Attributed to Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises, from a university commencement address.

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them work, family, health, friends and spirit, and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that “work” is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends & spirit–are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.

You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.

Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That’s why we call it “the present.”
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The following is an excellent article by tom walsh in his Living Life Fully Ezine. If you’re interested in getting your own weekly announcement of the online ezine, visit http://www.livinglifefully.com/signups.htm and click on “E-zine Announcement”

I recently took a fairly long trip in a rented truck, one that was full of our furniture. Because it was so full, it was pretty obvious that its gas mileage was going to be even worse than it would be for such a truck. In order to save on gas, my wife and I decided that we wouldn’t go any fast than 55 miles per hours in the truck, even when the speed limit was 75. Don’t worry–we pulled over often to let people pass us when there was only one lane.

But there was something quite nice about going our own pace, even when the people around us were going much faster. We knew why we were going the speed we were, and we knew that it would serve no real purpose to go faster–it would only cost us more money without accomplishing anything that we needed.

Going at our own pace isn’t something that’s valued much in today’s culture–everything and everyone seem to be geared for speed, going faster and faster, while supposedly accomplishing more and more. I suspect, though, that of the truly fulfilling tasks that we could be taking on each day, most of us are addressing very few of them with this speed that we’re allowing to take over our lives. We go faster only because we think that others expect it of us, and we’re getting stressed and worn out accomplishing things that don’t have much lasting intrinsic value at all.

Going at our own pace allows us to do many things well. First of all, if we take on a project at a pace that’s comfortable to us, we’re going to do a much better job on it. I’ve hurried through jobs before and ended up having to go back and re-do much of them because I’ve missed a step or did something poorly that made later steps impossible. Time saved? None–in fact, I often found that hurrying through a task made me end up taking longer at it, and not even doing as good of a job.

Going at our own pace allows us to enjoy the journey. If it’s a trip, we get to see the views and really soak them in, rather than flying by them and getting a quick glance at them. If it’s a task, we get to experience each step fully for exactly what it is–a step in a process–and that allows us to learn more about the processes involved in life. Many people, especially those who study meditation, have found that taking our time with individual steps is a form of meditation that allows us to truly experience the moment, whatever we may be doing.

If I’m cooking a stew, for example, I really enjoy cutting up the vegetables, even though there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to take the time necessary for the task. I find that once I start cutting up the potatoes and celery and onions, it’s very relaxing to do so, especially when I focus fully on the task and empty my mind of other things going on in my life. I may want to get them done in a hurry, but it’s better for me to take my time. It’s better for the finished product, too, for the vegetables cook more uniformly if they’re cut to similar sizes.

When I’m running, I witness more than ever just how important it is for us to go at our own pace. If I enter a 5k fun run and I try to go out with the leader at his or her pace, then there’s a good chance that I’m not going to be able to finish the run at all. If I go too fast, I’ll burn myself out and lose my ability to continue. If I go at a pace that works for me, though, I’m going to finish the race in good shape, not too depleted but not at all fresh. If I go too slowly, then the race generally isn’t much of a workout for me at all, and since running is a form of exercise for me, going to slowly isn’t an option.

Of course, there are times when it’s inappropriate to allow your desire to go your own pace to affect others. I’m constantly baffled by the people who travel in the left lane of freeways even though they’re driving five miles below the posted speed limit. They belong in the right lane, but by staying in the left lane–even when they’re not passing anyone–they’re creating dangerous situations that can have deadly results. And if you have a deadline for a project at work, settling into a slow and comfortable pace may make you feel better momentarily, but it could have drastic results when you miss the deadline for that project or presentation.

All in all, though, I find that when I find a comfortable but challenging pace, and when I stick to that pace, I experience a lot less stress and anxiety. Life’s simply too short to spend tons of time being stressed out, so it’s important if we’re going to live our lives fully that we make decisions that will allow us to do so, and not decisions that will keep us enduring stress. I know the paces that work for me because I’ve allowed myself to experiment and try new paces, and I know that if more people would explore other paces in their lives, they could find those paces that make them more effective while going through less stress.

• Wizards never condemn desire. It was by following their desires that they become wizards.
• Every desire is created by some past desire. The chain of desire never ends. It is life itself.
• Don’t consider any desire useless or wrong — someday each desire will be fulfilled.
• Desires are seeds waiting for their seasons to sprout.
• Cherish every wish in your heart, however trivial it may seem. One day these trivial wishes will lead you to God.

