Nothing worth doing is worth doing alone. Given that, it helps to have a strong personal and professional community; people you can share your love, life, dreams and concerns with to a level of intimacy once reserved for family.

WHEN A PERSON HAS A STRONG COMMUNITY

• Well-rounded, well-connected, reserve in case of trouble. Expands their personal and professional horizons.
• Moves in new, more rewarding directions.

WHAT HAPPENS IF ONE DOESN’T HAVE A COMMUNITY

• Relies excessively on family members to meet needs.
• Misses out on opportunities for personal/professional growth.

THE 10 STEPS TO DEVELOPING A COMMUNITY

❑ I have a best friend.
❑ I have a soul-mate.
❑ I have at least 10 social friends who I enjoy.
❑ I have a successful professional network of at least 25 folks.
❑ I contribute daily (in some way) to people in my community.
❑ I am loved by people in my community.
❑ My friends are happy and healthy; they don’t “need” me.
❑ I feel good enough about myself to be part of a community.
❑ I actively seek out people whose company I enjoy.
❑ I can and do say “no” to people who want to be a part of my community, but with whom I do not feel comfortable.

____ Number of checked boxes (10 max)

____________________________
From The Personal Foundation 100-Point Assessment developed by Thomas J. Leonard and Coach U, Inc. Modified by LMK.

Family, whether biological or chosen, is an important part of our Personal Foundation. Why? Because we need to know we belong, that we are loved, that we can afford to take risks in life because we know there are key people behind and with us.

WHEN A PERSON HAS A STRONG FAMILY

• More needs are met, automatically.
• Values are expressed more often.

WHAT HAPPENS IF ONE DOESN’T HAVE A STRONG FAMILY

• One doubts oneself more often.

THE 10 STEPS TO STRENGTHENING YOUR FAMILY

❑ “Get” that families are people, not perfect, probably learning how to be better, not there to give you everything you deserve or need; they need love and support from you.
❑ I’ve done everything possible to restore any family relationships which hurt me. It is okay with me not to spend time with family members who pain me.
❑ I have owned up to my role in problems between me and other family members.
❑ I operate from choice vs obligation or duty when doing things for my family.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with any of my children.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with my spouse/mate.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with an ex.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a parent.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a relative.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a sibling.

____ Number of checked boxes (10 max)

____________________________
From The Personal Foundation 100-Point Assessment developed by Thomas J. Leonard and Coach U, Inc. Modified by LMK.

I know it’s been a while, but I hope the following guest post will go a long ways towards making up for it!

I’ve long been aware that contentment (and not happiness) is the goal I’m after. First, because it is NOT elusive. It’s right in front of you if you just know HOW to look. Second, because it is not so draining as the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows in a relationship that I have also experienced.

The following is from The St. Philomena Academy Alumni ‘64 web site and is authored by someone named “Irene”. Thanks Irene for some wonderful wisdom!

If you ask a lot of people what they want in life, they say, ‘Oh, just to be happy I guess.’ Same goes if you ask what they want for their children, ‘I don’t mind what they do as long as they are happy:’ You’d be better off wishing that you or your children could be astronauts or brain surgeons -at least you’re in with a sporting chance then. You can train. They can qualify:

Happiness is such an illusory thing that spending too much time chasing it is not very worthwhile. Happiness is one end of spectrum- misery being the other end. It is a state of extreme, just as misery represents the other end. If you check back at the times in your life when you’ve been happy -or thought you might have been -I’ll bet there were other extreme feelings involved. The birth of a child? Excitement yes. Wonder yes. Relief at a successful birth. Yes. But happiness? I’m not sure.

People think they’ll be happy on holiday when they mean relaxed or stimulated or freed from their cares -and indeed they are. Aiming for happiness is one of those ‘bigger is best’ things. You’re never going to make it because there is no top end limit. You just have to go on aiming for even bigger all the time. Instead of aiming for happy, it’s better to aim for contentment. Now that’s attainable. That’s a worthy goal.

This applies especially to relationships -both to the quest to find Mr or Mrs Right and in what happens when you do. Most of us want to fall madly head-over-heels in love. Big chemistry – fireworks, butterflies, unbelievable feelings. It’s brilliant. It’s extreme. But that intensity can’t and won’t last. You have to go back to reality sometime. You have to get on with your life. No one can live at that intensity. that lofty altitude all the time. Contentment is what you hope for after the elation has worn off and you settle back into a relaxed and happy simplicity: In fact, contentment is the worthier aim, because it lasts.

And so if you find you are with somebody where there is no big firework display, palpitations and extreme of feelings but there is a baseline contentment and warmth and love -be happy with that.

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Listen to “It’s Your Birthday, It’s My Birthday Too!” by the Beatles.

Although I’ve chosen to not advance in years, I’m still willing to celebrate the anniversary of my birth. Celebrations will be limited and may only include listening to this song a dozen times! Because no matter how old you get, you gotta love the Beatles!

Jonathan Mead has a wonderful blog entitled “Illuminated Mind”. It’s one of the blogs I read religiously everytime Jonathan posts a new article. His latest blog really helps you make a distinction between limits that come out of fear and those that you consciously choose, which can bring you closer to success instead of further away. I hope you’ll enjoy reading this thought-provoking article as much as I did.

On Easter Monday I noticed that I was more refreshed than usual. I thought that was odd since, even though I’ve been out of the corporate world about 10 years now, I still practiced “Sunday Night Let-Down”. You know what that is, somewhere around 6pm on Sunday night, you start thinking about Monday morning and all you need to do, effectively cutting your weeked short!

