Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

February 20, 2001, Issue #15
Top10 Reasons to Identify Your Values

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Welcome friends, old and new.

What an incredible two weeks this has been. Have been working hard on my 2001 theme of Extreme Self Care. Just in time, too, from the looks of it. More about that in ThemeWatch - see below!

The 3-Minute Coach has officially hit 1000 subscribers and is now read in 35 countries. If your country isn't listed below, please send me a line!. Thanks to the many subscribers who have forwarded the newsletter on to friends and colleagues. I appreciate and value your support. This is a time for celebration!

Australia, Austria, Canada, Chile, Costa Rica, England, France, Germany, Ghana, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Istanbul/Turkey, Italy, Malta, Malaysia, Negara Brunei Darussalam, New Zealand, Puerto Rico, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Singapore, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sultanate of Oman, Sweden, Switzerland, Tunisia, United States, Wales, Yugoslavia

Have a joy-full two weeks!

Louise

Food for Thought

"If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing." --- Saint Augustine

From Last Issue

Clarification - Life Lessons Vol. 1

In reference to the Life Lessons -Vol 1 article, F.S. wrote:

From my article:
I believe that we make a choice before we enter this life to experience particular emotions and we, unconsciously for the most part, find the things, people and situations that will allow us to feel those emotions. This is a very powerful concept. For one thing, it immediately makes us stop being victims.

F.S: "It also blames the victim. The abused child, the beaten woman, the murdered innocent - these have all chosen before birth to experience these things? An unpleasant thought. It means the perpetrator is not responsible since the victim chose this."

I wanted to clarify this point. I do believe it's a choice I make to experience every thing in my life. It is impossible to understand other people's choices as we do not understand their soul's purpose. However, because I choose a difficult or even horrible experience, this in no way absolves the perpetrator. For me, their choices are even harder to understand, but my need to experience something doesn't mean they have no responsibility or that they shouldn't be punished.

But, having gone through this difficult experience on the receiving end, if I don't accept that, for whatever reason, I chose that experience, then I am their victim forever instead of just in the moment of violation. That I' m not willing to do.

[A phrase that has helped me to accept some difficult life experiences (it' s not always easy or automatic!), has been: "I own that, for a reason that I can not now comprehend, I chose to experience xxxxx." Repeating this over and over, out loud, taking long deep breaths in between, has been very helpful to me. Adding the piece about not understanding the reason always made a difference. It is sometimes necessary to get past the logical mind to get to the heart.]

Keep It Simple

Kick It Up a Notch

The words that we choose say a lot about us and also speak to who we want to be. For example, how do you routinely answer the question: "How's it going?" or "How are you doing today?"

For many years I used to answer that question with "Hanging in there". No matter how I felt (good, bad, elated) this was my stock answer. Why? Sometimes, especially the better I felt, I think I wanted to 'fit in'. As though, especially in the corporate environment, you weren't supposed to enjoy being there. This wasn't the corporate culture (the culture of the corporation) as much as it was the culture of the time, of not wanting to be different.

The interesting part is that when I was feeling good, my response of "Hanging in there" tended to bring me down. And if I was feeling down to start with, whoa!! Luckily, I started to notice this effect and decided to use it to my advantage. So, every time I was asked "How's it going?" I brought my answer up a notch. For example, if I was feeling like I WAS hanging in there, I said "Fine". If I felt fine, I said "Great". If I felt great, I said "Fantastic!"

It was such a simple thing, but it really started to make a difference in how I felt as I went through my day. Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Feature Article

Top 10 Reasons to Identify Your Values

Living your life "in integrity" means that your words match your actions which match your beliefs. When you are living your life in harmony with your values, you naturally have more energy. Clarifying what really matters to you, knowing what you stand for, will set you free to live life to its fullest potential.