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Source:
The Way of the Wizard: Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want by Deepak Chopra

Nothing worth doing is worth doing alone. Given that, it helps to have a strong personal and professional community; people you can share your love, life, dreams and concerns with to a level of intimacy once reserved for family.

WHEN A PERSON HAS A STRONG COMMUNITY

• Well-rounded, well-connected, reserve in case of trouble. Expands their personal and professional horizons.
• Moves in new, more rewarding directions.

WHAT HAPPENS IF ONE DOESN’T HAVE A COMMUNITY

• Relies excessively on family members to meet needs.
• Misses out on opportunities for personal/professional growth.

THE 10 STEPS TO DEVELOPING A COMMUNITY

❑ I have a best friend.
❑ I have a soul-mate.
❑ I have at least 10 social friends who I enjoy.
❑ I have a successful professional network of at least 25 folks.
❑ I contribute daily (in some way) to people in my community.
❑ I am loved by people in my community.
❑ My friends are happy and healthy; they don’t “need” me.
❑ I feel good enough about myself to be part of a community.
❑ I actively seek out people whose company I enjoy.
❑ I can and do say “no” to people who want to be a part of my community, but with whom I do not feel comfortable.

____ Number of checked boxes (10 max)

____________________________
From The Personal Foundation 100-Point Assessment developed by Thomas J. Leonard and Coach U, Inc. Modified by LMK.

Family, whether biological or chosen, is an important part of our Personal Foundation. Why? Because we need to know we belong, that we are loved, that we can afford to take risks in life because we know there are key people behind and with us.

WHEN A PERSON HAS A STRONG FAMILY

• More needs are met, automatically.
• Values are expressed more often.

WHAT HAPPENS IF ONE DOESN’T HAVE A STRONG FAMILY

• One doubts oneself more often.

THE 10 STEPS TO STRENGTHENING YOUR FAMILY

❑ “Get” that families are people, not perfect, probably learning how to be better, not there to give you everything you deserve or need; they need love and support from you.
❑ I’ve done everything possible to restore any family relationships which hurt me. It is okay with me not to spend time with family members who pain me.
❑ I have owned up to my role in problems between me and other family members.
❑ I operate from choice vs obligation or duty when doing things for my family.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with any of my children.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with my spouse/mate.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with an ex.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a parent.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a relative.
❑ I have nothing negative/unresolved with a sibling.

____ Number of checked boxes (10 max)

____________________________
From The Personal Foundation 100-Point Assessment developed by Thomas J. Leonard and Coach U, Inc. Modified by LMK.

I know it’s been a while, but I hope the following guest post will go a long ways towards making up for it!

I’ve long been aware that contentment (and not happiness) is the goal I’m after. First, because it is NOT elusive. It’s right in front of you if you just know HOW to look. Second, because it is not so draining as the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows in a relationship that I have also experienced.

The following is from The St. Philomena Academy Alumni ’64 web site (no longer live) and is authored by someone named “Irene”. Thanks Irene for some wonderful wisdom!

If you ask a lot of people what they want in life, they say, ‘Oh, just to be happy I guess.’ Same goes if you ask what they want for their children, ‘I don’t mind what they do as long as they are happy:’ You’d be better off wishing that you or your children could be astronauts or brain surgeons -at least you’re in with a sporting chance then. You can train. They can qualify:

Happiness is such an illusory thing that spending too much time chasing it is not very worthwhile. Happiness is one end of spectrum- misery being the other end. It is a state of extreme, just as misery represents the other end. If you check back at the times in your life when you’ve been happy -or thought you might have been -I’ll bet there were other extreme feelings involved. The birth of a child? Excitement yes. Wonder yes. Relief at a successful birth. Yes. But happiness? I’m not sure.

People think they’ll be happy on holiday when they mean relaxed or stimulated or freed from their cares -and indeed they are. Aiming for happiness is one of those ‘bigger is best’ things. You’re never going to make it because there is no top end limit. You just have to go on aiming for even bigger all the time. Instead of aiming for happy, it’s better to aim for contentment. Now that’s attainable. That’s a worthy goal.

This applies especially to relationships -both to the quest to find Mr or Mrs Right and in what happens when you do. Most of us want to fall madly head-over-heels in love. Big chemistry – fireworks, butterflies, unbelievable feelings. It’s brilliant. It’s extreme. But that intensity can’t and won’t last. You have to go back to reality sometime. You have to get on with your life. No one can live at that intensity. that lofty altitude all the time. Contentment is what you hope for after the elation has worn off and you settle back into a relaxed and happy simplicity: In fact, contentment is the worthier aim, because it lasts.

