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Listen to “It’s Your Birthday, It’s My Birthday Too!” by the Beatles.

Gosh… I’m definitely another year older. I wonder if I’m another year wiser?  Let’s see.  What have I learned this year?

• You CAN go home again.  After 30 years living 350 miles away, I moved back to my hometown last year. I didn’t know how it would be after the hustle and bustle of living both in and outside Boston.  The truth is, I love it.  I had never noticed how this small town is nestled in the mountains before.  It’s so green and although I have an occasional hankering to see the blue of the ocean, I’m so happy to live in this green place.
• Family IS the final support system. After all those years away with only occasional in-person visits, I am back (literally) in the bosom of my family. And I’m enjoying it immensely. It’s nice to see people and not just talk to them by phone. It’s funny after all this time, to be there for my family and for them to be there for me on a daily basis.  It’s sad how, although always emotionally close, just living our daily lives got in the way of regular contact.
• It’s possible to look the same after 30 years, or darn close to the same! I recently got together with 3 friends from graduate school (one of them my sister-in-law).  I was shocked to realize that I would have recognized the others any where, any time. They were so close to how they looked the last time I saw them, it seemed like only yesterday.  They said the same about me. How extraordinary!
• There’s no hardship you can’t move beyond. One of the major reasons I moved back to Pennsylvania was the fact that I had recently divorced.  At the time, it felt like the rug had been pulled under my feet. But, today, 18 months later, I am happy and at peace. I have a great relationship with my ex and it feels right to be here, now.
• It pays to stay “in” integrity. Speaking of my divorce, one of my proudest achievement of the experience was that I was very clear about who I am and who I wanted to be.  I was also very clear about who I “didn’t” want to be: a bitter, angry, vindictive person.  People who cared about me thought I should do things that I couldn’t (and didn’t want to) do.  I know I had to wake up with myself for the rest of my life and so I looked at why I created this experience.  And today, because of that, I’m still close friends with my ex.  I received two wonderful presents today, with a beautiful card.  How many exes can say that? 
• If you’re willing, very old wounds can be healed. The key here is willingness. Just because something has been that way for a long time doesn’t mean it can’t change.  Most of us are afraid to try to heal old wounds for fear of the other person still rejecting us.  And while that may be true for some, most people would also like to heal those wounds!
• No matter how old you are, you’re still a kid inside. Why this continues to surprise me, I don’t know, but it does.  And while I’ve always known there was a kid inside, I have recently figured out she’s only 10.  WOW!  As Adrien Monk, USA’s obsessive-compulsive detective says about his unque skills and talents: “It’s a gift.  And a curse.”  It’s wonderful to see the world through a 10-year old’s eyes. There is still an innocence and joy that is hard to beat.  Of course, at times, the adult needs to step in so it may feel that I’m out of harmony.  Usually it doesn’t last long.  Oh, and this phenomenon seems to get more obvious the older I get.  I suppose it’s the ever-widening gap between chronological age and emotional age.
• I have finally figured out who my ideal client really is. After 30 years of coaching, 8 of it full-time, I finally have a handle on my niche client base.  It’s people (amazingly like me!) who know what they want and how to get it, but still can’t seem to achieve their goals.  I’ve always been clear about who I don’t coach well, but knowing who is the best match is much more valuable information.
• The stages of age. I recently heard my mother, who’s 83, talk about people who admit their age and those who don’t.  It made me realize that there is actually a cycle of responses to age that we all go through (although the length of time at each stage is different for everyone). These are
  • Proud of your age. When you ask a little kid how old they are, they put a big smile on their face and stick up the appropriate number of fingers. They are loving where they are at!
  • Wanting to move your age along. These are formative years where we are impatient to reach the next milestone:  teenager, driving, drinking, college age, adult (or what we think is adult!)
  • Wanting to slow your age down. Somewhere along the way, we realize how fast life is moving past us.  Everyone hits this at a different stage.  For some (usually women), it’s before 30. For some (usually men), this is before 40.  For some (could be either), it’s the official dawn of middle age, 50.  It’s not that we want to stop, we just want to sloooooow it down. This is primarily because we have not yet achieved major life goals.
  • Proud of your age. This is what hearing my mom made me realize. If you’re lucky enough, you reach an age where you are proud of how old you are again. And happily share that age with everyone.  It does (and should!) entitle you to certain benefits.

Well, I guess that proves I AM a little bit wiser this year.  Hope the next one is this good!

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 8:42 pm and is filed under Live in Present. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.