The very first step in manifesting our heart’s desires is for us to figure out what the heck that means. It is not enough to say ‘love’, ‘better job’, or ‘new house’. We have to get down to the nitty gritty of what having that object will look and feel like on a day-to-day basis.

Because we can’t proceed without knowing the details of the ‘what’, the first step is always to brainstorm a list for yourself of all the requirements of your ‘ideal’ desire: your ideal mate, your ideal job or career, your ideal new house.

The directions for this brainstorming are simple: bluesky it, writing down every last concrete thing you want this item to look like as well as every last feeling you want it to invoke in you.

As you do this, remember it is only stage one and subsequent stages will let you identify your non-negotiables and truly link emotions to this desire. However, perhaps most importantly, it is critical to understand the difference between ‘ideal’ and ‘perfect’. Ideal is ‘almost perfect’. In fact, to my way of thinking it is ‘better than’ perfect.

For most of us, perfect equates to ‘final’, the last love, job, house we will ever have. If we can’t check off every single point on our list, it will never ‘be’ perfect and will, in all likelihood, never make us happy.

The concept of ideal, however, doesn’t bring that note of finality to it. We accept that it is a work in process and there is an element of ‘for now’ to it. For a long time, I had a fear of ‘forever’ and therefore found it difficult to allow love or much happiness in, out of concern that I might change my mind about what I wanted. When I realized that “Forever is for as long as it feels right”, I was able to relax and allow the joy in.

In addition to the sense of ‘right now’, we also recognize that we probably won’t get every last thing on the list. In fact, that is why we identify the non-negotiables on our list, those items that, no matter what, we will not compromise on. For example, you may have both ‘friendly environment’ and ‘within 20 minutes of home’ on your ideal job list. Because you’ve done the exercise already, you know that you MUST have a friendly environment, but in fact you could handle a longer commute.

Remember the Pareto principle: roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. That means that 80% of the happy feelings you are looking for will come from 20% of the items on your ‘ideal’ list. In fact, when determining your non-negotiables, you goal is to define the 10-20% on your list that in fact ARE non-negotiable. No matter the original number of items on your list, you get to pick up to 20% as items you will not compromise on.

The clarity you gain through this exercise will propel you forward in the journey of manifesting your dreams and becoming your best self!

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