And so if you find you are with somebody where there is no big firework display, palpitations and extreme of feelings but there is a baseline contentment and warmth and love -be happy with that.

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Listen to “It’s Your Birthday, It’s My Birthday Too!” by the Beatles.

Although I’ve chosen to not advance in years, I’m still willing to celebrate the anniversary of my birth. Celebrations will be limited and may only include listening to this song a dozen times! Because no matter how old you get, you gotta love the Beatles!

Jonathan Mead has a wonderful blog entitled “Illuminated Mind”. It’s one of the blogs I read religiously everytime Jonathan posts a new article. His latest blog really helps you make a distinction between limits that come out of fear and those that you consciously choose, which can bring you closer to success instead of further away. I hope you’ll enjoy reading this thought-provoking article as much as I did.

On Easter Monday I noticed that I was more refreshed than usual. I thought that was odd since, even though I’ve been out of the corporate world about 10 years now, I still practiced “Sunday Night Let-Down”. You know what that is, somewhere around 6pm on Sunday night, you start thinking about Monday morning and all you need to do, effectively cutting your weeked short!

So, I was curious about what made the difference. Yes, Sunday was Easter and for us it was a nice relaxing day spent with a minimum of fuss with family. However, we do that a lot, so I didn’t think it was the answer. Reflecting on what I did over the weekend that was different, I realized that I had gone to 3 cemetaries to bring flowers to loved relatives.

The more I thought about the time I spent there, some of it just driving or walking around, I realized how peaceful and relaxed I felt. It is amazing to me that no matter how close to the hustle and bustle of a city the cemetary is, there is a stillness that comes over the area that is refreshing and revitalizing.

The longer I stayed at each one, the more I shifted from the loss of the loved one to a reflection of all the lives of the individuals buried there, their hopes and dreams and sadnesses. Little groupings that told stories of heartbreak: a mother and father, three stillborn markers and one son who lived until 30, pre-deceasing his parents by about 10 years; one stone for 7-year-old twins who died 8 months apart: another for a husband and wife where the husband died 2 months after the marriage and the wife lived on (apparently not remarried) for 70 years.

Strangely, this experience didn’t bring on sadness. Instead, it was an affirmation of resilience and spirit, an acknowledgement of the ebb and flow of life, a recognition that our own lives are part of a much larger picture. Visiting the graves of long-dead people, including some who’s story involved fighting in the Revolutionary War, helped me feel even more linked to God and to everything and everyone else.

The moral of the story: Even when we think there is no place that we can silence all the internal and external chatter, there is actually somewhere near at hand. Take to walking around cemetaries and find the peace you’re looking for!

Did you know that, whatever your thoughts on almost any given area that requires action, you are in one of the Stages of Change:

1. Not Ready for Change
2. Thinking About Change
3. Preparing for Action
4. Taking Action
5. Maintaining a Good Thing

To me, this is a very exciting model for two reasons. The first is that this concept of the Stages of Change can be applied not just to action but to thoughts. For example, if I define myself as someone who hates kumquats (something I have heard about but never actually seen), the truth is that I am really only in Stage 1: Not ready for change. In fact, I am probably “stuck” in Stage 1, as it never occurs to the majority of us that I could choose to change my thinking on kumquats. This opens up an exciting area for personal growth and development: I am not my thoughts. I can change any of my thoughts, even the most deep-rooted thought or belief.

Becoming aware of the stages of change also helps me understand that there are 3 steps prior to actually taking action. Before I can get to that stage, I must pass through “Not Ready”, “Thinking About”, and “Preparing For”. That’s good news because most of us tend to feel guilty about not taking action. If we can begin to see wherever we are as just one of the steps along the way, I suspect that we can let go of the guilt. Once we let go of the guilt, it usually becomes easier to move on to the next stage. That is one of the little ironies of life!

For homework, I’d suggest thinking about the many areas of your life in the context of the stages of change, including your thoughts and beliefs. What stage are you in for each area? Where would you like to be? Are you stuck where you are? Give yourself permission to be where you are as well as permission to move on to the next step. And remember that whatever action you take, it doesn’t need to be forever! However, taking action today lightens our loads considerably and brings us one step closer to living our dream life.