If you don't know who you are, you can't be true to your self.
Sounds obvious, but many of us go through life without taking the time to identify what truly matters to us.
It makes decision-making easier.
When faced with a decision, look at your choices in light of your values. How does each choice support you in living your values? If both support your values, which value does it support? And which of those values is more important to you? Makes it easy, doesn't it?
It helps you identify people, situations and things that don't support those values.
Sometimes people, situations or things don't make us comfortable. Very often, the negative emotions they evoke are caused by a value being threatened. Without understanding that, and without knowing which value they threaten, we use valuable energy defending or protecting ourselves. If you have a strong need to be true to yourself, look around. What situations evoke those feelings? In my experience, we only have a strong need to be true to ourselves when we're not being true to ourselves. The rest of the time, we just are.
It helps you identify people, situations and things you do want in your life.
Being clear about what your values are allows you to proactively seek the people, situations and things that support those values. That gives you the freedom to replace the items you identified in #3. It puts you in charge of your life.
It gives you an incredible sense of peace.
Clarifying your values and then living your life in harmony with those values provides you with an inner peace and tranquility that allows you to move confidently through life.
It allows you to stop reacting, and start responding.
Whether we've identified our values or not, we always know when we're not being true to ourselves. This often creates a vague sense of uneasiness and we react defensively. When we are clear about what our values are, we respond to such events with clarity and we do it quickly!
It's a great yardstick for creating goals [and it's easier to achieve goals that are based on values].
When a goal is in harmony with your values, the natural energy around it provides a momentum that allows you to take the necessary action "without effort".
It allows you to get rid of goals that aren't really yours.
Take a close look at the goals that have been around for a long time. You may find that they're really things you feel you "should" want. Let them go. The guilt associated with not working on these goals is wasting energy you could be using to achieve what you really want.
It allows you to be very clear about the standards you set for yourself.
Standards are behavior that we establish for ourselves. They are the expression of our values in every day life.
It allows you to be very clear about the boundaries you need to establish for others' behavior.
Boundaries are what other people cannot do to or around you. The behavior that is least acceptable to you is that which violates your values. Clarity around your values allows establishing and enforcing boundaries to be painless. You're not trying to change people, you're just clear about the behavior that's acceptable around you.

For an inventory in PDF format (readable by Adobe Acrobat Reader) to help you identify your core values, please visit here.

Related Quotes

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." -- Ayn Rand

"Every time a value is born, existence takes on a new meaning; every time one dies, some part of that meaning passes away." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"We need to realize that the direction of our lives is controlled by the magnetic pull of our values. They are the force in front of us, consistently leading us to make decisions that create the direction and ultimate destination of our lives." - Anthony Robbins

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Underpromise and Overdeliver Strategy
By Kathryn Gray, CCG, PCC

Have you ever planned a family outing and arrived home an hour late? By then, all the excitement and fun have gone out of the adventure. How different would the day have been had you arrived twenty minutes early?

Most of us have a tendency to overpromise and underdeliver. Why? - it sounds "do-able" at the time - we want to please others - it feels uncomfortable to say "no".

We have good intentions but when it comes right down to keeping our commitment, we realize we didn't allow for enough time, money etc. The truth is, by over committing we end up living a high stress life, disappointing others, and ourselves and feeling out of integrity.

STEP #1
Instead of instantly "reacting" to the situation/question, stop and take a moment to "respond". Don't feel rushed into making a commitment. After all, your word is your bond. Respond back with something like, "Give me a minute to think about it", or "I'll check my calendar and get back to you in an hour". Then you can "overdeliver" by getting back to him/her in 10 minutes.

STEP #2
After you've taken the time to check your calendar/decide whether or not you're willing to commit to the request, here is the next step. Use the 150% strategy. How does that work? If you think doing a project will take four days, commit to six. If you think painting the kitchen will cost $200, plan for $300. Estimate how much time or money you'll need and then multiply by 1.5 - allow for "life" to happen.

You'll be amazed at the benefits you'll accrue by adopting this very simple strategy. You will: - restore your personal integrity - feel in control of your time and your money - wonder where the "pressure" went

Underpromising and overdelivering builds trust. You'll be respected because you keep your word. Are you willing to commit to "Underpromising and Overdelivering" for ONE week? Oops, wait a minute now... I'm asking for a commitment. When someone asks you for a time/money commitment this week; are you willing to take a few seconds to think about what you are committing to. If you decide you want to do it, add 50% to your reasonable estimate --- and then respond. ARE YOU WILLING?

© 2001 By Kathryn Gray.

Kathryn Gray is a certified coach and the creator of Strategic Coaching. She specializes in working with people who want to realize the dream they have of themselves and offers some excellent teleclasses on Strategies for Prosperous Living.

Louise Hay Power Card of the Week

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the best-selling author of 27 books, including "You Can Heal Your Life" and "Empowering Women". She has recently created a set of 64 Power Thought Cards, with beautifully illustrated affirmations. Each newsletter, I will share one of these wonderful thoughts.

Power Card:	I can release the past and forgive everyone.
Affirmation:	I free myself and everyone in my life from old past hurts. They are free and I am free to move into new, glorious experiences.

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All That BIZ

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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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