Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

April 26, 2001, Issue #19
How Do I Love Thee?

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Welcome friends, old and new.

Thanks to all of you who continue to share The 3-Minute Coach with friends and colleagues. It couldn't grow without your support and I appreciate it very much.

*** Currently Read in 47 Countries. Please share the newsletter. I'd love to hit 50 by June 1st! ***

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Have a joy-full two weeks!

Louise

P.S. Quit Smoking Meter: 75 days! (2.5 months!) Thanks to each and every one of you. Knowing that you knew has helped me enormously to stay smoke-free!

Food for Thought

"Out of clutter, find Simplicity.
From discord, find Harmony.
In the middle of difficulty lies Opportunity."
--- Albert Einstein's 'Three Rules of Work'

Keep It Simple

Focus on Four

Feeling overwhelmed? Can't see the trees for the forest? Here is a great tool to help you past the hurdle.

Start by taking a long, deep breath. Repeat until you feel yourself slow down. Then identify the two major areas of your life (often, work and home). Take a small piece of paper and write down the two most important things you need to do in each area, for a total of four.

Carry this paper with you for a week. Check everything that comes your way (whether from someone else or your remembering something else you must do) against your list. If the job/request doesn't move you towards completion of one of these four items, don't do it.

Once the four items are complete, go through the process again and figure out the next four most important things you need to do. This is a great tool to use when feeling overwhelmed. The sense of accomplishment you feel by getting the most important things done gives you incredible energy. and makes each subsequent task even easier.

Feature Article

How Do I Love Thee?

I was recently having a conversation with a client about relationships and we uncovered an interesting fact: Sometimes, the way we need to show love isn't the way that others need to feel love.

I'm sure there are many books written on this subject, but we came up with a simple way to find out how the other important people in your life get to feel loved. Just pay attention to how they show love to you.

For the most part, we know what makes us feel loved, so we assume that is true for everyone else. When we encounter others we love, we show them our love by what works for us. Most of us don't even think about, let alone talk about it, so it's not surprising that we don't 'get' that there are different ways to show and feel loved. Some examples might be:

Physical demonstration, lots and lots of hugs
Small gifts or 'necessities' that say "I was thinking about you when you weren't in my face'.
Saying, frequently, "I love you".
Asking pertinent questions about your day, how you're feeling, what you think about things, etc.
Working their butt off to provide the other person with stability, security, food, shelter.

Here are some ideas to make use of this information:

Once you notice how they are showing love to you, and you know how you show love to them, try an experiment. Within a half hour period, show them love in two ways. First, show it your normal way and then within 20 to 30 minutes, show them love the way you notice they show you love. Check out the reaction from each. Which one seemed to be felt deeper? Which one got the biggest smile? Wow! Just think what it would do to your relationship if you always got that biggest smile!
Either share the experiment or tell the others in your life what really makes you feel loved. Unless it's pointed out to us, most of us don't get this 'intuitively'. Why sit around waiting for them to figure it out when you could be feeling loved? After all, you needed someone to point it out to you!
If the other person shows their love by working their butt off to make your life better, I think the simplest way to have them feel love is to acknowledge what they do and how much you appreciate it.
What makes me feel loved might be different depending on who the person is (a parent vs a spouse, for example)
I probably need all the different forms of being shown love at different times, depending on what I'm experiencing at the time. However, there is one that is dominant, that will do the trick most of the time.
It is possible to experience the shift of "knowing" that you are loved to "feeling" you are loved. And feeling that you are loved may be one of the greatest tonics ever.

Related Quotes

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love." -- Pearl Buck

"That best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." -- William Wordsworth

"When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough." -- Maurice Maeterlinck

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." -- David Viscott

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." -- Victor Hugo

"The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved." -- Mother Teresa

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

The Money Game
By Judy Gates

Are you struggling financially to make ends meet? If you are powerful enough to survive like this, just think what you could do if you didn't need to struggle! Are you willing to find a way of living that would get you out of survival mode? THEN LET'S PLAY A GAME!

Starting today, write yourself a check for $10,000 on a blank sheet of paper, or use an old checking account that is no longer active. Do this each and every day. I use two blank sheets of paper, one where I write, " I deposit $10,000 into my savings account for my husband and I when we retire. On the other sheet I keep a running tabulation of how much I have after each deposit. After about the first week I write on my deposit sheet where my "spare" money will go. The first week I took $5,000 and made a donation to a charitable organization. Obviously you deduct the charitable donation and keep tabulating. After my first ten days I received a call for a very sizable contract with an organization who had heard me speak 7 months previously. It just flowed effortlessly into my hands because I was looking at my life with abundance instead of scarcity.

Think about the shift in your thinking knowing you have $100,000 in your savings plan! You will be amazed at what you can accomplish. Try it for one month and let me know how you do.

Who is Judy Gates?
o Adult Educator, Coach and Career Counselor for twenty-five years.
o Coached people in personal and/or professional transition from the Greater Delaware Valley.
o Specializes in targeting the right career for you and increasing sales productivity, with effective telephone techniques.
o Helps you Recognize You.
If you are interested in discovering more about Coaching and how it can assist you contact: Judy Gates, Phoenix Coaching telephone 856 795 8417, fax 856 428 9602..

Louise Hay Power Card of the Week

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of 27 books, including "You Can Heal Your Life" and "Empowering Women". She has recently created a set of 64 Power Thought Cards, with beautifully illustrated affirmations. Each newsletter, I will share one of these wonderful thoughts.

Power Card:	I now create a wonderful new job.
Affirmation:	I am totally open and receptive to a wonderful new position, using my creative talents and abilities, working for and with people I love, in a wonderful location and earning good money.

Three-Minute Tools

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-484-660-3143
Email:

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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