individual gifts you have to offer the world, and start finding ways to express them. I sincerely hope that you, like me, will be surprised at the results

_____________________________________________
Crystal N Woods, B.A. Psych, Hons SPSE
Self-esteem & Success Coach
http://www.self-positivity.com

Is your self esteem costing you money?
crystal@self-positivity.com
Mention this article to get your first session at half price!
Wollongong, Sydney, Phone or Internet
Call now and start believing in yourself again.
(Aust 0403 29-3973 or 02 4229-4847)
_____________________________________________

Louise Hay Power Card of the Week

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of 27 books, including "You Can Heal Your Life" and "Empowering Women". She has recently created a set of 64 Power Thought Cards, with beautifully illustrated affirmations. Each newsletter, I will share one of these wonderful thoughts.

Power Card:	Loving others is easy when I love and accept myself.
Affirmation:	My heart is open. I allow my love to flow freely. I love myself. I love others and others love me.

All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com
While you're there, register to win a free month of coaching.

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Copyright (c) 2001, all rights reserved. The 3-Minute Coach is a publication of TouchPoint Coaching. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter provided that The 3-Minute Coach is kept intact, and this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author are attached.