So, I was curious about what made the difference. Yes, Sunday was Easter and for us it was a nice relaxing day spent with a minimum of fuss with family. However, we do that a lot, so I didn’t think it was the answer. Reflecting on what I did over the weekend that was different, I realized that I had gone to 3 cemetaries to bring flowers to loved relatives.

The more I thought about the time I spent there, some of it just driving or walking around, I realized how peaceful and relaxed I felt. It is amazing to me that no matter how close to the hustle and bustle of a city the cemetary is, there is a stillness that comes over the area that is refreshing and revitalizing.

The longer I stayed at each one, the more I shifted from the loss of the loved one to a reflection of all the lives of the individuals buried there, their hopes and dreams and sadnesses. Little groupings that told stories of heartbreak: a mother and father, three stillborn markers and one son who lived until 30, pre-deceasing his parents by about 10 years; one stone for 7-year-old twins who died 8 months apart: another for a husband and wife where the husband died 2 months after the marriage and the wife lived on (apparently not remarried) for 70 years.

Strangely, this experience didn’t bring on sadness. Instead, it was an affirmation of resilience and spirit, an acknowledgement of the ebb and flow of life, a recognition that our own lives are part of a much larger picture. Visiting the graves of long-dead people, including some who’s story involved fighting in the Revolutionary War, helped me feel even more linked to God and to everything and everyone else.

The moral of the story: Even when we think there is no place that we can silence all the internal and external chatter, there is actually somewhere near at hand. Take to walking around cemetaries and find the peace you’re looking for!

Did you know that, whatever your thoughts on almost any given area that requires action, you are in one of the Stages of Change:

1. Not Ready for Change
2. Thinking About Change
3. Preparing for Action
4. Taking Action
5. Maintaining a Good Thing

To me, this is a very exciting model for two reasons. The first is that this concept of the Stages of Change can be applied not just to action but to thoughts. For example, if I define myself as someone who hates kumquats (something I have heard about but never actually seen), the truth is that I am really only in Stage 1: Not ready for change. In fact, I am probably “stuck” in Stage 1, as it never occurs to the majority of us that I could choose to change my thinking on kumquats. This opens up an exciting area for personal growth and development: I am not my thoughts. I can change any of my thoughts, even the most deep-rooted thought or belief.

Becoming aware of the stages of change also helps me understand that there are 3 steps prior to actually taking action. Before I can get to that stage, I must pass through “Not Ready”, “Thinking About”, and “Preparing For”. That’s good news because most of us tend to feel guilty about not taking action. If we can begin to see wherever we are as just one of the steps along the way, I suspect that we can let go of the guilt. Once we let go of the guilt, it usually becomes easier to move on to the next stage. That is one of the little ironies of life!

For homework, I’d suggest thinking about the many areas of your life in the context of the stages of change, including your thoughts and beliefs. What stage are you in for each area? Where would you like to be? Are you stuck where you are? Give yourself permission to be where you are as well as permission to move on to the next step. And remember that whatever action you take, it doesn’t need to be forever! However, taking action today lightens our loads considerably and brings us one step closer to living our dream life.

I don’t even know what I was thinking about when it occurred to me that a car is a perfect analogy for life and for living life in wholeness.

There is a small rear-view mirror, which is the perfect size for viewing our past. Just enough to remember what we’ve learned from it, small enough that it doesn’t overwhelm our senses.

There is a large front window that helps us keep our eyes on what’s ahead, our future. There’s plenty of information there to help us plan for what’s coming up.

Then there is the driver — you — alert and conscious of what’s going on around you, a marvelous example of living in the present. By constantly responding to the various inputs and clues around us, we keep ourselves on target to reach our goal safely.

As you view your life as a car, pay attention to where you are not in sync with that vision. Do you keep your eyes glued to the rear view window, spending a lot of your time trying to recoup the past? Do you daydream and sometimes wonder ‘wow.. how did i get here?’, with no memory of the trip. Are you so glued to what’s down the road that you miss the truck coming from the right?

Take some time to think about this and let me know what you’ve figured out!

Here’s a quick exercise to broaden your awareness of time, our most precious commodity.

Say each of the following statements and tune into how each makes you feel. Take a deep breath before each one and say it aloud, with full consciousness.

1. I value my time.
2. I’m afraid of losing time.

If you’re like me, the fist statement made me feel secure and in control, while the second statement produced an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and made my shoulders tighten. I was bracing for the storm of overwhelm.

I’m sure you can see how feeling secure and in control can make all your efforts easier. If you prefer that feeling, the simplest way to get it is to stay present with what you’re doing. Value your time by living in the now!

Remember, today’s the day to make different choices to get different results! I hope you’ll share your results with us here.

Many years ago, my then 6-year old niece taught me a valuable lesson when I suggested that she go to sleep. She sat up in bed, put one hand on her hip, and in the most scathing voice I’ve ever had directed at me, said “Aunt Louise, it’s 11:30. If I COULD be asleep, I WOULD be asleep”.

She was brilliant even then! There are so many things we waste energy regretting when the reality is, if you coulda done it different, you woulda. So let it go.

Recognize that the “I should have seen it faster, I should have done x,y,z, I should have not done x,y,z” is really a racket we use to prevent ourselves from moving forward. We are incredibly good at playing these games, so good in fact that we would swear up and down it’s NOT a game.

The road to wholeness is never straight. Accept that and enjoy your personal journey. There is a reason we’ve done what we’ve done and made the choices we did. If you don’t like those choices, the trick is to make a different choice today.