Recognizing Incompletions
(From Let’s Be Complete by Thomas Leonard)
In order to complete our past, it is necessary to be able to recognize the incompletions in our life. There are two elements to the identification process. The first is to identify the sensations and feelings that indicate that something is still unfinished for you:
Sensations/Feelings of:
- Pang of ____ (fill in the blank – guilt, remorse, regret)
- Shame: Strong feeling of embarrassment, can’t look at yourself or someone else straight in the eye, avoiding others
- Anger: Strong feelings of upset, rage, revenge
- Denial: Attempts to avoid conversation about the situation or person, but has “good reason” not to
- Sadness: Sorrow, tears, crying jags, holding out hope
The second step is to recognize the kinds of events that often do not get completed.
What is one incomplete about?
One can be incomplete about a number of things but most fall into the following categories:
- A Perpetration: An action you took that ran against what you knew or felt was right at the time, even if you have fully justified it and if no one caught you. Stealing money or misrepresenting are examples.
- A Withhold: Not telling the person against whom you perpetrated what you did and then making it right.
- A Step-over: Letting someone or a situation step over (intrude upon) your acceptable boundaries to the point of causing you pain or hurt. (A spouse who repeatedly gets upset, a co-worker who dominates, a friend in need who is draining you are examples.)
- An Inaction: Not taking an action when you felt you should have or could have, thus missing out on an opportunity or getting into a difficult situation that required some maneuvering out of.
Spending some time identifying incompletions and making a list of them is a great first step in completing your past. The next is to figure out what would make the event complete. And, of course, the third step is to take that action!
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