Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

The 3-Minute Coach

September 25, 2000, Issue #5
Look in Your Fridge!

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

I'm extending a very warm welcome to all new subscribers to The 3-Minute Coach -- 54 in the past 2 weeks! The 3-Minute Coach is now international, with readers in Australia, England, Saudi Arabia and Italy. Welcome all!

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Thanks, Louise

Food for Thought

"It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy." --- Dr. Howard Murphy

Keep It Simple

The 50- [or 59-] Minute Hour

Make a habit of giving yourself a break at the end of each hour. Depending on your personal circumstances, this may be anywhere from 1 to 10 minutes long. You need time to recharge throughout the day, not just in one long time frame at night (or worse, only on weekends or every couple of weeks when you get around to relaxing!) Many people just keep going until their bodies force them to collapse by getting ill.

If you primarily work at your desk all day, take a minute at the end of each hour to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. You'll be surprised how this centers and refocuses you.

If you're at home and dictate your own schedule, take anywhere from 1 to 5 minutes to do this, especially before switching tasks.

If you spend your life in meetings, then start each meeting by informing the group that you must leave at 10 to the hour. Rushing from meeting to meeting (especially on widely different topics) can really zap your energy. If you're in a position of influence, I recommend making it a guideline in your organization. This allows all meetings to start on time and gives you the break you need in-between to take some deep breaths. Not feeling rushed allows you to enter the next meeting in a calm, productive state of mind.

Feature Article

Look in Your Fridge!

Have you looked in your refrigerator lately? What do you find there? Leftovers from yesterday that are still appetizing? Or bits and pieces of meals you've eaten at some indeterminate time in the past? Do you save food that isn't enough for a meal for one, thinking you can incorporate it into some future gourmet creation? Is your fridge stocked with glowing, healthy, nutritious and appetizing food? Or fruits, vegetables and other food well past its prime?

You might think this is a strange topic, but I think there is a relationship between what's in our refrigerators and how we filter past experiences. In order to truly look forward to the future, we need a clean starting point, and that point is now. In order to truly live in the 'now', we need to be free of past beliefs, past hurts, past situations. If we are hanging on to old hurts, or to negative beliefs about ourselves because of past situations, it is very difficult to put all of our energy into creating life as we want it to be.

So, when you look in your refrigerator, if everything you see isn't vital and fresh, it's very possible that you're hanging on to old stuff in your consciousness as well. The problem is that, like the bit of cheese that gets lost way in the back and when you find it you have trouble remembering it was cheese, these memories go deeper and deeper. The deeper they go, the more likely they are to influence your life today, and the harder it is to remember that that's why you do what you do.

It's a lot easier to clean out your refrigerator than to clean out these old hurts. But it is possible. Here is a 4-step strategy to release yourself from these limiting memories. Doing any one of these steps will go a long way towards liberating you from the past. I've also included a 5th method, a shortcut for those of you who, like me, prefer doing things the easy way!

Identify the areas of your life where you do things that are designed to protect you.
Some examples of this might be not trying something new (so you won't fail), not initiating communication with others (so you won't be rejected), having trouble trusting people for a long time (because they might hurt you in some way), not committing to a relationship (because they might leave you). You may need to think about this for a while. Because we don't like to think of ourselves as living defensively, we usually come up with other reasons for our behavior. Seeing the connection between the what and the 'true' why may take some time.
Remember when you first felt that way.
Once you make the connection between a behavior and 'true' why, try to remember the first time you felt the fear behind the why. For example, your fear of failing might be linked to something that happened in the 3rd grade, when you put a lot of energy into something and someone, the teacher, perhaps, belittled your efforts and embarrassed you in front of the class. It would be very difficult to continue trying after that. In my experience, most people, when asked this question, usually have a ready answer. When asked why they're afraid to fail, the memory of that teacher usually pops right up. The trick is to ask the question.
Rewrite your history.
Let the strong (perhaps adult) you rewrite this event and release the negative emotions around it. Visualize the situation, but this time have the person act in a loving, nurturing way, the way you would act if you were that person and in that situation. [This is very likely the way you do act. Our past experience tends to make us extremely sensitive when we see situations that resemble a negative memory. We tend to go out of our way to make sure that others aren't encumbered with the same negative beliefs.] If you find it hard to reframe the memory, then visualize it as it happened, but this time you (the strong you) step in and comfort the you (often the child you) it happened to. Say all the things you wish someone had said to you right away. Remember, you are not trying to change the past as much as changing your reaction to it.
Release the old energy.
Very often, rewriting your history is enough to let go of the negative memory that is limiting you today. You may, however, need a little more work to be completely free. Sometimes it is good to finish this exercise by writing a letter to the person involved. In this example, it would be to your 3rd grade teacher. Just start with Dear Mrs. Pringle, and let yourself be free to write everything you're feeling. This is usually a mix of emotions, but don't forget to include a thank you. Part of who you are today is because of this situation. It may have made you more caring and more sensitive, so be sure to include that as well. The important thing is to include all your feelings. When you've written all there is, BURN the letter. Release the entire episode into the universe. Remember that this is about you and not about the other person. You may choose to share the experience with them after you burn the letter. If they are still a part of your life, you may want (or feel a need) to do that. But, whether you do or not (and you don't need to for this to be effective), you will notice a change in your interactions with them the next time you see them. You'll be free.
Shortcut Step: Clean out your fridge!
Let's end where we started. Double the effectiveness of cleaning out your refrigerator. With each item that you toss, create the intention of releasing old beliefs, situations or people. With each item, say something like "As I release this old food, I release all old hurts and negative beliefs. I am free." As you play with this, the phrase that will have the most meaning and effectiveness for you will evolve. Use it everytime you throw something out and notice how your life starts changing.

Related Quotes

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It would add much to human happiness, if an art could be taught of forgetting all of which the remembrance is at once useless and afflictive, that the mind might perform its function without encumbrance, and the past might no longer encroach upon the present." -- Samuel Johnson

"Yesterday ended last night. Every day is a new beginning. Learn the skill of forgetting. And move on." -- Norman Vincent Peale

"One can never change the past, only the hold it has on you, and while nothing in your life is reversible, you can reverse it nevertheless." -- Merle Shain

All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
Phone: 1-617-984-2868
Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com
Web: http://touchpointcoaching.com
While you're there, register to win a free month of coaching.

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